Does anyone else's parents not get on with your DH?

[Julia]

Hi Girls!

This is not a major rant or anything but just want to know if anyone else's parent do not get on with DH? Sometimes things are fine and other times you could cut the atmosphere with a knife...

My DH is just himself and does not put on false behaviour infront of them - he does not really have in depth conversations with them or act over happy all the time so they think he is moody (which, yes, he is at times). There are other things also that get their backs up - they don't like him playing football and going to the gym etc

They obviously want the best for me like every other parent wants for their daughter but I am on pins every time we are all together!

With love,

Julia xx

 

[KateW]

I know exactly how you feel. My parents and my DH relly don't get on. They are so different and as I am the only child my mum is really protective. It is a shame as I really want to include everyone in the pregnancy and share stuff but it makes the atmosphere really tense. My mum wants to come and stay when the baby arrives to help but I can't face it as am sure she will wind up DH.

Ah well.....

 

[Bexie]

Julia, i really feel for you. My mum and OH get on fine luckily, but with my ex there were problems, i.e me not getting on with his parents and I know it does make for an unpleasant atmosphere at times as you feel torn between the two (lloking at it from his perspective)

Perhaps ask your parents if they have any issues with you OH and try and overcome them. I think as a parent you always want the best for your child and sometimes they don't see the good sides of your OH that you might see.

Hope they start getting on better soon for you. x

 

[EllieBelle]

Julia I could have written your post myself!

My DH speaks his mind, and if he has nothing to say, he doesnt say anything, as he doesnt believe in making idol chat for no reason. He also doesnt suffer fools gladly at all!

My mother has always seen me as some sort of possession, and her and my DH are like chalk and cheese, because he can be very quiet, she then thinks he doesnt like her and it used to cause all sorts of problems!

A couple of months ago whilst we were still living in France she came out to stay with us, and although they didnt get on brilliantly it was a lot better than its been before - although I did tell them to sort it out as I was sick of it!!!

Im incredibly independant though, and she has tolerated that very well through my life, until I got married that is, and then she went all funny!

She has already been told that she is welcome to come and see the baby, once its born (I dont want family hanging about outside the labour suite), but she will have to stay in a local B&B as there wont be room in the house...........which shes happy enough to do - its much more important to me that me and my DH have some us time to bond with our new child!!!

Its really hard I know and until recently I used to stress about it all the time too....

 

[Julia]

I am not alone then!! Thank Goodness!!

Thanks for your replies...

They have never had a major row or anything but my parents criticise him alot - and yes - some things i agree with. I am an only child also and I think all their focus is concentrated on me! My DH does alot round the house and they see this but if they come over and he is sat on the settee then they wonder why. He is an assistant head teacher and they think he should be home from work everyday at about 4.30 (when school finishes) but this is impossible with the role he has in work!

My ex boyfriend had a tough background and really depended on my parents and used to arse kiss them - they love him to bits. My Dh is very independent and I think they don't feel needed by him. He is quiet with them but he is just relaxed!! On both sides I can see wrong but I am in the middle!!!!!

I get down about it!!

Julia xxxx

 

[EllieBelle]

Just keep smiling (And gritting your teeth). I do think this is a common only child situation (as Im one too ).

Your situation sounds so similar to mine, its uncanny!!!

 

[Julia]

It is not a life changing problem but just uncomfortable and tense....I feel like screaming at my DH "just chat like mad to my mum and make a massive effort!!" and I feel like screaming at my parents "give him a break!"...

When my parents come over, he is sometimes doing something and will not come down to greet them and ask "how are you?" etc - they get very offended and now don't say hello or goodbye to him. Again, I can see both sides of the argument.

It's just annoying things that happen all the time.. AARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Julia xxxx

 

[Bexie]

I'm an only child too and my mum has always given boyfriends a serious warning at the start of a relationship that if the ever hurt me, she won't be happy. How embarassing

My mum and dad were seperated when I was younger, so when I met my ex (first serious boyfriend) I called my dad to see if we could both go up and visit him as I really wanted my dad to meet him, and without even meeting my ex I senced that my dad took an instant dislike to him and wasn't that keen to meet him. Again I think it was my dad doing the protective thing. My dad never got to meet him as he died a few months later sadly, but in retrospect I don't think my dad would have liked him in the flesh either!! Parents can be incredibly over protective of their children (maybe more so with an only child , I'm not sure!!)

 

[Julia]

Thanks Bexie,

I also think that my parents feel like I need looking after (I am actually quite strong and independent). My husband is not the sort of man to "look after" a woman. When my Nan died a couple of years ago (who I adored) my DH was fantastic and even my parents said so! I had a miscarriage 3 years ago with my first baby and my DH , in their eyes, did not look after me well enough but I was fine! He was also going through the loss as well.

I think it is a case of things being different in this day and age - my DH is selfish BUT we usually have great fun together and love bringing up our gorgeous daughter. We have our arguments etc but he is also romantic - flowers, gifts etc.....

Oh I don't know - there is not alot I can do about it!!

Julia xxx