Crisis!

[kabey]

I'm soooo scared of babies, I know I won't be with my own, just other people's... and a family friend has brought her 18 month old daughter round!

I don't know what to do... I'm too scared to go downstairs! And everyone will be watching me because I'm pregnant! Argeeee.

xx

 

[Sandi4Paul]

don't worry, when i see friends with kids i don't really bond with them even though they all know i am pregnant. There is nothing wrong with not liking any one else's little bundle of joy (ahem).

Sandi

 

[fuffins1981]

Come on Kabey lol....This probably doesnt fit into the definition of the word crisis lol

I think you need to face your phobia and go downstairs. And 18 month old baby is waaay different to a newborn. So, do not worry

 

[millylillyrose]

dont worry hun, just be normal.
there's not much you'd need to do with an 18month old baby, just say hello to her nicely, and go about regular life. no one will expect anything from you.

 

[kabey]

Haha thanks for the advice, feel quite embarrassed now!
She was lovely, really loud and squealy but really cute. I've always wanted a boy but would be OK with having a girl now!
Also got to see how my dog was with her, and he was fine, so that's good!
xx

 

[bowmanzoo]

Glad it turned out better than expected. If it helps reasure you i've never been mega maternal but it's different when it's your own. Sometimes you might have to put in extra work like I did to get to where I am. Do you know why you fear children? Mine was the fact I never had a brilliant upbringing myself abuse ect and never spent any time round young children when I was growing up so I never really knew how to be mummy but with help from the outside world I got there and today have much more confidence when it comes to kids. I'm not saying you'll need that help but am just pointing out that not everybody is born into this world to be maternal and some of us need support to get through it and help us gain that confidence needed. Through help I now believe i'm a better person that I believed I was a few years ago. I used to believe I was evil because in my eyes there was evilness in my family with my nan, father and mother. Just because abuse has been going on down the chains for years it doesnt mean it has to continue. Ok going off on one now but please you'll be fine and if u need extra support then take it.

 

[kabey]

Hey there bowmanzoo... omg you could be right, I have suffered abuse at the hands of my mum all my life, and still do to be honest, which could explain my "fear" of children. My childhood was horrible, so you're right, I may need more support. Hopefully though it means instead that I'll be a very loving mum because I could never put another person through what I've had to endure.

xx

 

[JoAnn&Aimee]

I am awful with other peoples children. They make me nervous as I don't know what to say or do with them. My friend has a 3 year old and she is the only child I am good with.

 

[Bubalu]

I am the same around other peoples kids and I have to keep telling myself that I'll be better with my own. I think that for me it's because I was the youngest in my family (and extended family) and was never really exposed to babies until I was an adult. Then they always seem to yell as soon as I go near them so generally I've avoided contact. Sometimes I think I ought to offer to babysit children of friends just to get some practice in but then I chicken out.

Well done for facing your fears Kabey...I'm glad you had a good experience.

 

[bowmanzoo]

Hey there bowmanzoo... omg you could be right, I have suffered abuse at the hands of my mum all my life, and still do to be honest, which could explain my "fear" of children. My childhood was horrible, so you're right, I may need more support. Hopefully though it means instead that I'll be a very loving mum because I could never put another person through what I've had to endure.

xx

Hi

May very well be the case. My sister was the same until she became more confident with her son and he only happened through an accident. She never wanted children and I don't think she would of had any if it wasnt for corey being an accident but she's a fab mummy. My sister suffered a bit from pnd when he was born and I suffered severe pnd with my first child as I just freaked out with him. Sometimes I have bad days where I've told my 2 year old off and I feel guilty and think omg i'm turning into my mum and nan and get really worked up. At one point when Joanna came home to me I felt the same fear as I had with my son and distanced myself from her and became very depressed but with the support of my husband and friends I came through that but still have the odd day where I think omg am I turning into my mum or nan but i've more confidence now and 9 times out of 10 I can reasure myself that i'm nothing like them. I don't abuse my daughter, she's very loved, I interact with her ect. Actually yesterday I was at my mums and my sister was there with her son and I was watching my mum with her grandson and there was no interaction at all going on between them and I actually sat there and thought omg did you treat me like that when I was a baby. She was so false with him and just wasnt baby friendly at all. If my sister hadnt said anything she would have smoked around him, he is a year and a bit and has severe asthma which my mother knows about, my daughter has it to.

You'll be a fab mummy i'm sure

 

[abcd1234]

I get nervous around other peoples children, i worry they're going to think im doing it all wrong (mainly because someone accused me of nearly killing her 2 month old when she actually had a congenital condition which meant she had trouble breathing at times, and i wasnt even around her when it happened sorry it just still makes me angry now, they were saying id been feeding her solids as if!!)

Anyway, i love babies and kids but i do worry they'll judge, i assume thats why im so defensive over my own baby! But at least it'll mean i know what i'm doing when she gets here, cos i wont let myself get anything wrong lol

 

[smile]

wise words from my mother..

when babies are born all they do is eat sleep and poo because that is all you are able to deal with. They don't learn to walk until you have had time to recover enough to catch them and they don't learn to talk until you have learnt enough to know what to answer

she is right, I could never have coped with a 12 week old baby smile when he was born - now I can because we have learned together

 

[bowmanzoo]

I get nervous around other peoples children, i worry they're going to think im doing it all wrong (mainly because someone accused me of nearly killing her 2 month old when she actually had a congenital condition which meant she had trouble breathing at times, and i wasnt even around her when it happened sorry it just still makes me angry now, they were saying id been feeding her solids as if!!)

Anyway, i love babies and kids but i do worry they'll judge, i assume thats why im so defensive over my own baby! But at least it'll mean i know what i'm doing when she gets here, cos i wont let myself get anything wrong lol

Oh hun
Understandable why you're so scared. I'm the same when it comes to freaking out about cot death, it's a horrible thing to happen but one of my fears is if it ever happens to me will I get accused of murder. I hate the first year of a baby's life because thats when it's most likely to happen. I'm not sure what to say to help you feel any beter but i'm sure you'll be a fab mummy.

 

[DaisyRose]

Hiya,

I was terrified of children before I had my first little girl (pregnancy was an accident!!!) and I didn't have a clue about babies - someone could have told me that they walked at 2 months old and I would have been none the wiser!!! I remember someone bringing a 4 month old around to my house and I'd never held one before then; I hadn't a clue how to hold him and he just wriggled and started crying!!!! When I had my little one though it was all different - they're used to your voice and your motion etc.

I didn't spend any time around young children when I was growing up either, and although I had a good childhood most of the time, my Dad had issues with drink and sometimes got violent. That kind of thing does really all come back when you have your own kids.

 

[fuffins1981]

wise words from my mother..

when babies are born all they do is eat sleep and poo because that is all you are able to deal with. They don't learn to walk until you have had time to recover enough to catch them and they don't learn to talk until you have learnt enough to know what to answer

she is right, I could never have coped with a 12 week old baby smile when he was born - now I can because we have learned together

That is the loveliest and best way to think of it. You mother sounds really wise!

I was scared my son would never make it, with ,e as his mom. So when he hit 5 last year, I threw a big party. More to celebrate that he was alive with all limbs intact....after 5 years with me!