Coping with Dementia

[Fluffy Bunny]

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[MissSara]

I have worked in a care home with most of the eldery in their suffereing dementia, i also looked after my grandma who had been suffering for 6 years with it.
Yes its very draining and emotional for anyone to see let alone family to live with it. It got to the point where my grandma was walking the streets at all hours of the night in lots of clothes with just one slipper on and the police were phoning me up saying we have you grandma with us again.

We has a family had to make the choice and she was put into the care home in which i worked and after she got used to her new surroundings she stopped trying to escape and started having fun with the other people in there and made quite a few friends.
We realised after time that this was the only choice and it was the right choice for her aswell as when she did get confused there is always someone around to help out and explain.

I hope you mum is ok hun, it must be really hard for her.
I'm not sure what else i can say as times like these are hard and upsetting for everyone involved.
I hope you dad settles soon.
Wishing you and your family all the best

 

[Fluffy Bunny]

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[MissSara]

They do make it as much fun as possible in care homes for people with dementia, my grandma used do all kinds of things to keep her busy and her mind busy. It was only really when she was bored and restless that she used to get angry.
The home used to get in singers and they all used to have sing a longs from their days which they loved, they used to have day trips and fish and chip fridays. It was really like my grandma went back to the days that she could remember and she found it really peaceful in them days.

Give it a little time hun and im sure the home will be more than willing to answer your questions even if you ring them every half an hour just to see how you dad is getting on.

 

[Funkylady]

you poor thing. I cant say much more other than I can understand how you are feeling, my grandad had this for many many years before being put into a home as it was just impossible for my nanna to care for him alone. (we live nearly 200 miles away).

for you

 

[Sandi4Paul]

it is very hard to do taht, but sometimes there are not many more options. Your mother doesn't sound liek she can do it on her own any more, and while she might not be happy to consider the alternatives, there doesn't really sound like a choice.

If finances are good have you thought about getting a live in carer to help them both once you mum comes home?

be warned though, they are not always trained, and not cheap (i was getting paid £70 per day 3 years ago + agency fees and the cost of an exta person living in the house).

Sandi

 

[Babylicious]

I really feel for you I do

Going through similar with my dad right now, but he's living with my eldest sister

 

[EllieG]

I really feel for you. It is so difficult to come to terms with how dementia / alzeheimers can change a person, and how hard it can be to care for them. My father in law had a degenerative neurological condition, and similarly he would get very confused, he was also very physically disabled in the end. Your dad really is in the right place, he should be assessed whilst he is in the respite unit, and a plan of care put in place that suits him and your mum. Often when you are caring for someone close to you like your mum was for your dad, you dont see how bad things have got because you are too close to it (does that make sense?) So having someone impartial involved in his care, may help to get a proper diagnosis for him. This site has a forum where you can talk to peopl on similar situations http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/index.php
I really hope it all works out for your family

 

[Fluffy Bunny]

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[Fen]

I haven't posted on the Forum before as I'm just (!!!) a first time granny-to-be as my daughter is 21 weeks pregnant and I'm so out of touch and I want to be able to be as appropriately modern as possible to give her as much, non intrusive support as I can. I never intended to post but really wanted to reply as I know how very difficult this situation can be. As well as the helpful link already posted, please look at http://www.carers.org/ as there's loads of Carer support, both practically and emotionally, available for the whole family. All the very best.

 

[Fluffy Bunny]

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[DaisyRose]

Hiya,

Really really sorry to hear about your Dad. I can sort of relate to what you're going through as my only relative left in this country, my Grandad, went in a home 18 months ago because he has a kind of dementia that is linked to small strokes.

My Mum especially (who lives in Spain) was devastated, and just couldn't accept what was happening; when he was in hospital following a fall he suddenly became really aggressive and when I visited with my children, he shouted for us to be removed - I was devastated! It's taken a long time for us to come to terms with what has happened to him, and he's most definitely not the person he used to be (I guess I've grieved for that old person now, and have had to accept a new him) but basically he's settled in a nursing home which is very near us so we can visit as often as we like. He always knows us and loves to see the girls (he even noticed my bump the other day and asked me when I am due), and as someone else said, they have loads of activities going on for the residents. Really, it is very very sad but I do think he is in the best place. I think my Mum still feels very guilty about not being here but the reality is that she never would have been able to cope with him, even if she lived close-by.

All I can say really is it does get easier, just take each day at a time.

 

[amethyst_echidna]

I know this is a relatively old thread but both my grandmothers suffered with similar illnesses. My paternal grandmother had 5 strokes and with each one she got progressively worse in terms of short term memory and anxiety. My grandpa was her carer full-time except for a home help lady who came twice a week for a couple of hours so he could go out and do the shopping and other chores. She died in 2002 and my grandpa was devastated. They'd been married almost 60 years. My maternal grandmother had an Alzheimer's-related illness and many of her symptoms were the same - no short-term memory, wandering in the middle of the night, anxiety etc. In the end we had to place her in a care home but honestly once she'd settled into her new environment things were far better all round (for her and for the family). She died at the start of last year and she was happy and comfortable until the end. In many ways I wish that my grandpa had placed my paternal grandmother into care but he just couldn't. It was just so hard seeing the strain on him and how distressed she was most of the time.

It's awful having to go through this but I'm sure in a few months your Dad will settle into his new environment and make new friends. The people at my maternal grandmother's care home were wonderful and she liked them all.

Good luck hun, and best wishes to you and your family.

AMETHYST