Do you think she is insensative or a bitch?

[xJodieLoux]

When my friend found out she was pregnant, it was only a couple of months after I miscarried and she just text me out of the blue saying "Im pregnant!" That was all the text said. And I felt really upset and stuff so might of seemed I was being funny or seemed like I wasnt interested because I didnt really want to talk about her pregnancy. So she said I was being jealous!

We didnt speak for ages until I finally decided to make the first move and get in touch with her. I've asked her about scan's etc and shown abit of interest and tried to be happy. I havent seen her since before she was pregnant and have been making excuses as to why I cant meet up with her. Anyway I finally plucked up the courage to meet her and we have arranged to meet up next week. I thought it would be easier to get it done with and accept things sooner rather than later, she is already showing apparantly.

Anyway, we were texting and I told her that my cousins baby died and then went on to say that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself about the miscarriage when there are people going through much worse, and told her that I'm still hurting and it's really hard. Her reply said "I know miscarriages are so awful and too common, I worry about something happening to my baby but I'm trying to stay positive. I need to start buying baby things, will you help me find a pram?". I thought my previous text would make it quite clear that I dont want to look at baby things?

I dont know if she is just insensitive, but sometimes it seems like she is rubbing it in. She can be a bitch and it seems like she thinks she is better than me or something because she is pregnant. She's the type of person where if you get something, she has to something better. Like when I got my first car (a corsa) she would say corsa's are crap, I'm getting a so n so when I pass my test, she still hasnt got a lisence never even had a lesson. And just for the record, that corsa was really nice, old shape but nice.

 

[Minxy]

Aw, what a difficult situation

From what you've said, it certainly seems like your friend is being out of order.

That said, with a pregnant woman and a woman who's experienced loss in the equation, that's a hell of a lot of hormones flying around! It must be impossible for either of you to be objective about the other's situation, and from her point of view maybe she's trying to deflect what you went through to avoid the usual worries of pregnancy herself.

Her previous behaviour is probably a better indicator of your relationship. Did you always have this inkling that she was bitchy or have you started to fit the pieces in (the car story etc) since she became pregnant?

If she's always been the same, it might be time to call it a day. If this is just a trying time for you both, stay with it

 

[jenna]

She might have asked you to help find things because your friends and if you havnt had a miscarriage its really hard to imagein how your feeling, it might have been completly innocent.
But if she is known to be bitchy it might be another story. Just have a chat with her, if shes a real friend she will understand, if she blows up about it just ditch her hun its probably not worth it

 

[xJodieLoux]

She has always been bitchy to be honest, but I used to ignore it or shrug it off as I'm quite confident and happy so it didnt get me down and I am very patient so I just bite my tongue. But now I have this much emotion and it's such a sensitive thing I just cant cope with it. I say she's my best friend but she's not really, like I wouldnt go to her with a problem or for advice. We just have alot of fun and a laugh together, she used to be a good shopping buddy too. I have only known her for about 3 years, and we werent really friends up until the beginning of last year, I always thought she was stuck up until then.

 

[MissGobby]

Anyway, we were texting and I told her that my cousins baby died and then went on to say that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself about the miscarriage when there are people going through much worse, and told her that I'm still hurting and it's really hard. Her reply said "I know miscarriages are so awful and too common, I worry about something happening to my baby but I'm trying to stay positive. I need to start buying baby things, will you help me find a pram?". I thought my previous text would make it quite clear that I dont want to look at baby things?

sorry hun but that is VERY insensitive of her, i cant believe someone would actually say that!!!!!!

she may have been asking you to help with buying baby things as you are her friend BUT still she should not have asked you in the same message as telling you to 'stop feeling sorry for yourself'

i truely cannot believe she has said that to you hun - im stunned!!!!!

 

[grace]

i think shes just excited and cant possibly understand how your miscarriage made you feel because shes never gone through one, its the same as me, i can sympathise and try and understand but i have never been there so i cant fully understand.

maybe she is a bitch but is she really that bad, after what you have had to go through would she stoop that low that she thinks shes got one up on you and wants to rub it in? if yes, stay away but if not, then in my opinion shes just really excited and wants you to join in.

(as for the corsa thing, i think that could have just been jealousy!, she doesnt even have a licence)

 

[rachie29]

friends are odd things - none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes in friendship. She could genuinely be trying to help (although her methods may be a little off) so i would maybe point out to her that the way she is saying things is hurtful. Point out to her that you are still grieving and while you are excited for her you need a little more time.

she obviously wants you to be involved otherwise she wouldnt ask you for help with things. If she is any kind of friend she will understand.

Does she have any other friends with babies or TTC? it could be that because she knows you are TTC that you are more interested in talking babies with her than other people and dont forget there are lots of scary things about being pg too.....

you know her we don't, talk to her again if it doesnt change you will know for definite.

 

[NooNoo]

B.I.T.C.H

Simple as...

My best friend had to have an abortion last year (because of circumstances out of her control) and really REALLY didnt want to....

So this year when I fell pregnant you can imagine alls i wanted to talk about was my baby, baby things, baby growth, everything baby related... but I didnt as I thought this was totally inappropriate...

Personally I would tell her where to get off she is no friend

 

[frangelle]

My friend has bee trying for a baby for nearly 2 years and has had several miscarriages. Yet everytime she saw me she would ask whether I had conceived yet, and get excited when I had a late period. I never mentioned it, yet she brought it up, and when she asked when i was pregnant she was over the moon for me. But I never mentioned it unless she did, but she is genuinely happy for me which is great.

My point is, you can never judge how anyones going to react in situations like that. Perhaps she doesn't know how upset you are, I'm not defending her, you've said several times she's a bitch, so you've already made up your mind that she is not being insensitive. In which case I wouldn't even have her as a friend

Good luck

 

[Penstraze]

I dont know the girl so dont feel I can properly judge her in regards to whether she is a true friend who just isnt very tactile or whether she is really being a bitch but it does come accross from your post that she is what I think is classed as a toxic friend apparently we all either have one or have had one, someone who's friendship does you more harm and causes more upset then happiness! A true friend should want nothing but for you to be happy, to be there for you when your not and do whatever they can to try to make you happy again! That is what I would do for my friends and what I know they would do back to me!

I had two friends who were also friends with each other (I had met one through the other) one had wanted a baby for years and the other didnt want a baby for a long time and had been arguing with her partner cause he wanted a baby and she didnt, to try and cut a long story short the one who didnt want a baby got pregnant and the other friend was very upset and felt that our friend was rubbing her pregnancy in her face and totally stopped talking to her which was so sad because they had been friends since they were children, I really dont think our friend was trying to be cruel shes just a really tactless person and I dont think really knew how much our friend wanted a baby, but when my other friend got pregnant and unfortunately had a miscarage our friend showed her true colours as she tried to be there for her and to not be too tactless over her own blossoming pregnancy, Im pleased to say both now have beautiful boys and have been brought closer by them!

Hope that made sense what im trying to say each situation should be judged on its own merit only you know how true a friend she is, just dont be too hasty to cut a friend out of your life without being sure her intentions are unkind take her to the side tell her how she is making you feel if she cant appreciate your pain and try to be more sensitive shes not the kind of friend you need around