Bad Midwife/Medical Experiences

[vic30]

How was your appointment at the doctors Dolores? Hope you've got your scan booked in.

I don't need my anti D until 28 weeks...same with my daughter 3 years ago. X

 

[MissKW]

Are you able to switch to a different hospital?
I agree that a lot of women's health care units are very unorganised and actually uneducated as well as uncaring, having had a rather bad experience with mine a couple of years ago.
I carefully looked at reviews online before choosing which practise I wanted to go to, and eventually decided on the most local. Gp was fine, booking appointment was fine (though I didn't see my midwife) but it quickly went downhill when I went to a private scan at 10w 5d and found out the pregnancy was anembryonic (blighted ovum). The lady who did the scan for me was lovely and told me that I needed to phone my midwife first thing the next morning, tell them what has happened and arrange an emergency scan and take it from there. I was never told who my midwife actually was but was told that i could ring any of them, so i phoned one and explained everything to her, she said she couldn't help me and to call the head midwife, so i did and she also didn't help but did give me the name and number of who my midwife was supposed to be. I then phoned her and she had no idea what an anembryonic pregnancy was, had never heard of it or had any experience with it and insisted that i just come to my 12week scan appointment. They were all useless, nobody would help me and i wasn't given any options, so i was forced to go through the miscarriage naturally on my own when it finally happened at exactly 12 weeks with no pain relief (my booked appointment was a few days or so afterwards). I was soooo grateful for the internet at the time, i read up on what to expect and what was/ was not normal. I found the miscarriage very difficult, my OH was worried sick and didn't now what to do to help me through it and my mum had to come over to help him keep an eye on me. Luckily everything passed and i had no complications.
When my appointment finally came my OH explained to the lady at reception what had happened and she still sat us in the room full of heavily pregnant women with lovely huge bumps and beaming smiles. My OH was furious as it was and eventually he got somebody to find us a quiet room on our own to sit in. When we went in to see the sonographer i had to explain to her that she wouldn't see anything as i had already, very recently had a miscarriage. She was horrified that the midwives had left me on my own over xmas/new year and that i had not had any help whatsoever, so was sympathetic towards us and just checked on how the miscarriage was going. She let me know everything looked fine and sent us upstairs to see a consultant. The consultant wasn't the most understanding of people and spoke to us as though we were a bit nuts and lying about everything, as though there wasn't a pregnancy to start with. Thankfully we took the ultrasound report with us and eventually they rang the lady at the place we had our private scan to confirm everything.
After that my OH was adamant that we would be going private next time, but due to this pregnancy being unexpected and us getting married in 2 weeks (woohoo!) we just don't have the money to go private at the moment.
This time i will be far more vigilant and demanding, we will NOT be going through that again!!

Anyway, my point is, if they are already being useless and not helping you maybe try to find somewhere else if you can. I haven't decided if i will be using our local unit again or one further away, but to me they already sound like a place to avoid if possible. Its such a shame people are so unhelpful and don't really care the way we hope they would, surely they should be putting us first, no excuses? Their job is not something to be taking lightly and we are relying on them, so try to find somewhere you can trust and feel confident with. Make sure you are demanding, and that they help you when you need them to, otherwise you will be the one who ends up suffering. I have completely lost my confidence in midwives, especially as my mum had problems with them in the past also and lost a baby because of it. Don't let them walk over you like i did.
I do hope everything is sorted and you have a lovely pregnancy x x

 

[Dolores]

In the UK: If you are Rh-Neg, you don't get an Anti-D injection until 28 weeks unless you have any bleeding prior to this.

Having said that, depending on your trust, they may have moved over to a new process like what we do which is:

1. confirm your blood group as part of your booking bloods.
2. We take another blood sample that detects if your baby is Rh Pos or Neg and if that test says Rh Pos - you have anti-D at 28/40. If it says baby is Rh Neg, you won't have anti-D at 28/40.
3. After baby is born, we take cord blood samples and blood samples from mum - for all Rh neg women regardless of what the test said earlier in pregnancy. This then confirms for sure baby's blood type.
4. Results from point three: if Rh Neg - no anti-D given , if Rh pos - Anti-D is given.

In terms of referral to midwives, you can self-refer to the hospital of your choosing and most hospital websites have a maternity section with self-referral instructions.

Thank you Sydney great advice!

No unfortunately we are not that advanced yet but I have been reassured by yourself, others on here and now the midwife that I won't need my injection till mid way! Phew!

I am a worrier

X

 

[Dolores]

How was your appointment at the doctors Dolores? Hope you've got your scan booked in.

I don't need my anti D until 28 weeks...same with my daughter 3 years ago. X

Hi Vic,

Thanks for the reassurance!

Scan went great (eventually!!!) The midwife I finally saw wasn't even the one allocated to me, and she rolled her eyes and couldn't apologise more. She said I could switch to her which I have done, also switched medical practices as my local one seems to have a bad reputation all round!

Bean was 12 weeks exactly in this scan, good strong heart beat, moved and kicked loads and measured 5.4cm!

X

 

[Dolores]

Are you able to switch to a different hospital?
I agree that a lot of women's health care units are very unorganised and actually uneducated as well as uncaring, having had a rather bad experience with mine a couple of years ago.
I carefully looked at reviews online before choosing which practise I wanted to go to, and eventually decided on the most local. Gp was fine, booking appointment was fine (though I didn't see my midwife) but it quickly went downhill when I went to a private scan at 10w 5d and found out the pregnancy was anembryonic (blighted ovum). The lady who did the scan for me was lovely and told me that I needed to phone my midwife first thing the next morning, tell them what has happened and arrange an emergency scan and take it from there. I was never told who my midwife actually was but was told that i could ring any of them, so i phoned one and explained everything to her, she said she couldn't help me and to call the head midwife, so i did and she also didn't help but did give me the name and number of who my midwife was supposed to be. I then phoned her and she had no idea what an anembryonic pregnancy was, had never heard of it or had any experience with it and insisted that i just come to my 12week scan appointment. They were all useless, nobody would help me and i wasn't given any options, so i was forced to go through the miscarriage naturally on my own when it finally happened at exactly 12 weeks with no pain relief (my booked appointment was a few days or so afterwards). I was soooo grateful for the internet at the time, i read up on what to expect and what was/ was not normal. I found the miscarriage very difficult, my OH was worried sick and didn't now what to do to help me through it and my mum had to come over to help him keep an eye on me. Luckily everything passed and i had no complications.
When my appointment finally came my OH explained to the lady at reception what had happened and she still sat us in the room full of heavily pregnant women with lovely huge bumps and beaming smiles. My OH was furious as it was and eventually he got somebody to find us a quiet room on our own to sit in. When we went in to see the sonographer i had to explain to her that she wouldn't see anything as i had already, very recently had a miscarriage. She was horrified that the midwives had left me on my own over xmas/new year and that i had not had any help whatsoever, so was sympathetic towards us and just checked on how the miscarriage was going. She let me know everything looked fine and sent us upstairs to see a consultant. The consultant wasn't the most understanding of people and spoke to us as though we were a bit nuts and lying about everything, as though there wasn't a pregnancy to start with. Thankfully we took the ultrasound report with us and eventually they rang the lady at the place we had our private scan to confirm everything.
After that my OH was adamant that we would be going private next time, but due to this pregnancy being unexpected and us getting married in 2 weeks (woohoo!) we just don't have the money to go private at the moment.
This time i will be far more vigilant and demanding, we will NOT be going through that again!!

Anyway, my point is, if they are already being useless and not helping you maybe try to find somewhere else if you can. I haven't decided if i will be using our local unit again or one further away, but to me they already sound like a place to avoid if possible. Its such a shame people are so unhelpful and don't really care the way we hope they would, surely they should be putting us first, no excuses? Their job is not something to be taking lightly and we are relying on them, so try to find somewhere you can trust and feel confident with. Make sure you are demanding, and that they help you when you need them to, otherwise you will be the one who ends up suffering. I have completely lost my confidence in midwives, especially as my mum had problems with them in the past also and lost a baby because of it. Don't let them walk over you like i did.
I do hope everything is sorted and you have a lovely pregnancy x x

MissKW,

Thank you so much for sharing what must be a very painful and frustrating story - oh my God, I am speechless, angry on your behalf but horribly not surprised it could happen.

I must offer my condolences - you and your OH did everything right and they did everything wrong. I honestly don't get what is so difficult, it all seems to be no communication (which is what the midwife I eventually saw said was the main problem), a lack of urgency, professionalism and general medical knowledge!

Words fail.

I think when you have a grievance with the service you were given people can sometimes take that as an ungrateful mess for the free health service, but just because it is free should we accept terrible service, and in your case down right horrendous treatment? I think not.

You are SO right with being demanding.

I know I don't come across like it, but I am so polite, timid and mild in real life I hardly say boo to a goose. The latest run in is after I had my first scan we get given another appointment the next day to see the head midwife. This is because my husband has fistic fibrosis on his side of the family. I'm not sure if you're aware but plainly speaking, both of you have to be carriers in order to have a fistic child. The general rate for the popular is 1 in 23 people are carriers.

I know friends who have died/are dying/waiting on lung transplants because of this disease and my husband had had people in his family die young of it.

Anyway, fast forward, they argue they won't give us the test because it's expensive and they class me as the patient and I have no history of it. But my husband has created this baby with his genetics in it and he has a history, and if we did have a fistic child unfortunately we would not go through with the pregnancy.

We only got the test because my husband argued with the head midwife for about an hour, and she only agreed to test me. We had a letter from the geneticist a week later saying I was all clear but that they would strongly recommend my husband be tested. The NHS website also says anyone with a history of this in their family is eligible for a test.

Makes you wonder what they do and do not know.

Still highly sceptical about the medical side of this baby journey MissKW but I have to go back each time with an open heart and mind!

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS on your babba AND you marriage!

Keep us posted!!!

Thanks for your advice it's so true x

 

[MissKW]

Are you able to switch to a different hospital?
I agree that a lot of women's health care units are very unorganised and actually uneducated as well as uncaring, having had a rather bad experience with mine a couple of years ago.
I carefully looked at reviews online before choosing which practise I wanted to go to, and eventually decided on the most local. Gp was fine, booking appointment was fine (though I didn't see my midwife) but it quickly went downhill when I went to a private scan at 10w 5d and found out the pregnancy was anembryonic (blighted ovum). The lady who did the scan for me was lovely and told me that I needed to phone my midwife first thing the next morning, tell them what has happened and arrange an emergency scan and take it from there. I was never told who my midwife actually was but was told that i could ring any of them, so i phoned one and explained everything to her, she said she couldn't help me and to call the head midwife, so i did and she also didn't help but did give me the name and number of who my midwife was supposed to be. I then phoned her and she had no idea what an anembryonic pregnancy was, had never heard of it or had any experience with it and insisted that i just come to my 12week scan appointment. They were all useless, nobody would help me and i wasn't given any options, so i was forced to go through the miscarriage naturally on my own when it finally happened at exactly 12 weeks with no pain relief (my booked appointment was a few days or so afterwards). I was soooo grateful for the internet at the time, i read up on what to expect and what was/ was not normal. I found the miscarriage very difficult, my OH was worried sick and didn't now what to do to help me through it and my mum had to come over to help him keep an eye on me. Luckily everything passed and i had no complications.
When my appointment finally came my OH explained to the lady at reception what had happened and she still sat us in the room full of heavily pregnant women with lovely huge bumps and beaming smiles. My OH was furious as it was and eventually he got somebody to find us a quiet room on our own to sit in. When we went in to see the sonographer i had to explain to her that she wouldn't see anything as i had already, very recently had a miscarriage. She was horrified that the midwives had left me on my own over xmas/new year and that i had not had any help whatsoever, so was sympathetic towards us and just checked on how the miscarriage was going. She let me know everything looked fine and sent us upstairs to see a consultant. The consultant wasn't the most understanding of people and spoke to us as though we were a bit nuts and lying about everything, as though there wasn't a pregnancy to start with. Thankfully we took the ultrasound report with us and eventually they rang the lady at the place we had our private scan to confirm everything.
After that my OH was adamant that we would be going private next time, but due to this pregnancy being unexpected and us getting married in 2 weeks (woohoo!) we just don't have the money to go private at the moment.
This time i will be far more vigilant and demanding, we will NOT be going through that again!!

Anyway, my point is, if they are already being useless and not helping you maybe try to find somewhere else if you can. I haven't decided if i will be using our local unit again or one further away, but to me they already sound like a place to avoid if possible. Its such a shame people are so unhelpful and don't really care the way we hope they would, surely they should be putting us first, no excuses? Their job is not something to be taking lightly and we are relying on them, so try to find somewhere you can trust and feel confident with. Make sure you are demanding, and that they help you when you need them to, otherwise you will be the one who ends up suffering. I have completely lost my confidence in midwives, especially as my mum had problems with them in the past also and lost a baby because of it. Don't let them walk over you like i did.
I do hope everything is sorted and you have a lovely pregnancy x x

MissKW,

Thank you so much for sharing what must be a very painful and frustrating story - oh my God, I am speechless, angry on your behalf but horribly not surprised it could happen.

I must offer my condolences - you and your OH did everything right and they did everything wrong. I honestly don't get what is so difficult, it all seems to be no communication (which is what the midwife I eventually saw said was the main problem), a lack of urgency, professionalism and general medical knowledge!

Words fail.

I think when you have a grievance with the service you were given people can sometimes take that as an ungrateful mess for the free health service, but just because it is free should we accept terrible service, and in your case down right horrendous treatment? I think not.

You are SO right with being demanding.

I know I don't come across like it, but I am so polite, timid and mild in real life I hardly say boo to a goose. The latest run in is after I had my first scan we get given another appointment the next day to see the head midwife. This is because my husband has fistic fibrosis on his side of the family. I'm not sure if you're aware but plainly speaking, both of you have to be carriers in order to have a fistic child. The general rate for the popular is 1 in 23 people are carriers.

I know friends who have died/are dying/waiting on lung transplants because of this disease and my husband had had people in his family die young of it.

Anyway, fast forward, they argue they won't give us the test because it's expensive and they class me as the patient and I have no history of it. But my husband has created this baby with his genetics in it and he has a history, and if we did have a fistic child unfortunately we would not go through with the pregnancy.

We only got the test because my husband argued with the head midwife for about an hour, and she only agreed to test me. We had a letter from the geneticist a week later saying I was all clear but that they would strongly recommend my husband be tested. The NHS website also says anyone with a history of this in their family is eligible for a test.

Makes you wonder what they do and do not know.

Still highly sceptical about the medical side of this baby journey MissKW but I have to go back each time with an open heart and mind!

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS on your babba AND you marriage!

Keep us posted!!!

Thanks for your advice it's so true x

Thankyou for that!
To be honest I am the same way, very quiet and timid around people. Thank goodness for our OHs huh? He is the one that started to get demanding and stick up for us, and your OH is obviously the same. I cannot believe they are so uninterested when it is something potentially so serious! I am glad they finally tested you, but I find it silly when they will not do your hubby when as you say, your baby has his genetics too. It is frightening to think of how many things these midwifes must miss and how many people and babies they put at risk I also don't think they take into consideration the cost of the test compared to the cost of treatment in future, they would save much more money in the long run.

I think another issue is that if you have the guts to complain and help make sure such things don't happen to other people in future, you then run the risk of them being not so nice through the rest of your pregnancy or in future pregnancies, and as we rely on them so much, we simply daren't take that chance as there's so much that can backfire on us. Unfortunately that means such issues may persist with other patients. It's a sticky situation really.

I hope things run smoothly (for us both) here on out, and I wish you the best of luck with everything x x

 

[Dolores]

Thanks MissKW - everything you say makes absolute perfect sense to me!

I think the cost to care for a fistic child until unfortunately they eventually did (they live to about 30-35 now) runs into the millions, and they say "Oh but the test is a little expensive so we're reluctant!" Mind baffles! False economy!

And all these people you have to see and chase, it's actually wasting them money which I thought they were trying to save! Looking from the outside in it seems very mismanaged.

I wish you all the same lady and please please keep me updated!

Yes thank you for our OH's!!! Mine may come off a little rough around the edges but he's just protective and cares about me and the baby, as I'm sure yours does too - we're not complainy nasty people mwhahahaha!!!

Lots of love,

X