Anyone feeling crap about themselves?

[nats]

Everyday when I get a quiet spell at work I log onto the pregnancy forum, just reading other people's messages, i've been finding it incredibly useful, so I thought for the first time in a couple of months i'd add some of my worries and queries, as you all seem such a friendly and understanding bunch of gals!
Recently I have started to feel like i'm in my own wee emotional bubble, I wake up feeling fine and then at the drop of a hat, without warning the waterworks can start on the bus, watching telly or at my work desk, ever so embarrassing! I have started to feel really down about myself, it's like i'm the only person in the world who feels like how i'm feeling, even though I know this isn't the case, I just can't snap out of it, then the more i think about it, the sadder i feel and the more i cry. Does anyone else ever feel like this, like nobody understands how you feel inside?
I think it stems from the fact that my body is noticably changing, I'm 15wks 6days and look more fat than pregnant, I always find myself holding my tummy just so people dont think i look this way because i ate all the pies, shallow eh! My skin has never been perfect but of recent spots have just erupted all over my face. Some of my friends keep telling me i should be proud of my body and that pregnant women look beautiful, but i really dont feel it, instead I feel like i have lost all my confidence.
My partner doesn't seem to understand, i don't like to whine if i'm having a down day so tend to keep it to myself and i know he can't read my mind but i would love more affection, just a cuddle or kiss without me making the first move. Sex is practically a distant memory, i get the impression he doesn't want to, which makes me feel even more unattractive and unsexy, i worry when i get even bigger he will go out and cheat!
What scares me the most is worrying i will feel like this for the next 5 months, I get annoyed for feeling so sorry for myself and just want to know i'm not alone in the way i'm feeling?

Natalie xxxx

 

[Skidoo]

The first few months really are the hardest. I know what you mean about feeling like you look fat rather than pregnant - I really wanted a badge that said either 'NO, I did not eat all the pies' or 'I'm pregnant - what's your excuse?' Especially the latter.

Your OH is probably trying to 'give you some space' - least that's what mine said when I asked why he was being so distant. Just when I needed the affection! And, of course, with your hormones all over the place it can be really difficult to have a proper discussion without wanting to either kill him or run away.

I had long periods of feeling really really low and wanting to cry all the time. Mostly I didn't cry, but I didn't talk to my OH either and just got sadder and lonelier until it felt unbearable.

But then somehow it passed. We had a free weekend in the middle of the chaos that is our lives and spent time together just hanging out and talked and mucked about the way we used to and I started to cheer up again.

In short - you are not alone.

Try and talk to you OH about how you feel. See if you can find a way to break out of your routines for a bit and spend some time together. Even if you don't talk with a capital T just spending a bit of time doing stuff together may help restore some of the intimacy that seems to have gone missing....

It will get better - honest!

 

[fayebalina]

Hi hun, did you not see my post about celulite?
I can totally sympathise with how you are feeling. I keep having really tough times. It doesnt help that for five years I lived abroad, suntan, great skin, parties, independance, freedom and a good body, and now.......none of the above! Im pale and blotchy, have spots worse than those i got during puberty, the biggest party ive seen since i became pregnant has been on tv! I have been out but surrounded my people who are drinking does not make me think "oh what fun", im back at college and with the pregnancy aswell ive not had the energy to be working so i feel completely dependant on my o/h, every now and then i get a twang of panic at the thought of having a baby, our little bump was completely planned but its such a scary thought....even down to popping to the shop...its a much more complex process with a child! And as for how I feel about my body.......depressed, discusted, horrified. I never thought i would be like this as i dont consider myself as vain. Its just such a big change Id never been bigger than a 10 before and now some clothes im in are 16! And i still have 15 weeks left!
My o/h is keeping me going, i know he finds it hard to understand how bad i feel and i know that my body change has shocked him aswell. But i know he loves me and he is the best thing thats ever happened to me so i just keep trying to focus on that.
Just thought id let u know that you arnt the only one who feels like this.....it doesnt really make you feel much better though!
But it is good to get all the moaning off your chest eh!

 

[Rosebay]

Yeah, you're in really good company hun. This thing that we're all going through is very big and quite scary and we have no real control over our bodies and minds while it goes on which makes it even harder. For some reason I found weekends especially bad- there were several months when it felt like I had PMT or the weepies every weekend. My poor husband! Added to that I am totally obsessed and just know that I am reacting to things differently- kind of like being possessed. The slightest thing about the house, the baby or the future and I get all defensive and emotional which is hard when these are exactly the things that you and your partner will be thinking about and wanting to talk about. Apparently (ahem) I didn't look pregnant until I was about 20 weeks gone and because I wasn't exactly slim in the first place and had lost a lot of weight over the past few years anyway no one commented or guessed or said anything until I told them or until I was really really obvious so I got very self-conscious about that and took to pushing my tum out and rubbing it a lot! I got so annoyed whenever anyone said "you're not showing much" when I knew how much I'd grown- maybe they thought it was polite but it just made me think that they thought I was really fat before! I've only got two weeks to go now and it's ridiculous because some people say "Wo- are you having twins?" and some are amazed that I'm that close to having it- I just don't really get it!

I've put on loads of weight, haven't drunk a thing since February and of course have no social life whatsoever and sometimes it does really get to me- especially when people start going on about how we'll have no life after we have the baby. BUT- and here's the big BUT I just know that this is all worth it and that all of these things that get me down now will pass or I can do something about them. I can lose weight afterwards, we have loads of friends and family who have offered to baby sit so we shall have a life afterwards, I will eventually get my brain back (probably soppier than before but...!) and my body will become just my body again. And best of all we will have a brand new best person and family member. My Mum said to me this week that it's not often in your life that you meet someone who you know that you will love unconditionally for the rest of your life but this really is it and how special is that?

God knows pregnancy is harder than I ever thought it would be but it's worth it hang on in there- we all know where you're coming from!

+++

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

I read a lot of pregnancy stuff before I got my BFP and I thought I knew exactly what was going to happen.

But...... all these books do is gloss things up.

This 'total body experience' thing has totally shocked me. It also took me a long time to look properly pregnant and as I normally put on weight on the tummy I basically just looked and felt massively fat.

Add to that the change in my breasts, thighs, cellulite levels, veins that now appear bright purple, and the fact that I have felt like an OAP for six months, is all very strange and you do feel very out of control. There isn't one part of my body that feels like me and I really miss things like cycling, karate and other things I used to do regularly.

Oh well. I get to have my body to myself again in ten weeks and eventually it will start to feel like mine again, and I will have a beautiful son to show for it.

We all know how you feel hun.

 

I want to echo a lot of what everyone else has said but also say that I know exactly where you are coming from. I can agree with you on all things you have mentioned in your post and you really aren't alone.
Sending you a big *hug*
x

 

[nats]

Just want to say thanks for all your words of wisdom, it's great knowing i'm not alone in the way i feel. Going away to Barcelona with OH after xmas, so i think having that time to ourselves and just getting away for everyday life will do us both the world of good. You are all right in saying pregnancy is scary stuff, i'm 23 and always said i would wait until i was in my thirties before having children, so finding out i was pregnant came as quite a shock, the day you find out that's when evrything starts to change! Despite the nerves and emotional hormones, i know i really am looking forward to being a mummy, can't wait to go shopping in mothercare and mamas and papas, have my list ready but everyone says it's too soon to start buying, the pangs of excitement i get looking through the brochures and imagining what he/she will look like, assures me that as soon as baby pops out, i will love him/her more than anything in this world, and that's a nice feeling!!

Natalie xxxxx

 

[Sarah W Baby Belly]

Nats

Don't be too worried if you emotions keep on changing all the way through. I spent quite a lot of time during the second trimester feeling daunted about how my life is going to change. And I wasn't excited about it every day.
But since hitting the third trimester These feelings have died down dramatically and I am really starting to get my head round being a mummy.
My little one has already started to develop a little character and I am massively in love with him already

 

[Jadie]

hello girls,

I also feel really depressed, was meant to be out tonight with my boyfriend and his mates but i just could not face it. nothing to wear was my excuse, noy an excuse really, i dont have anything to waer, and i am not even that big yet!!

but now I feel worse for letting him down and not going, thougts of him getting bored of me and cheating are racing in my mind, really need some cheering up, i hate\feeling like this but seems to be getting worse!

Any way, moan over for now!

Jadie

 

[fayebalina]

Yea Jadie that really freaks me out too........i dont know what id do if he cheated or got bored of me.....its easy if you havnt got a new little baby to worry about. I really dont think he will not yet anyway....I just hope that my body isnt too different after the birth (that it goes back sortof!) Im starting to get my first stretchmark and its right in the middle of my tum....where my piercing is/was!
Oh dear thats just got me all depressed again.....lol what a bunch of wet lettuces we all are!
If anyone wants to message me on hotmail feel free to do so, im due March 1st!