Constant biting becoming serious problem

[Faith1]

Hello

Please help! Do you have any tips to offer me?

I'm a distraught mother of an 18 month old. He started biting at 11 months old. He started nursery 4 days a week when he was nearly a year old. The biting was happening once or twice a week and each time it happened I was mortified! The nursery were so overwhelmed that they asked the local authorities for help. Someone came in to observe my little boy and offered the nursery tips to help overcome it. Let me tell you everything that the nursery and I have tried:

- making sure he is not hungry or thirsty
- taught him some sign language so he can tell us what he want
- ignore him once he has bitten and comfort the child who was bitten
- tell him what he is doing is biting, it hurts and get him to look at the mark and say sorry
- at home I put him in time out (which I think he understands but continues to do it)
- nursery to recognise signs of tiredness or frustration and take him to another setting like the garden or the sensory room
- individual plan in place to make sure he gets enough 1:1 time and plenty of attention

He started teething at 3 months old and has been teething pretty much ever since.

Today he bit a child so badly on their cheek he wouldn't let go and one of the practitioners had to get help to remove him. I am beyond devastated for the children he is hurting. My husband and I are at a complete loss. People tell me it's a phase and he won't do it forever but I need it to stop now.

 

[kumber]

Ohh gosh, that sounds like such a difficult situation! I have no advice but I really feel for you

 

[Belfa]

Hi my LO bites (though yours sounds more extreme!), he has also started hitting and body slamming.

The two things you've said that makes me feel caution are; you're trying a lot of things to make him stop, pick one and keep it consistent with you and the nursery. I believe the current guidelines that the nursery will be working to is telling him it's wrong and explaining why.

Also, why could your nursery not cope? In what situations is he doing it i.e. Is it when playing etc? When he's sharing toys? I would be tempted to speak to some other nurseries and ask them how well equipped they are as really, it IS normal for toddler boys (and girls!), particularly at the verge of trying to speak, to feel frustration and lash out. Unless he comes from an unstable environment (which he doesn't), I can't see why the nursery would need to call in someone else which makes me wonder if it's their environment/ discipline that's not helping?

 

[Faith1]

Thank you so much for your comment.

The nursery said they hadn't experienced anything like it before and suggested that maybe he was there too many days!! I think you make a good point about the consistency, I really need to think about this.

I went to visit another nursery and the manager made me feel so relaxed about it and the way they talked about how they would deal with it was really positive. I'm tempted to move him to another nursery but cautious because he has built up relationships where he is currently and I don't want to disrupt him.

I feel sick with worry all the time. There was another bad incident today. When they phone to tell me at work I'm not sure what they want me to say

 

[Belfa]

Is he quite an outgoing child? Mine is and I think that is part of the problem too, like he expects too much from his peers! Today my husband had to sign an incident form as he was playing with another child and grabbed his nose and dug his nails in!! Our nursery just handle it themselves and explain what happened when we pick him up which made me wonder about your nursery.

It is tough when they're settled though. My LO's friends were all 6montjs older so now they've moved in to the 2-3yr old room and I think he is now testing out the younger kids he's been left with!x

 

[Faith1]

Yes he is really outgoing. He likes to go round hugging everyone when he gets to nursery and loves attention.

I hope this is a phase that will come to an end pretty soon!

 

[Gemsy]

I just wanted to post as my LO used to do this around this age (I've lost count of the number of incident forms I have signed!), but he just suddenly stopped, coinciding with him stopping teething - I think it was a combination of teething and frustration.
I do think its strange the nursery have called people in for advice, and also that they call you at work....what do they expect you to do?! Our nursery just told us not to worry and that it was perfectly normal. I think the nursery's reaction is possibly making you feel a lot more anxious that you need to xx

 

[northerngirl]

I'm having the same problem at the moment so I can't give any advice yet I'm sorry but will be following this thread!
My LO doesn't go to nursery, but never bites any other children at play group, it's mainly me and sometimes his dad or grandma, but at the moment I have bite marks all over my arms and legs because he's spent his every waking moment today trying to bite me.
I think it could be an attention thing as he does it more if I'm trying to talk to someone or if i sit down and use my phone or something. He is teething so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it but I just want it to stop as I spend most of my time telling him off at the moment!

 

[Faith1]

I just wanted to post as my LO used to do this around this age (I've lost count of the number of incident forms I have signed!), but he just suddenly stopped, coinciding with him stopping teething - I think it was a combination of teething and frustration.
I do think its strange the nursery have called people in for advice, and also that they call you at work....what do they expect you to do?! Our nursery just told us not to worry and that it was perfectly normal. I think the nursery's reaction is possibly making you feel a lot more anxious that you need to xx

Thank you so much for posting. After much deliberation I have decided to move my LO to a different nursery. I think the nursery are simply not equipped to deal with the situation. I'm so nervous about him moving somewhere else as I don't want him to be expelled. I am saddened that it has come to this as he has good relationships with some of the staff. I just hope I'm making the right decision.