leckershell said:
I was expressing and using the bottle for the 3am feed, but it made no difference as it would still be me doing it as Nat wants his sleep so I may as well just do the boob LOL. Admittedly yeah he does do the housework - washing up and laundry etc, I just wouldn't have time... (though I still do shopping and make dinner) I'm not saying he doesn't pull his weight, and he tends to get the "settling" times when I'm at the end of my tether and Ryan won't go to sleep nomatterwhat. I'm grateful that he does go to work as we wouldn't manage otherwise, and I'm probably just imagining things, but it just feels like my life stops and his carries on as normal
and I'd rather just do things myself if he's going to moan about it. It makes me feel bad for Ryan, it's not his fault he needs food and poos himself all the time, so we shouldn't get in a mood with him for it and I try not to. Just makes me feel a bit
when I'm trying so hard and OH it just seems too much of an inconvenience
All I hear is 'can't wait to have a motorbike again', 'wish i could have a beer', 'do you mind if i go out with my brother/do an extra band practice this week etc etc'.
Maybe I'm just having a down day
Shell - I could have written this post myself and what you are going through definitely seems to be the norm for most of us and our OH's. I also had a few weeks of feeling fine one day then totally baby bluesy the next and that is totally normal too as your hormones are still all to pot.
My OH couldn't love our baby more, but his life is so back to normal already and was within a couple of weeks of our daughter being born! He struggles to understand why I only want him to go out for band practices (yes another musician!) or to football once a week - it's because after being with our daughter for the whole day, much as I love her - I just need a small amount of space to check emails or read for 15 mins or so - and I need and would like him around to help me do this. He'd like to go to football games on a Saturday too but I can't let this happen yet - I'm on my own five days a week and need him there at the weekend to lighten the load and spend quality time with us.
We are lucky that our daughter doesn't really cry and is really good but I still find it hard when OH is making me feel bad, so I really feel for you.
We're still settling in too and our daughter is breastfeeding on demand so we don't really have a routine as such but roughly I'll do all the feeding throughout the day, including expressing in the morning at around 9am (however I didn't start expressing until my daughter was 3 weeks old on the advice of our local b/feeding advisor) and then, just in the past week we've introduced a bottle of expressed milk at around 10 or 11pm ideally, although sometimes this feed is much later (depending when her last one was) - OH will do the bottle feed because at the moment she won't take it from me. We were also told not to introduce a bottle until between 5-7 weeks if we wanted to exclusively breastfeed as this can cause confusion for the baby. We want to breastfeed and have never used formula but I wanted our daughter to be able to take a bottle so I could leave her (not now, but in time) and just in case I was stuck somewhere and couldn't get home.
What really really annoys me (ggggrrrrrrr) is that OH will arrange days or nights out (not many as above, but some within agreed boundaries), then will just ASSUME I'll be around to care for our daughter. I mean, of course I will be - but I'm planning a night out at the end of October, my first night out and probably my first time leaving our daughter for any length of time (not just popping to the shop) and I've had to write it in the calendar and keep reminding OH that he will be 'babysitting' that night - where did I sign up for that kind of agreement?
However, I don't know if this will help you, but I have had to leave my resentment and just let it go as it was getting me down so much. OH would say, just ask me if you want me to do things or get up in the night - but the problem was that I didn't want to have to ask - I just wanted him to be on the ball (like me) and do things without being asked! Also, my OH is rubbish if he hasn't had enough sleep, whereas I can cope! I'm always always two steps ahead of him, I've got the change bag repacked and the pram in the boot while he's still having breakfast and I just don't think they think in the same way as us or can think about more than one thing at once. I've got a constant stream in my head - take washing in, express milk, do dishes, feed, change nappy, feed cats, make and eat lunch, put another load of washing on, phone x, check emails - but I just don't think boys work like that - they are simple creatures!
The other thing I had to try and understand was that OH wasn't doing me a favour by going to work. I started out by feeling really guilty that I was the one at home whereas OH had to go to work and he'd like to be at home with us, but I spoke to OH and he said that he knows that a baby needs its mummy and would never want things to be the other way round - just remember that you are doing SUCH an important job by bringing up your baby, feeding, cuddling, changing, interacting etc and don't feel guilty - and NO-ONE else could do that job better than you do.
Sorry leckershell - I've turned this into my own story - but all I'm trying to do is to reassure you that you are not alone by any means - we're all there or have been there - and to tell you what I've found helpful to cope with the situations.
Please let us know how you get on.
Valentine xxx
