Clingy baby - opinions

[nicejuicypear]

We're going through a bit of a fractious stage with my 4 month old, she's very needy. She has a cold, is teething and has some problems with her feet (she's wearing orthopaedic boots and a bar joining them for talipes and she has an infected blister on one foot).

She is constantly whingy, and was never like this previously. She's only happy when being held. In good moments I can get away with sitting next to her, but if I walk out of the room she screams again. It's not me personally, if her sister or my partner holds her she's okay too.

I don't want her to rely on being held all the time, I want to be able to put her in a chair or on a playmat and for her to be able to amuse herself (safely supervised obviously) for short periods of time. At the minute, I can't get anything done! But part of me is tempted to just get a sling and wear her all day. I never believed in this, always thought it encourages more clingyness but I'm starting to consider it just so I can go hands free for a bit!

I was just wondering what opinions people have on how to deal with a clingy baby. Hold them more? Leave to cry? Will holding her make her worse?

 

[littlemonkey]

I'm Somewhere in the middle on this. At that age I would say there's nothing wrong with holding them a lot. Especially when you describe what's going on with your LO. It sounds like she's in pain and discomfort and just wants to be comforted. My son was bad with silent reflux when he was really young and I had to hold him a lot, especially for daytime naps. If anything I would say giving him that comfort and reassurance when so young has encouraged him to grow up into a very confident young boy. He's not clingy in the slightest now at two.

In terms of getting stuff done, it's about finding a balance. Important stuff you will just have to put them down for a little while and let them cry. I'm talking about like getting a quick shower, going to the toilet, getting something to eat, if you need to be somewhere by a certain time etc. But as long as you're in their sights you can still talk to them and comfort them that way. Initially I was terrified of ever putting him down for any reason in case he cried. With my son I did also begin to question what I thought was important and became more relaxed with house work etc. The world didn't end because I hoovered every couple of days instead of every day etc. It's not like this forever. But investing this time with your LO now will make them feel secure for a long time to come.

 

[mellie_88]

Jake's clingy too at the moment. I believe it is due to a massive developmental leap. At least that's what I keep telling myself in the hope that it'll stop soon!

At home I have to be holding him near enough contantly. If I can put him down then I still have to be talking and interacting with him. If we're out and he's in his pushchair I have to be talking to him near constantly too.

My mom said most babies go through this phase so I'm hoping it stops soon.

 

[Sprout]

I would say get a sling and hold her as much as possible. Research has shown that babies which are held more become more independent as toddlers. If she's not being held as much as she wants, she's going to just keep wanting to be held...whereas if she's held a lot, she's going to start craving freedom when she's feeling better

 

[nicejuicypear]

Haha little monkey I've never hoovered that much! I don't get any housework done at the minute. It's a tip and I don't like my wife doing it when she's working full time plus overtime and her job is busy & stressful. I only aim to do one chore a day to maintain a very basic level of cleanliness but it doesn't seem to happen.

Mellie, I hope your mum is right! Part of me is loving the extra cuddles but I want to be able to make a cup of tea and drink it warm!

She used to be great at being put down and left, I could put her on her mat and cook dinner but that is problematic now. I'd rely on easy meals but that becomes expensive for five of us.

Sprout, I had read that theory somewhere but didn't know it was backed up by research, that's good to know.

I think I feel held back by my wife's opinion too, she had 3 kids and says things about the baby being spoilt when I pick her up a lot. And I used to agree with her so now I feel like a hypocrite.

Think I'll rent a sling and see how I get on.

 

[LaceyKeo]

I had DS in a sling everywhere as a baby.

He is very independent now (just over two). If I have to leave the room for something and he can't follow me, he'll shout, and I say to him to go play with his cars and off he toddles all sunshine and rainbows. He plays well with a group of kids, one-on-one, and on his own.

Given what's going on, I'd say you're more than justified in going "OTT" on comfort levels for your LO right now.

It gets easier.
Xx

 

[nicejuicypear]

Thanks Lacey, good to hear your little boy is independent!

I hired a carrier, wife was a bit bemused but didn't say much. Will see how it goes!