Back to work full time and hating it

[Beatlesfan]

well OH is SAHD now and I am back to work full time. OH is student so we only have my wage and I have always earned more than OH.
I am hating it so much. Not so much the actual work itself, I love my actual job, but the workload itself, internal flipping politics, being so accountable to so many people. I miss being at home and my LO. It's like part of me is missing.

OH may be getting full time job in Oct so I could do 3 days a week, which would be much better. But since returning to work I have had:

a headache EVERY DAY on waking
costochondritis (rib/back problem I have had once before) return with a vengeance
food poisoning
cystitis



Now if that's not my body saying "WHOOOOOOAAAAA! What's happening here luv, it's all just gone mad!" I don't know what it's all about.

I am taking Ibuprofen like it's going out of fashion (for back and headaches) and take storng painkillers when I am able to write an evening off as they make me drowsy.

I do get school hols so I am so counting the days until then and will make the most of my time with LO.

Also, I know OH is very good with LO, but I feel a certain lack of control as I'm not at home, and I notice things like the same (and just a few) toys out for her. I had to tell him today she needs a variety out and they need changing.... I feel awful saying it but I want her to be stimulated and to develop all-round, not just doing same things.

I know I am lucky OH is with LO or I would feel even worse about working, but I am sad to leave her. And I feel like I have NO time to myself at all. When I am not at work, I am at home with bubba or doing house things (ironing, paperwork, post, phone calls etc.)
forum is my only outlet at mo.

OH is fantastic he cooks tea etc. but he is feeling the strain too of being with LO all the time...it's intense.

just wanted to have a rant. I empathise with all the working mums I have worked with. I used to be so judgemental towards them, and I now understand their dilemmas.

 

[shadow]

Oh hun, I am dreading going back to work. So I sympathise, my LO wont even be 4months old when I go back to work. I'm gutted about all the things I am going to miss out on. But having just moved house, we cant afford for me not to work. Luckily for me I have great a great mam, and mam-in-law who have given up work to look after LO, rzther than him having to go into childcare, that would have killed me!

 

[KJ]

You guys are so lucky you don't have to pay for nursery/childminder.

I went back to week last week and we're already broke! I hate leaving Ash there, he cries when I leave him and has been very withdrawn since starting.

At least your LOs can be at home with someone they love and who loves them in familiar surroundings.

I'm sure Ash will get used to nursery, but it's emontional torture leaving your LO to begin with.

I know it's hard but try to think of the positives.

K.x

 

[Redshoes]

I think you should see your GP with regards the pain you're experiencing, that in itself will be bringing down your whole mood and outlook, and you need to get it sorted, have you thought about physio or homeopathy, is the seating at work bad?

I'm a SAHM and Isaac is rarely without me, he's been left only with his Grandma since being about 6months old, and that's only been about 20times total to date, and it's intense being at home 24/7 with him yes, but when I do leave him I feel so ill, guilty, sad etc its crazy, I know he's safe and happy but still.. so I can only imagine how hard it must be to do it everyday

In regards to your OH and entertaining your LO, don't worry about what toys etc they've been playing with, babies learn through everything they do, see, hear, experience Like KJ said, she is at home, with Daddy, she is very comfortable and happy with those aspects already and so will enjoy watching Daddy, and learning how life is, at her age she would love a pan and a wooden spoon, you don't need a sucession of baby einstein toys, trust me, your daughter will be learning everything she needs to be happy, she'll be stimulated and developing just fine

As for no time to yourself, I feel I have no time to myself and I am at home, OH doesn't get it but now Isaac's on the go and going through teething and some seperation anxiety, any free time I have is spent cleaning, cooking, tidying etc and my home is still a mess!!! I think make the most of your days off work, put aside an hour to read a magazine, have a bath, phone a friend, go online, and enjoy it, then return as Mummy, partner, and enjoy that time too by spending it as a family doing nothing but having fun, enjoy that time because that's what you're working for, a better life for your family, leave the housework, mess always seems to appear despite how often its cleaned up

I'm done wittering now, you know your family and what needs working on and what doesn't, I just hope you can enjoy the time you are at home and feel content that going to work as you are is what you need to do right now, its for the best, and your daughter is in good hands

 

[loz]

You're doing it for your family, but are bound to feel guilty - it will be nice if you can go part-time later in the year. Can OH help with more housework so you arent doing it all in your spare time? Keep going it's bound to feel worse to start with.

 

[kazlin]

In my honest opinion, I think it's a shame when women have to go back to work full time after having a baby. I am going back for only two days a week in October as we need the money, also I quite enjoy working, but full time...no way!!!

Is there any way that your partner can find a part time job so that you don't have to work so many hours? You really shouldn't be feeling unwell like this hun

 

[Beatlesfan]

Thanks everyone

I am feeling a little better. A stressful situation at work (one of them!) has been resolved since I posted so that has taken the tension off.

We now have a cleaner as we decided for the money it was worth it so we get more time together.

We found a good childminder (in prep for Oct) and she has vacancies now so OH has agreed to do plastering parttime while LO goes to childminder 2 days a week. he will make a fair bit over the cost of childcare.
I can't reduce my hours until Oct, maybe Sep if my boss agrees, so with OH doing extra hours we may have enough to see me through 3 days a week from Sep as we could have saved enough.

so next 5 weeks will be hard and not what I want for LO but come July I get 6 weeks off and then should be 3 days a week! hooray.

My back is still bad , headaches have stopped. think it may just take it's time to work through my body which is under stress. We'll see. I have considered physio etc. but there is a loooong waiting list. I think I will just ask my friend to give me a regular massage as she is qualified. I am too, so maybe we'll do a massage exchange!

Thanks for all your advice and concern girls
x x