Dealing with birth fear

[Baby2sky]

Last time I never was afraid of labour or birth, but this time around it is all I can think of and is consuming all my thoughts with 7 weeks to go.

With my daughter I had 2 massive secondary haemorrhages due to retained placenta and lost 3.5l of blood and was very poorly (rushed to theatre in an oxygen mask, monitored in high dependency every 15mins...). I had a discussion with a consultant last week who has basically told me the same thing could happen again, and there is nothing they can do to prevent it. Everywhere I've read says that the usual protocol is to have a managed 3rd stage, but unbeknownst to me, I had that last time (apparently I actually had a bigger dose than usual) and yet it still happened. I've managed to convince the hospital to not put me on the post natal ward after last time they manually tried removing the placenta with 8 other women and their husbands in the room, which after an episiotomy was horrific. My husband can also stay overnight with me as long as I'm in there, but all I keep thinking about is what if its worse this time? What if I leave my daughter without a mother? I am waking up every night in tears because I am having the recurring dream that it will be worse this time.

Everyone close to me says they know about it this time and will be more prepared, but they were prepared last time and it still happened? Women die from hemerrhages. I just don't know what more I can do to overcome this fear.

 

[H16]

I had a PPH with my daughter (not as bad as yours) and was borderline for having a transfusion due to the amount of blood loss, had to stay in hospital for 4.5 days after birth and was really poorly. Was on iron tablets for 3 months after birth as I was so weak from blood loss etc, it was horrible. I have also been told that I can expect to have a PPH again this time due to having it with my daughter and I have worries like you that it will be worse this time etc. I am not sure why I had a PPH to be honest as my placenta came out fine but I had a back to back labour, 3rd degree tears an epi and was pretty anemic already so all may of played a part. Also my mum had a PPH with all 5 of her kids so not sure if that is a coincidence or of significance either? I just say to myself well at least if they are expecting it to happen again then they will be slightly better prepared this time.

Sadly there isn't a lot you can do to prevent these things, but remember just because it happened first time round it isn't guaranteed 100% that it will happen again. Have they given you an option for a c section due to fears? I assume it would be easier to remove placenta via section as then they can make sure all of it is out? x

 

[MrsMeaney]

oh hun, I wish I could offer some advice to comfort you. Just take some comfort in knowing that you'll be in the best place and they didn't let you die last time!

I sort of understand, because I'm frightened this time too. I'm having a VBAC and I'm really worried that something will go wrong and that I'll suffer a uterine rupture, which could kill us both. Not only that, but my emergency section was a horrible experience and recovery was awful, so I really don't want to have to go through that. Not quite on the same level but I do understand how easy it is to feel frightened the second time around.

Rationally though, we have to remember that dying in childbirth is extremely uncommon in our country in this age, and having a closely managed clinical birth will lower this risk even further. The people in your hospital will be there to look after you, and being prepared means that they can deal with the emergency if it arises, even if they can't stop it from happening. They saved your life last time, remember

Thinking of you x

 

[Baby2sky]

Thanks ladies I hope you also get the birth you deserve this time around xxx

Eta I asked about a csection and they said it increases the risks of pph so they won't consider one xxx

 

[Pin badge]

Tri hopping but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're feeling so anxious, do you think it might be worth having some sort of counselling before your next birth? It sounds very traumatic and it's totally understandable you are worrying.

I feel a bit similar in that I ended up having a laparoscopy on a massive ovarian cyst when I was 14 weeks, they found it at my 12 week scan and I'm so anxious that it will happen again and I'll have to go through all the fear, uncertainty and pain again. It was horrid and no where near as bad as you but I can relate why you're upset. I just keep telling myself it is not guaranteed to happen again! Every pregnancy and birth is just so different.

A crystal ball would be amazing wouldn't it! Xx

 

[MrsMeaney]

Tri hopping but didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you're feeling so anxious, do you think it might be worth having some sort of counselling before your next birth? It sounds very traumatic and it's totally understandable you are worrying.

this is a very good idea. I was offered a one to one with my consultant to go over the notes from my c-section, although I didn't think it would help. I did, however have some counselling about other stuff and found my birth fears coming up! Some women suffer from PTSD so I would mention it to your MW and see if she can get you referred for some talking therapy

 

[BunnyN]

My mum had a bad experience with her 1st birth and didn't plan to have more children because of it. She got pregnant with me by mistake 6 years later but had a lovely birth with me. I don't think anything is going to take all your fear away as you had such a traumatic time last time but there is a good chance everything will be fine and it sounds like they will be doing some things differently this time. Hugs.

 

[Rooster30]

Gee. They tried to manually remove your placenta on a ward?!!! That sounds so wrong I had my placenta manually removed after the birth of my daughter and it was done in theatre.

Your nerves are completely understandable. Talk it all through with your midwife and write everything down on your birth plan so the midwives/doctors fully understand your history.

 

[BunnyN]

It does sound pretty wrong. I'm just assuming it was an emergency and they didn't have time to get you to theatre, or there was no space ready to be used and they couldn't wait?

Are you in the UK? I am not particularly pro CS but I can understand why you would consider an elective CS. In the UK you can't be refused one if that is what you want. They can require you to do counciling first. On the other hand the fact they are not suggesting a CS seems to indicate they don't think its likely to happen again. As they are usually pretty quick to suggest one when there are any possible extra risk factors.

 

[Goat]

Hi Hun! As you know my first daughter was really ill when born due to a problem with my placenta. The scariest thing for me to deal with was that it was a problem they have no way of picking up on during scans, dopplers etc so I also got the crappy 'there's nothing we can do to prevent it second time round' response from the consultant. I was really worried and paranoid over everything and in the end had a 'planned' emergency section. All was fine and the baby totally healthy. However because of my previous experience I had 2 consultants in the room in addition to a pediatric doctor to double check the baby over. It calmed me a lot.
I know there's nothing I or anyone can say to make you relax but I just wanted you to know I've felt exactly the same way but you will get through it and you will have a bigger team of professionals there to ensure if you do have another pph they can act much sooner than they did the first time.xx