Discipline help!

[Laura butchers]

Just out of curiosity,

What are your affective ways of disciplining your children?

What do you do when your out in public and your children are misbehaving?

Do you have reward charts?

Im really interested in what experiences people have. Any advice would be appreciated

 

[Shepherdess]

Thankfully my Dd is generally a gem when our and about but when she plays up and home and has tantrums I threaten to take a toy away, if it continues I take said toy away and put it on a shelf until the next day. When she was smaller she'd have then cried for the toy so I'd threaten to take another one away and then do it if needed.

I think one time when she was 2 she had 4 toys on the shelf but it didn't take long for her to know that I was serious. These days of I threaten to take a toy away it's enough (she's 3 now). I'm very consistent though I don't ever just threaten I always follow through, she's always been pretty mature for her age though and understands a lot

Twice when out and about she's kicked off big time (again she'd be an early 2 age) and I said if she continued we'd go home, she did so I took her home, my friend was disappointed I was leaving our play date early but I'd said I'd take her home so I followed through.

This probably makes me sound like a strict cow but I'm really not, I'm such a softy

 

[Laura butchers]

Sheperdress, thank you!

My son is 2.5yrs and when he misbehaves i always warn him if he carries on i will make his sit on the naughty chair (away from any toys/and any other distractions and make him sit there until he apologies or if thrown something make him pick it up).

My mum and hubby think im too harsh on him. But now hes at nursery and we go out a lot more i dont want him thinking he can behave in that way.

You dont sound strict at all as im very similar when it comes to following things through. I just wanted to hear other peoples ways incase i was being too harsh.

 

[Shanivy]

My daughter only started her attitude properly when she turned four. naughty step never worked for us for long.

I do have a huge reward chart I saw from the Range one day. It's the most effective thing I've found for her. Its just a huge pad with blanks to personalise. I can write in different things each week like "get ready for nursery without stropping" or "eat all my tea without lying and hiding it" (currently going through a phase where unwanted dinner gets hidden in the washing powder tub and snuck in the bin ) Whatever you like really.

I sit with her each Sunday night to agree what we need to put down. I find being able to change each weeks goals to something she's been playing up on, or needs to work at each week helpful. Then if she gets a set amount of stickers each week she gets a small reward like the park. And a set amount at the end of the month gets a bigger reward, like a costume or taken out to the huge woodland play park etc. I have to be strict with it though to keep her on track. She gets devastated about losing a sticker.

As to what I do when outside, I'd agree if they are doing something fun to warn and if that doesn't work, take them home. I'm lucky my daughter is generally good but she's definitely got some attitude when she wants to. And like Shepherdess said, I'm very consistent and follow through. OH is a nightmare for never following through and she plays him so bad for it. Xx

 

[candymycandy]

Personally I avoid calling things the ‘naughty’ (chair/step). I avoid calling ds bad or naughty, instead I say his behaviour is such as they’re not innately naughty and I don’t want him to feel bad about himself if that makes sense?

So hard as every child is different. We used to take away toys but it didn’t work, I think because he has so many!! Also dh used to threaten big toys which annoyed me as he never followed through (eg when he backed down after saying he’d lose his train table!). He is very incentivised by activities or getting new toys. So for example we’ll have planned to take him to soft play on the weekend and I will use that. Ie count to 5 and if he hasn’t done xyz by then we will not do it. Also I’ll get him to stand against the wall to think about his behaviour. Both these work at home or out and about.

Have just bought a great dinosaur reward thing you fill with stars. He loves it. Told him when it’s full he can pick something to do or buy and will take stars out if his behaviour is bad but reward good.

Praise is essential I think when they do listen/show good behaviour.

But... who bloody knows, they’re impossible sometimes...!!! Haha x

 

[WinterWolf]

I'm not a parent yet, but a teacher, and I have taught at kindergarten so I know a fair bit about correcting behaviour...

Basically it doesn't really matter what kind of consequence you give them for bad behaviour, the key is following through. If you say "if you keep screaming like that, we will go home" you need to make sure that you take them home if they keep it up, otherwise they'll learn mummy isn't serious. You need to keep trying things and see what consequence works with your child. Time out, taking toys away and going home/inside usually work with little ones.

Don't call the child bad/naughty etc. as they tend to live up to whatever label they're given. Tell them they're behaving badly or making bad choices if you want.

Stickers and rewards can be good but don't reward them every single time they do something good, and don't bribe them into behaving well. Otherwise they'll only do the right thing when there is a reward in it for them (a problem we have a lot at my primary school!!).

At kindy we make them sit on a time out stool away from the other kids/toys. We don't force them to apologise to each other or us because forcing a child to say sorry doesn't really teach them what sorry means. When they come out of time out we do make them say why they were sent to time out and what a good choice would be if they had the same problem (these kids are 3-5). Usually after that conversation they decide to apologise on their own.

 

[Laura butchers]

Thank you for all your comments. Im certainly going to take your advice on things.

Regarding a reward chart - what age do you consider appropriate for using this method?
Xx

 

[Shanivy]

My daughter is 4, didn't really work until she was 3 I'd say. But every child is different, and you could tailor it to their age

Also I'm not saying I reward every single day. But that I can agree on a suitable reward with my daughter on a Sunday night. So we agree beforehand on a set amount of stars needed for the end of the week. Then she knows exactly what the consequences are for misbehaving etc. She loves doing the chart up too. I don't feel I'm bribing her though. Its worked for us. Personally I feel correcting behaviour at home or school would be slightly different.

Naughty step/time out whatever you call it, but it didn't really work for us. (Though we did call it time out) But I think it was also because I was working and my daughter was at her grans etc. So her time out rules were never followed through by anyone else. And she always came back worse behaved for being there. Consistency is definitely key, so if you do decide on anything, make sure family members etc follow them too if you're working. I can't count how many arguments I had with OH about his mum ignoring rules about behaviour which made it 10x harder

Xx