Crap day and feel like life's on hold *UPDATED*

[miffy]

Hi everyone

Just need to have a bit of a rant! Had a really crap day!
Have been living in Bahrain for over a year now and in that time, no exaggeration, I think virtually every woman I know (apart from the young free and singlies) has either had a baby or is expecting one now (there's not a great deal to do here and most women don't work, so you can see why!).
It was the last straw today when the final friend who wasn't expecting announced that she's nearly 3 months and telling me how sick she's been. Obviously I congratulated her, but when I got home I just cried and cried.
I would have been due next month, and then March 08, but now nothing. (This friend doesn't know about my mcs).
Back to feeling that I can't leave the house, I'd rather just shut myself away from it all.

Just can't stand it anymore, feel like my life's on hold. AF was due Friday, I've had 2 BFNs, and feel like AF is coming now.
Have applied for a job starting next August (I'm a teacher so have to apply in advance!). Hoping that I'll be pg by then but can't count on it, so thought I'd apply anyway. Just hate having all this uncertainty and not being able to plan the future. I know I shouldn't be putting a timeframe on myself as it just adds to the pressure, but I'm beginning to lose all hope.

Sorry for the rant, thought I'd been doing really well but little things can just set you back

 

[Steelgoddess]

Hon im sorry to hear you're feeling low and am sorry for your losses..



hearing about others good will of new babies etc doesnt help when you feeling this way and thats natural.

You need to hold onto that hope that one day you will have your long wanted baby but for now it is a grieving process and although some days are breezey other days will be hard...

 

[Happybunny]

Aww Miffy, I am so sorry that today has been so hard for you

It is so incredibly hard when you have lost your babies, yet you see everyone else with them, it just reminds you more of what you have been through.

I am so sorry, I can truly empathise with you, it is a terrible, lonely feeling. All I can say is that it will get better honey and one day you will have your little one and all this sadness will be a distant memory.

Don't give up hope

 

[Kimberly]

So sorry hun. I've had a lot of rough days lately too. I hope you feel better soon

 

[Rosebay]

I think you're right to be applying for the job etc, it is so easy to build plans up and put your life on hold but it makes it even harder then when things don't work out doesn't it? I met someone who I do Tai Chi with today and he told me that he and his wife are dropping out because his wife is 12 weeks pregnant and is really tired afterwards and has bad morning sickness and I felt so bad because my old reaction would have been "Wow, congratulations!" but this time in my head I immediately thought- I should be 13 weeks pregnant today too and I must have been feeling grotty all the time that she was in our classes but I'm not going to have a baby now and it really sucks . You think you're fine don't you and then off chance meetings or remarks slap you in the face.

Keep the faith hun, it will happen
+++

 

[DaisyRose]

Sorry to hear you're feeling really low Miffy. I think it's totally natural to feel shattered when others announce their pregnancies..... I know I certainly do, and have even been avoiding 2 out of 3 toddler groups I was attending due to this. 4 friends have recently annouced they are pregnant - one is due within a week of the one I lost, another was my pregnancy buddy with our 2nd children due on the same day (and our 1st were born within a month of each other); another with children of a similar age is expecting her 3rd!

It was less than two weeks after my mc when I met up with my post natal and pregnancy buddy and she announced her news (I was really looking forward to seeing her as I really needed someone to talk to but felt so dreadful when I got home that I cried, and had a big row with BF & refused to eat!). Blamed myself for being so useless. Saw it as a jinx too I think and it is still hard to get away from that!

It is really really difficult to be happy for others, I really do understand.

Take care and hope you're feeling better soon. It does get a little easier given time, and you'll most definitely have your moment too.

 

[miffy]

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this... felt a bit of a cow to get upset over somebody else's happy news!

Well...after such a cr*p day, there is light at the end of the tunnel..............

Tested this morning, after 2 previous BFNs last week, and got my BFP!!!

Hormones must have been raging yesterday I think!

Absolutely petrified, just going to take it one day at a time, not even sure if I'll join 1st tri until I get past 10 wks!

 

[Sammystar]

Congratulations to you!

I'll be keeping everything crossed for a sticky one

 

[Happybunny]

Tested this morning, after 2 previous BFNs last week, and got my BFP!!!

That is just excellent news!! I have posted in TTC. Good luck honey

 

[valentine]

Congratulations - that's fantastic news and you really deserve this.

Valentine xxx

 

[Rosebay]

Oh wow oh wow! Amazing! See, there you go hun!

If you're scared and need a hand holding anytime we're all here for you, the thought of the 1st Tri is a scary one BUT you can do it!

So so pleased for you
+++

 

[puppylove]

Im sorry to hear of ur m/c's and wanna congratulate u on ur bfp take care and as u say take each day at a time

 

[happy-chick]

Congratulations!!

 

[DaisyRose]

Miffy,

Congratulations - you really deserve it. Make sure you take care of yourself.

 

[Emma79]

Congratulations!

 

[Tick-Tock]

Congratulations..... just shows a crappy day can turn out to be a good one in the end!!!!