Boyfriend left me 19wks pregnant

[FUNMUM]

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend just broke up with me. I have 3 boys from a previous relationship and he has taken them on like his own. I only agreed to have the baby because he said he would support me through everything, he said we had my 3 already so it would just make things even better. We were very, very much in love and I am in total shock. Hes been going out with his mates more and playing computer games with them loads. Is he just freaking out or does he really want to leave me? Please help I dont know what to do to put it right. He has been amazing to me up until about 6 weeks ago, reallyy excited about the baby saying it was the greatest gift anyone could ever give him and he was so happy it was with me. Gosh I'm so confused

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

sounds like he needs some time to get his head together honey. men find it really difficult to deal with their emotions and hormones.

Give him some space and have a think yourself about wether this is a once off thing or an ongoing thing. Last thing you want is to make rash judgments based upon him being a plonker once, if the relationship has previously been fantastic. Give him a week and see if he comes round. Have a chat with him after that if he hasnt and just be really frank with him, ask him if hes really thinking things through, he has an opportunity to live with, help raise and love his own child. A lot of men would give their right arm for that opportunity x

 

[BabyBrain]

Dragon's right, give him a bit of space....a bit like a holiday lol. Pregnancy seems to bring out the wimp in some men, even though they are happy to take on older children babies just freak them out a bit.
When he comes to his senses though, make it clear that you are not going to put yourself or your kids through having a man on a bunjee strap coming and going as he pleases. You sound very strong and seeing you getting on with things might make him wake up a bit and realise exactly what he's missing.
Feel free to explode on here hunny, that's what this place is for. Good luck xxxxxxxxxx

 

[ForestLas80]

I really hope he settles down and has a good think about things. Try not to stress out too much as I think the girls are right, he probably needs some space and thinking time. U take it easy and don't let your thoughts or worries run away with you xxx

 

[FUNMUM]

Aw thank you everyone, didnt sleep a wink last night. My mum and sis drove over 500 miles to get to me yesterday ( i live in the scottish highlands lol). Theyre gona take me back with them and help me get through it all. I'll keep you all posted on any progress, I really hope he just needs a 'holiday' because we're soul mate and best friends...Ive never had anything so special before and I was previously married for 9 years!! I cant even be mad at him cos hes really done so much for me xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Get some rest and get pampered. He'll come to his senses in his own time hunny xxxxxxxxx

 

[Bee7]

The best thing you can do is go back with your mum and sis and let them look after you. In the meantime you're giving him space and i'm sure he'll soon realise what a plonker he's being. If he's taken on 3 kids that aren't his own, i can't see him turning his back on his own child. He's maybe just a little freaked out by everything, men get like that.

Agree with babybrain though. If/when he comes grovelling you need to make it clear that this can't be a regular occurrence because it will confuse your kids and give you stress and upset that you don't need. Hope everything works out for you and you get some TLC and rest at your mums. Good luck xxxx

 

[FUNMUM]

Thank you, I'm back at my mums now and slept so well last night and started eating little bits today. His family have been in contact to say that they will help however they can and that they're there for me too. I'm not going to make any contact with him like you all say to really give him his space .It really has been an intenese 3 week. He has already contacted me to check I'm ok..but said he is only asking cos he 'cares' xxxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Glad you're feeling better hun. It's lovely that his family are supporting you and chances are his mum is gonna beat his sorry arse into reality, leave her to it, just ask for pics xxxxxxxxxx

 

[1986princess]

hope this situation improves hun, must be awful especially having to put a brave face on for ur boys. hopefully this space will make him realise how stupid he has been and in the meantime uv got the best support ever from ur mum and sister xxx

 

[KellyHook]

this happened to me a 16 wks pregnant hun... think he just needed some space and then he came back and we are 10x happier now.. its bloody hard time hun, big hug x

 

[FUNMUM]

this happened to me a 16 wks pregnant hun... think he just needed some space and then he came back and we are 10x happier now.. its bloody hard time hun, big hug x

Thank you everyone, yeh I'm really hoping that's what it is. He is a really calm and reserved man and think my crazyness over the past few weeks has really freaked him out and made him question if this is what he wants. It hurts so much because we are soul mates, but this time apart has given me space too...so if we can be happy together in the future it's all worth it. Im really trying to give him his space but it's really hard to stay strong because I miss laughing with him and us telling each other silly things that you don't tell anyone else lol! With any luck he is missing it just as much as me xxx

 

[meggymum]

im sure he is hun, and it gives you a chance to relax and have some 'me' time. men are all plonkers!

 

[misscrazycooki]

I know I seem blunt but like my mum said to me after I had my first the novelty wears off and they perfer you to do everything for the LO and want their old life back. I'm having same problems with my OH half the time. He only seems interested in my son for short doses.

 

[stacey_lea86]

Just wanted to send you a ((big hug)) and I hope things work out the way you want xxx

 

[jojo_2012]

My OH storms off every other week. I think when reality hits it's quite hard to deal with, especially as it's their first but not ours, we're so calm and they're freaking out on the inside.

 

[star fish]

Wow, you are all very forgiving! i would be livid! Especially as it sounds like it was his idea and now its real he's done a bunk! I would refuse to take his calls, stay well away and wait for him to come back on his hands and knees! I would want some serious flowers and chocolates before I'd let him through the door. If you arent hard on him then he knows he can get away with it and will do it to you again. Show him its absolutely NOT ok!

I have no doubt at all he will come crawling back, you are right and he is just having a freak out, but he cant do that to you! It's NOT ON! Pregnant women need huge amounts of love and support and its totally unacceptable to push off at this time and then expect to be welcomed back.

Get out the whipping bench! (metaphorically) don't get sad, get mad!

 

[FUNMUM]

Hi, just a quick update to let you all know that he has left me for someone else and has been planning it for a few weeks. I think he's gone mad! I'm so angry because the baby was his idea and he told me he would take care of us and my boys. I'm faced with the task of packing my whole house and kids life up this week and moving 500 miles away to be with my family life can be so unfair sometimes. Thank you guys for all you support...I'm sue I'll be back on here ranting again soon hehe xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Sounds to me like you are best off without him then. And if he thinks for one minute they will ever be truly happy he is wrong. All relationships I have seen where there has been other partners are filled with mistrust and accusations. A guilty conscience breeds a suspicious mind.

You go girl , concentrate on your boys and baby and have a wonderful life without him xxxxxxx

 

[BabyBrain]

TOSSER!!!!! there i said it....feel better now xxxxxxxxx