Desperate for help

[Daddy2bee]

Good afternoon everyone.

In the past year I have found out I`m a dad, at first I didnt play much part as I, and my ex partner didnt know who the dad was. Now, over time, ive contributed quite a lot of time to make up for the time lost. I visit my ex, who lives a good 1 h 55 min by drive, or an hour an 20 minutes by train.

I go down to spend time with my daughter, and the mother also allows me to stay over on her couch so I am getting time with my daughter.

Now, within the year, me and my ex have had constant arguments, but then come to good terms which proved to be fine, until her mum has had input which stopped me from seeing my daughter, but then my ex decided for herself again that I can see my daughter.

Now, my ex said she wanted me to have more time with my daughter, which I have tried to do as much as I can with limited funds due to being out of work due to a mental illness, and now recently because of her problems up her end, I am now getting the backlash, and she has asked that she needs space, so I have gave her a week, and im going to contact her tonight. But, I just cant get my head around it all, what do I do because on the one hand Im allowed to see my daughter, and on the other I get told my ex needs space which ultimately means seeing my daughter is less of an opportunity. Im just lost and I don`t know where to turn, can anyone help?

I mean we havent got to the stage of getting my name on the birth certificate, as I havent had the money and its just something we havent done yet. I just wish I knew what to do.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and any advice is much appreciated.

Thank you

(I recently have got a job within the past two weeks which I start at the end of the month)

 

[Phoenix85]

Do you have your own place? Is the baby's mum wanting you to take your daughter maybe? Rather than see her at your ex's house?

My ex comes round to see our kids two evenings a week but I really hate those nights, I would rather he take them to his place but he lives too far away so instead he is here in my house and the kids fight when he is round (a lot more than when he isn't here!). Now it's summer he's said he'll start taking them to the park etc for an hour or two on an evening instead so they are out of the house, which will be better.

Anyway, it makes me wonder if she'd rather you took your daughter out for a few hours or had her on a weekend or something so she has more of a break and some time to herself. It's very stressful IMO having your ex and your child(ren) in your home for visits.

 

[Daddy2bee]

Do you have your own place? Is the baby's mum wanting you to take your daughter maybe? Rather than see her at your ex's house?

My ex comes round to see our kids two evenings a week but I really hate those nights, I would rather he take them to his place but he lives too far away so instead he is here in my house and the kids fight when he is round (a lot more than when he isn't here!). Now it's summer he's said he'll start taking them to the park etc for an hour or two on an evening instead so they are out of the house, which will be better.

Anyway, it makes me wonder if she'd rather you took your daughter out for a few hours or had her on a weekend or something so she has more of a break and some time to herself. It's very stressful IMO having your ex and your child(ren) in your home for visits.

Hey, thank you for replying.

I have my own house yes, I live on my own, My girl friend lives at her parents but stays here quite often, but she`d be more than willing to go home whilst I have my daughter here with her mother. My ex`s daughter lives a long distance away, and by the sounds of things, she wont EVER stay at my house.

I don`t think my daughters ready to come home with me, or even to be taken away from her mother yet, as with me seeing her in a limited space of time, she often forgets who I am because shes so young and I often become a stranger to her which is heart breaking, hence why ive been trying to do my best to see her lately.

The thing is, I want to take her out, or id love to do something with her to give my ex a bit of space, I mean in the past we havent seen eye to eye and she doesnt trust me at all, but when I go down, I do everything in my power to help her. Clean her kitchen, hoover, do something to at least take a bit of weight off her shoulders, even make tea so she doesnt have to and leave stuff for her left over so she can eat a few days after, I just want to do what I can for her in order to give her a break.

I want to do what I can to help her, but she just doesnt see it, I mean I don`t blame her considering the past, but she just needs to let me help her. Where she lives, theres one or two people who used to be close with her, but now are distant and thats stressing her out and she took it out on me earlier this week, so on the one hand I want to help her, make it easier for her, and be there on a regular basis like she asked, but then shes telling me she needs space, I just dont know what to do.

Thank you for getting back to me by the way!

 

[Phoenix85]

No problem. I know what you mean about your daughter being too young, I'd feel like that too if mine were little, they are 9 & 12 now so I'm fine with them going out with their dad, with young babes and toddlers it's a bit different, I was just wondering if that's what your ex was hinting for when she was saying she wanted you to have more time with your daughter, but that she needed space.
If your daughter is very young (sounds like she's still a baby?) it makes things more difficult.

Sounds like you're doing everything you can. Hopefully your ex will start to see how much you're trying and be more appreciative.

 

[Daddy2bee]

No problem. I know what you mean about your daughter being too young, I'd feel like that too if mine were little, they are 9 & 12 now so I'm fine with them going out with their dad, with young babes and toddlers it's a bit different, I was just wondering if that's what your ex was hinting for when she was saying she wanted you to have more time with your daughter, but that she needed space.
If your daughter is very young (sounds like she's still a baby?) it makes things more difficult.

Sounds like you're doing everything you can. Hopefully your ex will start to see how much you're trying and be more appreciative.

Well my daughter is 1 year and 4 months old, so I can understand if my ex doesn't want to let go of her just yet because id be the same, I mean I can understand why my daughter is so clingy towards her because shes constantly with her, so I fully understand that its hard for her because my daughter doesnt want to let go of mummy. I just do what I can to help, and to be there for my daughter, but my ex takes her stress out on me, but ive come to become numb to it. I won`t give up on my daughter though. I honest cant tell if she`s hinting to me, shes a hard nut to crack so to speak. I hope she see`s it hun, Im struggling to think what to do next, Im so lost, I mean we both suffer from Depression, and Anxiety too. So its just a mess, but Im trying to stay as strong as I can for my daughter n to help her mum in the mean time.. just feel like my efforts are wasted, or im the thing she takes her moods out on.

 

[Blueclass]

Hey what about if you go to a group with her and the baby so your out the house. Something like baby gym she could maybe have a coffee and you could play with her? It's good ur girl friend is understanding with you staying there. I can't say I'd be the same lol. Maybe ask what she would like you to do in order to help her more. It sounds like your doing a good job well trying. Ask if you could have her on your own for a bit whilst at hers tell her to go and get some alone time. It will help you bond with baby and she will have some space. Just a few ideas hope you sort it.