Baby's father is a bad role model?

[MissSarahLee]

Hello guys, not sure I've posted this in the best forum but I'm a bit new here...I really need some advice I honestly don't know how to handle this one.

I am 11 weeks pregnant right now and in love with the baby's father. We are a strong couple and agree on most things. One thing I don't approve of, I hate, is the fact that my boyfriend smokes pot with his male friends, on weekends, which he describes as a 'social' thing.

I have never touched the stuff and I really don't want our little one to grow up thinking tht this is ok. But yesterday I was horrified when my boyfriend expressed seriously that he wants little one to grow up thinking it is an OK thing to do! He gave some argument about not lying to children and how "its not bad for you at all, its even seen to be good for you" and all this junk...typical stoner excuses. He even said that he would smoke with our child when they get to a 'reasonable age'. I am so unhappy and disgusted, and I every time I try to argue with him that this is wrong, he says hes going to go and find medical journals that prove him right. Its like he is on a mission to go against me with this.

I really dont know what I can say to him to change his mind, i'm not going to let it happen, but i feel helpless! Its not like I can stop my boyfriend seeing the child, which sounds ridiculous to even think about.

Please give me some advice guys, and be totally honest

 

[Titch85]

I don't think I could be with someone that has such a stupid and immature attitude towards it, and I would not want my child growing up with someone like that.

 

[kat1988]

My parents have had similar arguments with my brother, he's always smoked pot and for some reason thinks its a normal thing to do! personally I think it's his choice but I flipped my lid when after I found out I was pregnant he sparked up in front of me, he knows I don't even let people smoke normal cigarettes around me now so I don't know why he thought I'd be ok with that!

when my parents found out my brother was smoking pot they took him to our gp who outlined all the reasons not to do it...in detail, and he also thought it wasn't damaging in any way, so my mum printed out literally hundreds of medical journals, articles etc both for and against his argument and printed out a whole bunch of legal stuff about the law and possible punishments for being found with it etc, my mum said it was his life and she couldn't stop him (he was 19 I think at the time) but at the very least he should be informed about what he was doing ad the possible consequence, eg jail, criminal record, effects on memory and long term health etc...he did continue to smoke it but he's now 23nearly and only does it about once every 6months if that, and in very small amounts, (he used to smoke ALOT and everyday) so something must have worked

maybe you could try something similar, and for gods sake tell him the risks to lo, ie if he/she comes into contact with even 2nd hand smoke before the brain is fully developed (about 15years old) it can cause perminant damage including problems with memory, social interaction, reasoning and spatial awareness...to name a few

if it was me and anyone even picked up my child while under the influence I would call the police, as far as I'm concerned they can do what they want with their own lives, but that's child endangerment!

hope u manage to get this sorted before lo comes! xxx

 

[mummy2b19]

I think you need to be firm take him to the gp and say if you dont stop and prove you have stopped you will not see this child a friend of mine has schizophrenia and ive seen what its done to his life he was an amazing man more intelligant than most people part of gifted and tallented programs now he lives in secure accomodation provided by the nhs he takes life long medication and very really leaves is flat. He has been told that this has been caused by smoking weed. If he wants this sort of life for his child then he dosnt deserve to be a farther. Sorry if ive been harsh hun but your baby is just too important now and has to come first. I hope you can get your OH to quit xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Sorry but that is the most ridiculous and irresponsible thing I have ever read. Completely unacceptable.
Just no.
He shouldn't have anything to do with that child until he gives up and under no circumstances should he be teaching that child that it is ok x

 

[Sassyjane]

My partner smokes weed, And not just with his friends, it's in every cigarette that he smokes, I hate it and have had several arguements with him about it, I've told him I can't stop him smoking it but it does not come into my house, and it is not to be anywhere near the baby, if I find out it has been I will report him to the police!!!
My oh scares me when he drives, he has had at least 2 accidents a year, he doesn't slow down for corners or roundabouts and his distance perception is horrific, I don't even like the thought of him driving with me in the car, let alone my lo when they are born!!!
It's sooooo tough huni, especially when you love them, I'm not the right one to offer advice cos I'm struggling the same, but just wanted to let you know your not alone, and if you need a chat you can pm me!!!

 

[cosmicgirl]

I hope your oh doesn't end up killing an innocent person driving when stoned, or god forbid a child crossing the road x

 

[Happyred]

Sorry if I sound harsh, but if I knew my OH was driving whilst stoned I would be reporting him to the police. This is completely unacceptable and frankly he is a danger to society.
I can sympathise to an extent with your situation. My DDs father smoked a lot of weed and promised he would quit when the baby arrived. He didn't. I left him. I'm afraid my daughters health and safety comes before anything else.
I'm a psychiatric nurse and although the link between weed and schizophrenia has not yet been 100% proven there is evidence to suggest that it can certainly increase the risk of certain individuals developing the illness. I have seen the effects first hand on more occasions than I care to mention and it can be horrendous. No way would I be allowing my child's father to put them at risk!

 

[tabbi]

Right since a young age of 10 i have smoked since 15 i have smoked weed. I have no health problems nor does any of my brothers or sisters (none of them smoke) but our parents smoked 50 a day between them infront of us......No damage to report this end so its not a fact its only suggestions, they think there are links depending on the study group but what they dont do in a study group which they should do is get people without mental health problems to start it off with.

Instead when research of this sort is undertaken the use random people some who have use drugs and others who haven't some will have mental health problems others wont. its depends on the people they get as to there results so don't always believe those things.

Also a ex friend of mine smoked POT all the way through her pregnancies and was told it was ok as it will help the baby (i dunno how like) but that she was ok to do it, she also did it whilst breastfedding and having her second social services didnt even say anything bad apart from just dont let the kids get any of it. Pot is fine its just a Nasty, Vulgar thing to take.
As for normal smoking second hand smoke doesnt cause those things nor does 1st hand otherwise i'd be screwed as hell, My memory is perfect, I have quite a few friends too many keep track of at times, i have no problems at all. Its just a case of studies need to be done properly so that the right conclusion is brought forward. But getting the decent test studies and people is a nightmare.

Anyone smoking pot whilst pregnant or pregnant women should be locked up. A child is defenceless and can't protect itself. Hense me having an ex friend now, as she refused to get off the drugs i got her kids taken away for good. Kids are healthier etc she looks like crap as she uses Pot drinks alot now and doesnt look after yourself.
DRUGS are BAD i dont condone them at all. x x x

 

[tabbi]

just to add i dont smoke since i had baby number one over 3 years ago x

 

[Titch85]

just to add i dont smoke since i had baby number one over 3 years ago x

I am confused by your post, in first sentence you say you've smoked it from 15, but at the end you say you don't condone drugs?

 

[Happyred]

Right since a young age of 10 i have smoked since 15 i have smoked weed. I have no health problems nor does any of my brothers or sisters (none of them smoke) but our parents smoked 50 a day between them infront of us......No damage to report this end so its not a fact its only suggestions, they think there are links depending on the study group but what they dont do in a study group which they should do is get people without mental health problems to start it off with.

Instead when research of this sort is undertaken the use random people some who have use drugs and others who haven't some will have mental health problems others wont. its depends on the people they get as to there results so don't always believe those things.

Also a ex friend of mine smoked POT all the way through her pregnancies and was told it was ok as it will help the baby (i dunno how like) but that she was ok to do it, she also did it whilst breastfedding and having her second social services didnt even say anything bad apart from just dont let the kids get any of it. Pot is fine its just a Nasty, Vulgar thing to take.
As for normal smoking second hand smoke doesnt cause those things nor does 1st hand otherwise i'd be screwed as hell, My memory is perfect, I have quite a few friends too many keep track of at times, i have no problems at all. Its just a case of studies need to be done properly so that the right conclusion is brought forward. But getting the decent test studies and people is a nightmare.

Anyone smoking pot whilst pregnant or pregnant women should be locked up. A child is defenceless and can't protect itself. Hense me having an ex friend now, as she refused to get off the drugs i got her kids taken away for good. Kids are healthier etc she looks like crap as she uses Pot drinks alot now and doesnt look after yourself.
DRUGS are BAD i dont condone them at all. x x x

With regards to mental health as I said above its not 100% proven but there is strong evidence to suggest that "certain" individuals can suffer mental health problems. It's also fact that it can cause anxiety and panic attacks. With regards to physical health, the evidence is there. It's not the weed that's the problem but the act of smoking it. Just because you and your siblings have no problems doesn't mean others are the se. Also side effects could show up years later. Anyone who told your friend it's good to smoke weed when pregnant should lose their job, as that is utter rubbish. What they could have said is that it would be more harmful to the baby for them to give up whilst pregnant due to stress, etc but it offers a baby NO benefit at all.

 

[tabbi]

With regards to mental health as I said above its not 100% proven but there is strong evidence to suggest that "certain" individuals can suffer mental health problems. It's also fact that it can cause anxiety and panic attacks. With regards to physical health, the evidence is there. It's not the weed that's the problem but the act of smoking it. Just because you and your siblings have no problems doesn't mean others are the se. Also side effects could show up years later. Anyone who told your friend it's good to smoke weed when pregnant should lose their job, as that is utter rubbish. What they could have said is that it would be more harmful to the baby for them to give up whilst pregnant due to stress, etc but it offers a baby NO benefit at all.[/QUOTE]

Thats what i thought but she insisted it was true. I know certain people are at a higher risk than others, its not a nice habit rather horrible. I know it defo causes anxiety and panic attacks as my daughters real dad (who i left years ago) suffers with them, and its his own fault for smoking it.

The act of smoking in-itself looks horrible your skin ages quicker and teeth go nasty i learnt my lesson. My family are lucky we didnt suffer the effects very lucky for that matter, so bad my daughter will walk up to anyone smoking smack there hand and say 'your going to die, smoking is naughty' i go red everytime and say sorry to the person when she isnt looking but i dont want her to be a smoker i want her to get it into her head now rather after she has smoked years down the line.

Smoking should be the same as other drugs illegal its more harmful than a few drugs out there. Be simpler on the world. x x x

 

[tabbi]

just to add i dont smoke since i had baby number one over 3 years ago x

I am confused by your post, in first sentence you say you've smoked it from 15, but at the end you say you don't condone drugs?

i don't condone them now as when i was younger i wasn't liked much but when i started smoking and doing drugs people spoke to me (was bullied due to history) and i didnt think it would hurt me. And i don't smoke or do Pot anymore haven't since jan 2009 when i found out i was 4 weeks pregnant with my daughter best thing i every did was give up x x x

 

[cosmicgirl]

I'm really shocked about the driving whilst stoned. I hope he gets caught by the police before he kills an innocent person.

 

[Rachaellius]

just to add i dont smoke since i had baby number one over 3 years ago x

Do you mean pot or normal cigs?

 

[tabbi]

You have seen my have a fag Rachaellius, Pot is a no no, and as far as smoking quit about 2 months ago now otherhalf quit 5 months ago, yay....New property is a second floor flat and no smoking so i had to quit or walk up too many stairs....not something i wanna do. Plus my health has now improved yay. Rachaellius hows baby? x x x