Cant believe my world has just fallen apart

[reallyoldmum]

I'm sorry if this wont make any sense but I am so sad I need to tell someone.....

I have only been married since christmas eve - we had been together for 8 years then split up for 18 months - got back together and my husband was the one that wanted to get married.

I already have 2 children from my first husband - a daughter of 20 and a son of 17 - we have been having some problems with my son - nothing serious just the normal teenage boy stuff - treating the house like a hotel etc but I thought all was good between me and my husband.

Last night I logged onto his computer to check for an email from my daughter and went to the hotmail page where a email address was saved with the password - I couldnt help myself I clicked on it and up came a whole load of messages from dating sites.

It appears he has registered with 3 sites since April - he says we were going through a bad patch - only problem is I didnt know it!! He hasnt paid so cant reply to any messages but has used the searh function and all the searches he has done have been for woman younger than me and wanting children.

I just feel so sick - I feel like my world has fallen in. I cant talk to anyone about it and he is just blaming me - saying he had no intention of contacting anyone. but I feel so betrayed I just dont think I can forgive him......

God I feel so stupid - married less than 4 months and he was out looking for someone else....... He's away tonight with work and Im just sitting here feeling so so sick - my son is going away tomorrow to Glastonbury and I have had to drag myself around the supermarket to get his stuff - luckily he is out tonight at a concert so he doesnt know what is going on and cant see me crying - half his problems are based on us splitting up 3 years ago and then getting back together - What a bloody mess - just wish I knew what to do - feel as if my heart is breaking.

sorry for the long post but I thought it might help if I put it all down in words

 

[jayla's mummy]

hun i dont really know what to say. i think you should talk to him when he gets back dont go beating youself up about it. some men just aint worth the tears that we cry for them.
keep posted
sorry if no help

xnatx

 

[Dee1985]

i am so so sorry


call him to get his arse home see what he has to say for himself

might just be a stupid bloke after a bit of attention?


we are all here for you

 

[Snuggle]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad

Think you and hubby need to sit down and discuss everything properly

 

[reallyoldmum]

Oh he knows I have found out - he says he feels sick and it doesnt mean anything but it does - I'm not stupid I know we all look around us and think they are nice but actually searching on a site for people who match his ideal criteria just makes me sick......

There are no quarentees I can even have a baby and it obviously means more to him than he let on - but I have bought up two beautiful children on my own already - I would only have a child with him if I thought he would be there all the way along - I dont think I can risk it now - god this hurts so much

 

[Robyn_]

well sitting here, trying to think what i could possibly say to make you feel better, tbh there isnt much i can say to you, cos i know i would feel the same as you,
betrayed and sick, you need to let him know that its not exceptable get him to put himself in your shoes for a start,
personally i dont think i could forgive him, but then love is a strange thing,
i couldnt let this blow over, i know that i would be thinking of this all the time, like you said looking is alright like in the street but doing that.. nah.. not on
maybe hes just going through and tough time, eurgh i dunno, i just hope that you are ok and everything goes ok let us know what happens and keep in touch hunni
all my love

 

[lisa&alex]

although this news is bad. i cant say that i am sorry you have found out..

and as far as we are concerned even thinking of cheating is cheating.. he has pourpously set up a profile for himself, looking for women.. so in my eyes even if he hasnt actually had sex with anyone he has cheated.. he has betrayed his wife.. and i wouldnt let him talk himsefl out of it..bas*ard!

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Omg what a shit thing to find out, the bstard dont deserve you! How could he do that too you after only 4 months of marriage, he needs labelling a cheating twat as he has purposely gone looking for a younger woman who wants kids - why do blokes think the grass is greener the other side.
Dont trust him - he will say anything to get out of this!

 

[libs]

I'm with Dionne on this - it may just be him after attention or playing the what if game. I know it's horrible, but he didn't pay or reply to any of the messages, so it may not be the end of the world. If you've got a few problems at home and the stress of TTC then it may just have been a little fantasy game - which he shouldn't have done and should have found a better way of dealing with, but its one of those things that can happen in a marriage but may not be worth throwing a marriage away for.

Once you've talked to him, it may feel easier and although he'll have to work hard, I would think about if your marriage in the good times is worth throwing away over this?

 

[Sabrina]

I'm really sorry your OH has been looking at dating sites without you knowing. The internet is a wonderful place sometimes but other times it's just too much temptation... especially it seems for some men. What you have to find out is whether this IS just an ego boosting thing for him - and he has no intention of following through OR if he's serious about looking for someone else and will eventually leave you. If you have any doubt it's the second then don't even consider trying for a baby with him. He sounds like he needs to grow up a bit and start living in the real world.

Sorry if that's a bit harsh. I do believe you should give the benefit of the doubt to him just once... but look out for yourself - and your other children - as you are worth more than this type of treatment.

 

[Babylicious]

If he has an excuse it better be a good one! I couldn't forgive after that, the trust is shattered

 

[reallyoldmum]

Well he should be home in an hour - I have spent all day swinging between believing its my fault and hating him for putting me in this situation. He says he just wishes I hadnt found out - I say I just wish he hadnt done it!

Sadest thing is I never doubted him now I doubt myself!!! I do actually believe if anyone had approached him he would have run a mile but it doesnt really help - I've lost my trust totally. Dont know how he can rebuild that and if he has to work at it then he wont be the person I loved.

On a brighter note my son got off to Glastonbury without realising anything has been going on so I have 5 days to sort it out......

What a sorry mess - why oh why are men so bloody stupid!

 

[Tasha20]

why oh why are men so bloody stupid!

We wil never know hun

I hope this gets sorted, I would feel very hurt too

 

[Babylicious]

for whatever you decide

 

[frangelle]

although this news is bad. i cant say that i am sorry you have found out..

and as far as we are concerned even thinking of cheating is cheating.. he has pourpously set up a profile for himself, looking for women.. so in my eyes even if he hasnt actually had sex with anyone he has cheated.. he has betrayed his wife.. and i wouldnt let him talk himsefl out of it..bas*ard!

I agree it is still a betrayal. Has he said WHY he got them? Especially if he hadn't paid up any money and so couldn't contact them?

Hope you feel better soon, its such soul destroying to find out stuff like this

 

[trixipaws]

my boyf does the same- he's joined several dating sites but doesnt pay- he pretends to be single on them but its just a bit of fun and it doesnt bother me. but he doesnt hide it from me, if he hid anything from me i'd be suspicious...
hopefully by now youve had a chat with him about it? hope it went well

 

[reallyoldmum]

Yes we have talked - he does know that he has hurt me to the core - I know he didnt join and it was just idle curiosity and time when I was not around at home......

Spent most of the day with a friend who picked up her other halfs phone this morning to find he had been texting whilst he was out last night to a woman they had broken up over last year. He had promised then never to see her or speak to her again!! She was beside herself - he came back and stood there telling her it wasnt him it was this woman! he had replied more than once last night and hadnt got back until after 3.00 am! I found myself thinking about what Dave had done and to be honest if a woman spoke to him in the street he would run a mile - I know he loves me and i do believe he genuinely regrets what he has done!

I havent let him off the hook and to be honest he does need to work bloody hard at rebuilding my trust - but I do love him and we will take everyday as it comes.

Thanks everyone for listening to me! think I would have gone mad without this site

(PS I made him read your replies - he felt sick - it really helped as you lot dont know him or me from adam so it was a real reaction from real people - thanks x x x )

 

[HappyAlice]

I'm sure you can move on from this, it's just one of those glitches. It'll probably be all forgotten soon and at least he knows now that he can't push it.

 

[budge]

you should tell your hubby a marriage is for life not just for christmas!

 

[kazlin]

Silly man! I hope that he now makes it up to you big time! Glad you are sorting things out. You have to do what you feel is best for you hun.