Devastated - what's normal and rational?

[Bubbles22]

Hi all

Had a miscarriage on Wednesday, I was 6+4. It was our first pregnancy. We our completely devastated. Life seems empty now and I just can't stop crying and moping around. Only a couple of close friends know and having to put a brave fake face on is draining me.

This whole situation is bizarre. I'm mourning my baby that I never met or even seen on a scan. The only thing I have is the letter from my gp confirming the pregnancy and my booking appointment. I feel like a fraud and a drama queen. There are so many people that are worse off than us but right now I feel that my whole world has collapsed and nothing seems normal.

I'm signed of work until Wednesday and I feel that I should go back ASAP as again, I feel like a drama queen. I feel that I should be able to just get up and get on with it but right now I don't have the energy. Is this normal or am I being a drama queen?

Thanks x

 

[fiverebeccas]

I can't offer you any advice but just want to let you know I am so so sorry to hear of your loss. stay strong xxxx

 

[Flickalicious]

It's completely normal hun. You're not being a drama queen at all. Im so sorry for your loss Try and be reassured by the fact that we miscarry because there is something not right with baby and it kisses us
goodbye before it can hurt anymore. Note down your dates, keep the paperwork safe and try to bring back some normalcy for you and your other half. I know it's truly heartbreaking but it is ok for you both to grieve. Intimacy may not be on your mind right now but women are most fertile after this time and if you try you may have success falling for another rainbow. Little comfort I know but don't give up xXx

 

[laurat]

Im so sorry for your loss! You are not a fraud in the slightest as your feelings are normal. Any of us who have had a mc know about the grief that you feel. You have to go through the process. It does get easier in time. Soend time together and talk! Xxx

 

[Lolie14]

We too lost our first at 6+4. At the time only our family and a couple of my work colleagues knew as I was at work when it happened. I took two weeks off and then felt it right to go back to work. I personally found it helped me heal by talking about it and by telling those friends and colleagues who weren't aware rather than keeping it to ourselves.

A friend has just announced her pregnancy and her due date is two weeks before ours should have been so that has cut deep this week.

Please don't feel like a fraud and take all the time in the world to mourn.

 

[wifeywifey]

Im so sorry for your loss hun. You are not a drama queen its a hard thing to go through and I don't think having no picture or anything helps at all. This is perfectly normal and you need to let yourself grieve. X

 

[Bubbles22]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I really appreciate them. It is just so hard to know what is normal right now. I just wish things were so much different. I know time will help but right now I can't feel anything but sadness and emptiness. My husband has been amazing through all of this and I look at him and I feel so bad. I know the miscarriage was not my fault but his pain hurts me so much.

Thank you for letting me rant here, it helps just to put my feelings out there and for people to understand.

Bubbles xx

 

[wifeywifey]

I don't think there is a normal as such everyone is different but you have every right to feel sad. I found buying a bracelet/ necklace or something you can keep close to you helped as I had something if that makes sense. X it gets easier I promise.

 

[lisa1985]

Everybody copes differently with grief. I had 1 week signed off due to threatened mc, then 2 weeks signed off after confirmed mc and operation. Then a further 3 weeks signed off as I hated my job and was very stressed before I lost baby and could not cope with going back. I found another job while on sick leave. But I literally spent 6 weeks moping around and crying everyday and drinking wine at 5pm. It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through.
You are not a drama queen at all! It does get easier with each week that passes I promise. xx

 

[RhondaLou]

You are not being a drama queen. I found that in the past when folks said they had lost a baby I would say sorry and mean it from the bottom of my heart. But I never really understood it until it happened to me. You are mourning the little one you created and all the hopes and dreams you had for that little one. try to let it happen as it needs to. If you need to cry then cry if you want to shout and scream then do that nobody can tell you how you should feel or act or when you should be " over it". Take care of you and sod the rest.

I found it a lonely experience as nobody knew how I felt even if they had experienced a loss themselves because it was my baby and my loss. I had an amazing support network though which did help tremendously.

Take as long as you need hun you will find all the love and support on this forum. But don't feel guilty for hurting its going to hurt and it needs to come out. Holding it in is not healthy.

Take good care of yourself and be patient. It does get better with time I promise you xx

 

[Doorotas]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. You are not being drama queen (like you know already from other replies ). You lost your dream and it will hurt like any other loss.
You will find people who will be surprised that you can grieve at all and will most probably tell you to toughen up and stop moaning (i happened to me...).
Ignore them. Take as long as you need to grieve and if it becomes too overwhelming ask your GP to refer you to bereavement counselling.
I found out about my miscarriage on 12 week scan (the baby was only 6mm). Nothing in my life hit me that hard. I ended up having counselling and it helped me enormously.
Keep strong. It will happen for you
All the baby dust in your way!

 

[Bubbles22]

Hi ladies thank you so much for all your responses, it really does mean a lot that people have taken time to respond and offer comfort at this terrible time. I'm feeling a bit better today and seem to becoming a little more rational. My boss has tortured me since Monday, 8 text messages and 3 phone calls and I am so emotional right now that I really can't deal with work issues (especially as I am off sick and she is not allowed to contact me). But anyway... Emotionally I am feeling a little stronger and physically, I have stopped bleeding but I am sore all over... Don't know if this is normal but doc says everything should calm down after first period...

Anyway, thanks again x

 

[lisa1985]

Glad you are feeling a little better, it takes time but you will get there.

In response to your other thread on here, I felt physically bad for about a week or 2 after mc. I had back ache, weird tummy pains/wind, spots, greasy hair and very moody. Dr said it was the hormones as they drop dramatically.

You should make a complaint about your boss, they are not allowed to do that. 1 text fine, but calls and 8 texts!!! xx