Ex's parents , opinions pls *updated pg2*

[claire_louise]

ok, i know they did know about their grandchild, but i get the feeling he may have told them i got rid of it (his wishful thinking) they have no way of contacting me, they dont know my address/phone number and my parents are ex-directory.

i refuse to cut them out of my LO's life if they genuinely want to be invloved. but i dont want to feel like theyre going behind his back. SO i had this idea ..

i will send them a christmas card, in it i will put a copy of the scan pic, and a letter, explaining that if they want to see their grand daughter, then i do not have a problem as long as its done on neutral space. i will also put something like,

'i do not know what chris has told you, but im sure you are clever people and realise there are two sides to every story, i do not want to speak badly of chris to you, however i would like to leave the door open if you wish to meet your grand daughter, if on the other hand you do not wish to be involved please do not respond to this, i have had enough upset and hurt regarding this, i am not looking for more'

basically the last thing i want is to get nasty calls/ letters from them (i dont think they would) but i want them to know i do consider them my LO's family. then i know i have done all i can to include all of my LO's closest relatives and if they chose not to be part of her life then that is them and not me deciding that

 

[claire_louise]

oh and for the record, im not actually expecting a reply. so please dont think im deluding myself into a nice fluffy world where they'll appreciate me getting in touch

 

[nazmomi]

I think It's a great idea, shows your being the mature one and they can never tyrn round and say its your fault they weren't involved. Good luck

 

[nissa]

Sounds like a good idea. I did this and they decided not to be in contac but his mother did say she appreciated it.

Personally though, I would avoid the whole ' two sides - clever people- talking badly ' stuff and go with a simple.

"I'm just writing to let you know that you are very welcome to be a part of your grand daughters life regardless of what happens between Chris and I. Please feel free to get in touch."

Something nice and simple so he can't accuse you of point scoring or talking down to them or anything. Then it's very much in there hands and you know you've tried.

Good luck.

 

[claire_louise]

i know he'll go mental at me though when he finds out, but i guess i could just delete messages from him

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

hun i think that is a lovely idea, and they should be very grateful ur giving them this chance
and if he has a go at u i wouldnt delete the messages id keep them u may need them one day

 

[bunnymom1980]

I'd say its a good idea. It's leaves the ball in their court and at least you can't say you haven't tried.

 

[Babylicious]

Sounds like a good idea. I did this and they decided not to be in contac but his mother did say she appreciated it.

Personally though, I would avoid the whole ' two sides - clever people- talking badly ' stuff and go with a simple.

"I'm just writing to let you know that you are very welcome to be a part of your grand daughters life regardless of what happens between Chris and I. Please feel free to get in touch."

Something nice and simple so he can't accuse you of point scoring or talking down to them or anything. Then it's very much in there hands and you know you've tried.

Good luck.

I agree with this

 

[claire_louise]

yep i agree with more smiles too, pls note what i posted was a very first few ideas,

i quickly drafted a proper version this morning, its simple, leaves it entirly up to them BUT makes it clear i dont want any hassle

thanks everyone btw im kinda pleased to know it seems like a good idea to other ppl as well as me

 

[Storm.]

I think its a really sweet idea, even if they say no, in your heart you know you have tried and tats the important thing, when your child asks questions (if they do) in later life you can be honest and say well you werent selfish you gave them the chance!

hey any chance you can let us know how it goes?

 

[mamichuli]

It is morally the right thing to do in my opinion, and a very brave honest thing for you to be doing. I agree with moresmiles that your note needs to be very very neutral, but in essence it is a lovely idea on your part. I will warn you that i know of at least one other member on here, names unnamed who tried something like this, very similar in fact and it kinda blew up in her face. I am not trying to be negative, just to warn you that the problem may not be if they dont answer, but if they do, iykwim.



Lisa

 

[claire_louise]

hey any chance you can let us know how it goes?

course i will

Lisa, im terrified they might reply with a load of abuse, really really terrified, but i need to do it i think. i am really scared. on the other hand what ever they say cant be as bad as what my ex has said so i guess thats something

 

[Jade&Evie]

I get on really well with my ex's Dad and his stepmum; I have a better relationship with hem than my ex does.

I hope they are supportive xxxx

 

[claire_louise]

aww jade thats good to hear

i honestly dont think they will be in my case, if they were THAT bothered (providing they know baby is still here) then they could have got in contact through their youngest son who i still speak to occassionally, on the other hand they might not know i speak to him if that makes sense

 

[abcd1234]

My ex's parents only found out about Tally because my mum had to tell them as i was nearly 11 weeks and going for my scan and he'd just burried his head in the sand.

They've been great since. In fact i'd love it if he would disappear but Tally could still ahve that side of her family. I used to text his mum updates on my pregnancy and invited her along to my 4d scan so she could meet her then. We also used to go for lunch etc before i had her.

She comes to see Tally a bit, hasnt as much recently but she's been away lots so i hope her interest hasn't wained. and we NEVER talk about her son. If he does come up i never put him down as i know that she knows he's a total twat but she doesnt wanna hear that from me. Unfortunately she also makes a financial contribution which her son should be too.

I'd say always leave the door open, his grandparents liked seeing Tally too and i've given them my number but they've never called, i'll still be sending them a christmas card from Tally and his parents and sister will get one too and i've bought them some chocolates from me and will et something from Tally too just to say thankyou for being there.

My ex wont be getting anything though

 

[claire_louise]

OMG OMG OMG update !!! ....

ages ago i changed my sig on a website to a baby ticker, my ex text me saying that his brother had found out about the baby, and told his parents. he accused me of ruining his life, not giving him chance to tell his family blah blah blah bascially made me feel guilty and i even ended up apologising.

so i spent the last 3 months thinking that they knew; and didnt give a s**t about baby. i was chatting to his bro on facebook last night, and decided to bite the bullet...

me - right, you're prob never going to speak to me again after this but
if you ever want to meet your niece, the door is open. i dont expect you to, but just so you know

him -
ummm wait niece

Claire -
yeah its a girl

him-
i didnt even no its was chris's!!!!! Im guessing my mum and dad dont no either?

8:46pmClaire
WHAT!
you mean you didnt tell your mum ???

him
I didnt no it was chris's kid! this is the first i heard of it all i just thought u to had a fight!


few other various bits of the convo ...

him -
ummm no this is all new to me!
well he is a bit of a dick really isnt he!

him -
ooo yeh i definatly wanna meet her! get some piccys to put with my ones of **** ! (his nephew)

him -
na dw im not gonna say anything to him he obs doesnt care so its his loss tbh! im actually rather happy now tho will hav a niece and nephew

talking about his mum ...

yeh i no for a fact that they wudnt shut u out either! mum wud most definatly wanna see her lol


he also asked if i'd send him a copy of the scan pics, and gave me his number and told me to text him if theres anything i need, no matter how small!

sorry for the massive post, but wanted to keep you all informed !!

 

[mamichuli]

Aw hun, that is lovely... so there is every chance that his parents WILL want to be part of her life when they know about her. Good for you, and for LO...

Lisa

 

[littlepip]

Thats fantastic news!!!!!!

 

[claire_louise]

yeah im still shocked but happy.

his bro has now added me on msn not sure if he got the scan pics i sent, wonder if my ex might have spotted my writing .... second thoughts no he's not that bright

will let you know how i get on, might see if his bro has any ideas bout telling his parents lol afterall he knows them better then i do

 

[mummykay]

yay!!! his bro sounds decent anyway, shame those genes werent shared out equally

hope his family get on ur side hun, uv done nothin wrong - its all his stupidity!!