Can I have some advice please ladies?

[BabyBrain]

My friend found out today her baby has not developed. She is going for yet another scan next week and if still no joy she will have an erpc. She would be about 9 weeks.

I've never had any friends or family mc before so I would like some advice on how I can be there for her. I've offered babysitting services for her daughter or just to ring me and scream at me. Don't know what else I can do. Its hard cos I don't want her to think I don't care but then I don't want to be in her face either. Any advice would be appreciated xxxxxx

 

[timtam78]

Hey hun, I think that's all you can do really. It's nice that you're thinking of her like this. I know that from my experience in that first 2 weeks I didn't want to talk to anyone verbally about it as it just hurt so much, but i didn't mind emailing/messaging people and during that time i found out about friends who'd gone through the same and it was good to chat to them.

So just offer her your ear if she needs it, but it may be that she just doesn't want to talk about it at first. But everyone is different so she might want to get stuff off her chest and have a good old cuddle. I know I found comfort in knowing people were thinking about me. x

 

[jojo3972]

Just tobe there for her is all u can offer and as long as she knows this then u have done what u can and she will need to talk to someone and it may well be you just listen and hug her and tell her it will be ok xxx

 

[Sue Clare]

Just offer to be there for her, explain that you
appreciate she will need time to grieve so you won't get in the way of that,
but that you are always there if she needs someone to talk to.xx

 

[Vickimo]

I agree with the comments above. I found that I couldn't talk to some people because I physically couldn't say anything without crying so it was pointless. One of my closest friends came to see me a couple of days after my D&C and as I'm comfortable being emotional in front of her I was able to get the tears out the way then talk about how I felt.

I found it nice when people text to let me know they were there and then just checked in every couple of days to see how I was. Maybe you could offer to visit her along with being there over the phone etc and then if she wants to take you up on the offer of a visit then you'll know she wants to talk.

xx

 

[LYLLJellyTots]

In all honesty I found that talking helps but everyone works differently Hun, as long as you have let her know that you are there and offered to help in any way you can then I think that's all you can do hun xx

Hugs x

 

[BabyBrain]

Thanks ladies. I've left it that all she has to do is text me and I'll go over there. She only really has her OH cos her mum is an alcoholic manic depressive so she's not much help to her tbh. It's not easy being someone who has to sit and watch someone go through it but I know it's a million times harder for her xxxxxxxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

One of my friends brought me and OH a tray of dinner over. (It was pretty simple- a big bowl of bolognaise, a packet if spaghetti, a garlic bread and a desert, plus a much needed bottle Of wine!

She rang my doorbell- said not to worry, she didn't want to come in, but wanted to hand me that!

I cried instantly on the spot! She gave me a hug. We didn't need anything else to be said at that moment!

Is that something you could do o just show support!

 

[Fluffy]

I agree with the others - as long as she knows you're there for her and check in with her regularly to let her know you're thinking of her - that really comforted me when I was going through it. Like timtam and vickimo I couldn't talk about it without crying but there were plenty of texts and emails. I live away from home so don't have anyone close round about me anyway. So_hopeful, that totally made me cry, what a lovely sweet thing your friend done!

 

[BabyBrain]

One of my friends brought me and OH a tray of dinner over. (It was pretty simple- a big bowl of bolognaise, a packet if spaghetti, a garlic bread and a desert, plus a much needed bottle Of wine!

She rang my doorbell- said not to worry, she didn't want to come in, but wanted to hand me that!

I cried instantly on the spot! She gave me a hug. We didn't need anything else to be said at that moment!

Is that something you could do o just show support!

Aaawww that's a lovely thing to do! Although tbh I can't cook but I'll think of something along those lines. Maybe a pampering pack and babysitting whilst she has a long hot bath or something xxxxxxxx

 

[So_hopeful81]

Ahhh that sounds good!!!!
Xxxxxx