At a bit of a loss, feel like a nobody.

[Funkylady]

I don't even know if this is the place to put this, or even if I have any right at all to feel this way.

But for the past 11 months, I just feel like I've lost all sense of myself. I am a mother to a gorgeous girl and I love her with all my heart, but I so miss being a working girl. At the time, when I was working, I hated it.. couldn't wait to finish up and be a SAHM, but somedays, I just wish I had the worries of a job rather than the worries of a baby. I don't mean, I don't want my baby, but I'd just like to be responsible for something else again. This isn't coming across right at all. Im so crap at writing on here.

My OH is working full time. He does have all the money worries I know. but he actually does less now than he did before I stopped working. For instance, now it is expected that I do ALL housework, cooking, cleaning and clothes washing. He actually doesn't do anything in that respect. I bath, feed, play with baby as well.. the only free time I get is when he comes in from work and plays with Livvy... I have to use this time to make our dinner and do anything I couldn't do during the day. I then have to bath, book, bottle and bed Livvy.

I know, being a SAHM to most people sounds like the easiest job in the world. But I feel like Im making a mountain out of a molehill.. making it sound harder than it is. But it just wears me down.

I actually don't get a break, but then I don't feel like I deserve one.. because that would be asking too much of my OH.

Oh I don't know, perhaps I just needed to write it down.

Does anyone else feel this way? I just really miss my independence and feeling like I've earned a holiday.

Am I being selfish? I do love my OH and think the world of him, so i don't want it to sound like Im putting him down.

not sure really what else to say.

Thank you for reading....

Angela xxx

 

[Storm.]

first
really not sure what to say but you are not being selfish, everyone needs time to themselves every so often, to remeber that they are not just a childs mum but also a women with her own needs and her own feelings,

Have you spoken to your OH about this? if you havent maybe its best you do, tell him how your feeling and just mention you would like a lil bit more input,
have you anyone who could babysit even fora couple hours to give you you time?

xx

 

[claire2711]

It IS a really hard job being a SAHM, and I've only been doing it for a month!

My OH is kinda like that, thinks that because I'm at home more, that I should be doing ALL the housework, but I'm putting a stop to that now!! Going to give him "chores" 8) eg last night he did the dishes, and the night before made us tea because I was so tired.

You're definetly not being unreasonable.....I'd say mention it to him, and try get him to help out a bit around the house. It will really ease the burden

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I posted something similar in the adult section yesterday (though mine wasn't really linked to my OH). And I think it does stem from the 'just' being a SAHM - people ask if that's all you are doing and I want to yell and say that I'd like to see them do it! One of my friends had the cheek to say that i've 'got it easy' being at home.

Being inside these 4 walls does my head in and I spend a lot of the time counting down until my OH gets home.

You should definitely speak to your OH about him doing more - you work full-time during the day too - looking after a baby is definitely more mentally draining than most jobs and can be physically hard too. Luckily my OH agrees and when he is home from work I expect him to help - and he does. He often cooks because he enjoys it. I tend to do the washing but if I hadn't had a chance to then he would help out.

I also get him to look after bubs for a few hours in one go - i sometimes pop to the shops but equally i do stay in the house but the idea is that I don't have to do anything baby related. Sometimes I take a long bath, sometimes i read or sometimes i sit in the room with Fi and my OH but knowing that when she wants food or attention i don't have to worry is really nice.

I think it's about balance - you both need a break from work.

xxxxxx

 

[lfc_sarah]

People who dont do it dont understand how hard it is

Luckily Lee completely takes Callum off my hands when hes off
Gets up with him/ does all housework that day even though its his day off aswel
Obviously i help anyway but i get time to myself

 

[MissThing]

Hun, it is perfectly normal to feel like this!
Even if my DH (bless him) works full-time+helps me with Daniel I still feel trapped sometimes and wish I would have my job and my life and eating a lunch in one peace back .

Have you been talking with your OH about this? Has he considering at least giving you DD a bath and a bottle so you can at least have an hour for yourself? You really need to speak with him hun

 

[mummykay]

hugs for u hun

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

LOve there is nothing wrong with feeling like this Im lucky my James helps out witj the domestic stuff when hes home
Id sit your OH down and calmly lay out what you have to do each day and get across to him that you need a bot of help and if only got half an hour you ge tto sit down read a paper have a cuppa watch tv while he looks after your daughter would make thew world of difference
SATHM isnt an easy job id like to see your oh look after your daughter for a full day and see just how hard it is

 

[leckershell]

This is how I felt the month before I finished my maternity leave, and I have taken a few days off work since, just to hang out with Ryan and gosh it's harder than a day at work.

Is there no way you can afford a day's nursery care (or a family babysitter) once a week? You could get a part time job, or volunteer somewhere.. or do a course in something?

It might not be a lot, but getting out of the house and doing something a bit different would actually be a break, might earn you a bit of money, might make you some more friends and might make you feel a bit more excited to see livvy the next day xxx

 

[nori]

Im not a mum yet but would never ever say that being a SAHM is easy! Far from it. I do the same job as my OH and know damn well that i will be working twice as hard as him when im looking after the LO. Working where we do is a 9-5 job but looking after baby is an all day all night job.

Try and explain how you are feeling to your OH and explain you need a little YOU time. Is there any family who could pop round and take baby off your hands for while so you can have a break?

Try and ignore silly comments from people making out its easy.. i bet they arent doing it! Im sure you are doing a wonderful job hun and you should be really proud of yourself!

Claire x

 

[Funkylady]

You are all so lovely, and some really great advice!

Well, I arranged for my OHs sister to come round yesterday and take her for a walk for a few hours, and by god it was amazing! Me and OH went food shopping and just came home and vegged out together, we had such a laugh and it just felt so lovely to be just us for a little while!! Made me realise why we were together, when I didn't actually notice how far we'd drifted apart!

He also made me dinner last night for the first time in yonks!! Granted it was just an curry in a bag oven job, but nice all the same!!

He's got a very busy week this week, so I know we are both in for some stressful days and nights! He's working all day, then doing a night course for his bodyguarding/door stewarding. So he is trying to make some extra cash for us. He's lovely.

So I'm gona knuckle down and keep Livvy entertained!

Leckershell, I think that is a good idea, maybe trying to arrange a regular time in the week when she gets care elsewhere. If only for our own sanity! I will investigate!

Thank you all again for your lovely words and encouragement! I love this place and you ladies!

Angela xxxx

 

[trixipaws]

being a mum/housewife IS probably one of the hardest jobs in the world! i work part-time but i am expected to do all the housework and when we both home its mostly me who looks after the baby, and i see my paid work as "time off"! it really is like a break to go to my job! i work on saturdays so the roles are reversed and when i first went back to work my boyf was keen to point out how easy it is being a SAHM and had done loads of housework and went on about what a breeze it was- this lasted all of 2 weeks LOL now i come home the house is a mess nothing is done and he looks worn out and grumbles that its hard work

u could get a part-time job maybe just every saturday, or a few hours in the evenings? then ur OH can get some quality bonding time with baby aswell just to even it out a bit, give u each a bit of a change and also ur OH like mine will be able to appreciate what u do by getting a lil taste of it! my boyf now admits it isnt easy and i think thats why sometimes when we are home if im tired he takes millie off my hands for a bit and lets me have a nap or something.

hav u spoken to ur OH about how u feel? x

 

[Minxy]

I am full of admiration for SAHM's, I couldn't do it. I work part time but value that space away from the family.

As others have said, is there no space for you to pick up a little evening job, even one night or so a week? Money's always useful, but you may find the social side of it goves you something to look forward to as well.