birth with ex?

[xnicolaxcx]

is it cruel of me to not want my ex in the room with me when i have my baby? i want my mum to be there as i know she loves me and will help me. but my ex makes me feel like he will shout at me. he tells me im nasty and a bitch for not wanting him there. plus i know he would only be there for the baby and i want someone there for me aswell.

iv told him i dont mind him waiting outside the room and he can come in when iv had him and he can still be second to hold the baby. not the last. but hes just making me feel bad now.

i dont want to purpously make him miss out and i feel nasty for saying i dont want him there as its his baby too. but im terrified and want someone there who will help me not make me worse.
will this make him reject the baby after he is born?

did anyone else have there ex at the birth when they dont get on? if so did they help you through it?

 

[Sammystar]

you need to have somebody there who you love, trust and can rely on.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable then he's the last person you need by your side.

This is the biggest event of your life, and you need all the support you can get, not nasty, hurtful comments.

Tell him to sod off and have your mum with you!

 

[nicola0531]

Defo do what you feel is better for you I have 2 kids with my ex and he was not at the birth just because I knew the way he would make me feel however on the other hand he does not seem to bother with my boys now, met someone else and everything seemed great he was good with my boys only for one night for him to show his real side and be violent towards me, since then I would never let him near me and I am 17 weeks pregnant with his child and he will defo not be with me at the birth.

 

[nicola0531]

My mum is coming in with me for my c section

 

[Louise1973]

Hi There,

My ex really wants to be as involved as possible with the birth - and because we can still get on amicably (most of the time) I personally don't have a problem with him being in the room.

NOTE # You can generally have more than 1 person in the room with you!

What we are arguing about at the moment is the fact that I want a "Doula" with me (i.e someone who's given birth so knows the ropes, but also a close friend or relo to offer me support).

He wants to be there to mop my brow, hold my hand and give support & see's this as "His Role". I however - know I won't feel comfortable with this, which is why I'll be having either my best friend or my mum with me too.

Basically - I'd say. You're gonna be the one in huge amounts of pain for a prolonged period (EEK) and it's important that you feel as comfortable as possible. So definitely have someone who you can rely on for support with you.

BUT - at the same time, it is the fathers big day too - and if it's possible to put differences aside so he can share some of the joy of the birth of his child, then I'd try and make it work.... I know it's easy for me to say - as my situ sounds a bit better than yours, but if the ex is gonna have access after the baby is born and for the years to come, it'd be worth the effort of at least being able to be civil to each other.

Take care & hope the birth goes well for you and is as stress free as possible.

 

[Squiglet]

To tell you the truth, men are pretty useless during birth. They have no idea whats going on or what to do... Also MW arn't always happy about the man being there, mearly because often the women won't pay attention to them but to their male partner.... ex or otherwise. My ex came was supposed to be there for the birth of our child, but he got bored and went off with his friends half way through. Because he hated my mother so much it was only him there, so when he went, I was all alone and that was really horrible, especially when my daughter went into distress.

At the end of the day, the birth is about you... You need help and support to get through it...and you don't need someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, because you might have complications because you are not fully concentrating on the birth.

Your mum has been through labour, she will be able to give you better support than a your ex.

You could let your ex in... maybe then he would have a little more respect for you when he sees all the pain you go through, because of what he did to you. But if you don't want him there, its not up to him... Its your choice.

 

[Babylicious]

I think as he is your ex he has no right to be there (unless you were on very good terms) + i think you are being more than fair to him

 

[Robyn_]

i had this same problem,
when me and my ex split up i was happy with him being at the babys birth and everything, and i didnt mind, as time has gone on i dont want him there,
things have gone bad between us though and he isnt even going to be informed when i go into labour becasue he keeps on insisting (even though i told him hes not)
that hes going to be there, mymidwife told me to do whats best for me. and the baby, theres no point in even having him outside the room because i will be stressed knowing he is there and thats not good for either of us.

if you are on very good terms then i spose you might want him there, but you need the support of your mum who loves you.


i just say think about it before you make a decsion,
i had to sit for ages and think about it.

 

[mrs_tommo22]

you need to have somebody there who you love, trust and can rely on.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable then he's the last person you need by your side.

This is the biggest event of your life, and you need all the support you can get, not nasty, hurtful comments.

Tell him to sod off and have your mum with you!

I completely agree, plus your no longer together, its not what he wants anymore. This is abourt you nd your baby.