Completely torn and stressed

[Mummy to one]

Hey,

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I am practically sobbing my heart out tonight and don't really want to talk to my friends and family about it all.

To cut a long story short, I have been with my partner for just over 2 years. We were childhood sweet hearts and he was completely my first love. He was just incredible to me and I have always thought this about him. When we got back together 2 years ago I took my son and we both moved down to England for us to be a family. He is good with my son and they both love each other but i don't think he fully excepts that I have a child with another man. When we got back together I thought this was it... It was like a fairytale and I had got back the man i love more than anything on this earth. Unfortunately 6 months ago I had to make the decision to move back to Scotland as I could no longer keep up with the cost of child care. Since then all we do is argue and not talk. He wants me to move back down with my son away from my family for a second time but i rely a lot on my family for support and practically I can get another job to move down. But he won't stay with me unless I move down.

I am so torn as this is the man of my dreams, the person I see me marrying and having more children with but we're on such a state that it's probably time this ends for good. He's not the amazing man I thought he was all these years but I'm terrified to end it then discover it was a mistake.

We're getting older and I am ready for marriage and more children but he just doesn't want any of that. He still sees him self as too young and says it will happen but in time. My problem is I have already lived down there for 2 years with no sort of perminant commitment from him and I don't want to do it again and waste my time on a guy who doesn't have full intentions of every wanting to marry me.

There so much more to the story and I don't want to bore you all but I just needed to vent a bit as I'm so scared. This time a few months ago I couldn't live with out him... I feel like I could now but what if I live to regret that.

Please ladies any advise at all

 

[BUBBLES1984]

Honest opinion, it sounds like you're both in very different places. You have answered your own question. If you want marriage and children, he doesn't, it isn't currently going to work. If you feel like you could live without him, you can. Don't uproot your life and child for the off chance you might regret it. If you are t sure you want him, go with your gut xxx

 

[Flickalicious]

If he wants you as much as you want him he'll fight for you. If not, move on with your life and enjoy the time with your son If it's meant to be it'll happen, if not, know that there is someone out there worthy of your love. Don't wait though Sweet, time is precious x

 

[tinselcat]

It sounds like you already recognise that this relationship is coming to an end, and if he wants to cut you off from your family and for you to do all the running and him to "win" on all his demands (i.e. no marriage, family etc for years) then the relationship is not on an even keel as he just wants to suit himself.

You deserve someone who treats you better and there will be other people who want the same as you. Besides, who says there is just one fairytale person out there who will suit us? It could be that there are many many people in the world who could be a wonderful life partner, perhaps it is time to find one of those people, and have the dream marriage you would like

xxx

 

[Mummy to one]

Thank you so much ladies. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. My partner and I pretty much finished things a few days ago which resulted in me not texting back as i can barely talk about it and we now haven't spoken since.

I'm not going to lie but there is another guy in the picture, he's a bit older than me and would do anything for me and has wanted me to give him a chance for a long time.

I went out for dinner with him yesterday and despite have an amazing time and that i do really fancy him all I can think about is my ex. Am desperate to text him and say we're making a mistake were in love with each other but I don't know if it's the wrong thing to do I don't want to lose my ex totally, I'm so scared of doing that.

What do you all think

Xx

 

[tinselcat]

It sounds like you're maybe not ready to embark on another relationship yet?

What is it about your partner that you are afraid of losing?

Personally I would advise not texting your partner any such thing, and letting the new guy know that you really enjoyed the date but realised you are not ready to date yet, which will buy you some more time to get your head around things - life is complicated. xx

 

[sammielou]

I can't relate to all of your situation but I can to one part of it.

I'd been in a relationship with a guy for a year. Before that I'd spent 4 years in love with him as his friend. When word spread at work that I was single, a colleague asked me out. I needed friends, most of mine were actually my ex's friends. So I accepted. Naturally all I could talk about was my ex. New guy was really sweet and attentive and I knew there might be something there. We went out on a lot of dates after that, but I made it very clear there would be no commitment and nothing physical for a while, I needed time. He was a gentleman and I stuck to that agreement too. Best thing I ever did. By the time it got serious I knew I wasn't just on the rebound, it was real.

'New guy' is now my husband of 7 years, and the father of the tiny bump I'm sporting.

It can be hard to let go of someone you love. But sometimes you are in love with someone who doesn't actually exist. If my ex hadn't left me when he did, I might have had many more unfulfilling years with him before I realised I was in love with who he was when we first met, not who he had become. Be careful you don't make that mistake.

 

[Eryinera]

It's definitely not worth texting your ex I don't get why he couldn't move with you or help out. I think you need to take it slow with this new guy as sammie said. You don't want this guy to be the rebound. To be honest sounds like you deserve way better than him and instead of you trying to uproot to get back with him maybe he should try to win you back if the relationship is worth it. It seems you have run to him once before a relationship should be equal and of he isn't prepared to fight for you or win you back maybe in time you should take a chance on this new guy who seems crazy about you has been patient and who you seem to find attractive and enjoy your time with as well. Sometimes our memories of a childhood love just aren't reality. (In hindsight I'm fairly sure one of my ex''s was probably grooming me for a lifestyle I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with but at the time I really liked him now I realise I had a lucky escape!)