Confused & Sad

[MaisieMoo]

i posted a few weeks back but things are no better. I'm 42 with 2 teenage daughters and pregnant by a friend, who I love but it is not reciprocated.

I am now 9 days +3 pregnant

I spoke to the dad who as not happy at all (as expected) his only interest was ensuring that I 'fixed' it as soon as possible so that nobody found out. He says that I already have children and don't need another one and that if I go ahead it will 'f@ck his life'. I said that he had the option to walk away and he said that he wouldn't be able to do that but doesn't want to be with me either.

I continued with the counselling concluding that some of my fears of going ahead with a termination were the method and what I might see - I booked for a surgical procedure next Monday 3/10 under a GA. Having made the appointment I felt OK.

But in the last few days I have begun to doubt my decision & I don't know if I can go through with it.

I don't have an issue with abortion per se and I'm ok with the concept of the surgical with GA - the issue is that I don't think I want to go ahead - even though it might be the most sensible decision. I don't trust my own decisions anymore. I don't know if I want to do this on my own - but that doesn't mean I don't want to do it if that makes sense???

How do you decide something like this?

 

[Eryinera]

Personally I wouldn't go ahead until you are sure. Once it's done you can't go back. Ignore his thoughts and what it means to him. He made his mistake it's not up to you to fix it. You owe him nothing. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you don't need anymore that's a non argument. I don't think that you want to go ahead with this just yet and so I wouldn't.

 

[MaisieMoo]

I have this romantic idea of having the baby and being a good mum to it (with my girls - we suffered domestic abuse and I was not in a good way mentally as a result - they have had a good upbringing but I feel I missed out on a lot).

But then there is the reality of being 53 with a 10 years old and how I would cope with that.

I am not doing that great on my own - albeit I think this is just because he only just left - how will I cope +1

Have no family local, my support friends are not local and my girls wil be in exams then off to uni.

 

[nikkix86]

you need to do what's right for you. there is no perfect situation to be in to have a baby and you need to decide what you want and not what he wants

 

[MaisieMoo]

I don't know what I want or what I can cope with 😔

 

[Lolie14]

I agree with above, once it's done you cannot go back and if you're having these doubts now... I'd say that's your gut instinct talking.

Regarding support, could you join any local bump groups? A nct group? This way you can build up your support before your baby is even here. Have you told your girls? Could they be a great support even if they're physically not around?

I'd totally disregard the father's opinion if he's just going to behave in the way he has. He's just trying to save his own skin!

Please don't worry about your age, there are so many 40+ mum's out there now. My town has a baby group just for 40+ mums

 

[lisey]

I think you already know deep down what you want, to keep the baby. If in any doubt then I don't think it's a good idea to go through with having it done.
Also, this thread may get closed as abortion discussion is not allowed on the forum.
Go with your heart xx

 

[BlondeP]

Sorry to butt in but I don't think here is the right place to be talking about abortion. So many ladies on this forum are desperate to be pregnant and have a child... I'm sure there are other sites that might have forums to help with your situation. X

 

[hopeful1976]

I don't mean to be harsh but it is absolutely unacceptable that you are discussing abortion on this forum. Please change the forum, this forum is full of women desperately trying to have a baby, many of them going through years of unsuccessful ttc, heart ache and soul crushing losses of pregnancies and their babies. Your thread is extremely inappropriate. If you do not feel this yourself, then please look up the rules of the forum - the subject of your thread is forbidden for discussions in here.

 

[MaisieMoo]

I'm am sorry I did not mean to offend anyone in the slightest - I am just at a comolete loss - if someone can tell me how to close the thread I will do straight away - again apologies I absolutely would never instant to upset anyone.

 

[maybe baby]

I've never had an abortion and possibly never would but I've two friends who have- one who was too young and one more recently with a guy who was a complete selfish moron who would not have made a great father.

Friend 1 is happily married with a prefect guy and a gorgeous happy little girl. The aborted baby dad has split from the mother of his 6 year old and travels the world partying/Djing.

So friend 1 was better for the decision and the dad went on many years later to prove himself as most predicted.

Friend 2 is now married to her sole mate a lovely guy who worships her and they have a 1 year old girl. The selfish moron now has 3 kids that he didn't plan with random women- he's still a moron!

The point is the girls are now happy and are bringing their children up in happy secure environments.

I also think that if you love your friend then you should think about his wishes. He'll always see you as being the one that trapped him into having a kid.

You might do this now and end up in a genuine relationship with him and make a decision to have a baby when the time is right.

Also are you involving your girls in your decision?

I've teenage nieces and I know how they'd react to baby news!

Xx

 

[Dovekie]

Hi there MaisieMoo, how are you feeling today? Just thought I'd drop in as I'm also feeling sad and uncertain about my pregnancy.

I'm glad you've had some kind and helpful responses as you must be having a tough time. It's difficult to know who to share this problem with and, consequently, it can be a very lonely place to be. Pregnancy is not always a happy place to be and deciding whether or not to have a termination is a difficult and heartbreaking decision to have to make.

I hope you're ok.

 

[BunnyN]

I had a scan a 10 weeks that confirmed the loss of my last pregnancy. I saw the picture on the screen of our perfect little baby with fingers and toes, eyes, a nose and ears but no heartbeat. It was heartbreaking. Everyone makes their own choices in life and I sympathise with circumstances that are not easy but maybe that helps some to understand why a thread like this can be quite upsetting for many ladies on here.

 

[Wobbles]

Closed as per the forum rules.

I hope you make the right decision for you