Anyone else... (bipolar & PND related)

[fairypants]

So my hubby was diagnosed with bipolar many years ago and has been doing so well over the last few yeara, going from strength to strength. We knew it would be tough, having a baby, but took a leap of faith together and it was going great until our little missy got here. He just got more and more stressed and thr panic attacks came back and everything, even started thinking about self harming again because he felt ao bad about feeling the way he did and knowing that he couldn't help me with missy and everything as much as I neededhim too, at times. I managed to get him to go to his GP who almost laughed at him and basicaly told him to suck it up, in his words "you just need to get on with it, you're a dad now" and after going back a couple more times he was eventually referred back to pshych, who have not taken him seriously at all. He had 1 quick assessment with someone who decided to wean him off 1 of the medications he's been on for years, which has actually helped a lot because he can at least stay awake now, but this new dr said that he thinks it's more to do with PND than anything else at the moment! I was so relieved that someone else suggested it and it wasn't just me because my hubby wouldn't believe me! Especially after his dad laughed at thr idea of a man with PND, which made me grr at the in-laws dinner table, but apparently has gained me even more respect from them seei g just how much I will stand up for their son!
Has anyone else had this kind of trouble with bipolar and PND all at the same time?
Is there anything anyone can suggest that might help him because he's trying so hard but he's just still so scared of being alone with her, even if it's just because I'm in the shower or cooking dinner!!
We're already trying all the usual bonding things and he's starting to see just how much she loves her daddy, which is really helping. Just wondered if there are any groups or whatever that may be of help fo him?
Just a bit of a ramble really, but feeling quite alone as all my friends seem to have disappeared since having my girly and my family are all so busy with looking after sick and elderly relatives at the moment!
Thanks in advance

 

[kat1988]

I'm not sure specifically about bipolar but I know in my area the mental health team can visit anyone suffering any kind of mental health issue, and it's through them that you are referred to anyone specific eg psychiatrists, support groups etc. here at least you only really go to the gp (for mental health stuff) as emergencys or an interim thing or sometimes to change/alter medication. There's a mental health team or visiting mental health nurse at most surgeries now, could u find out if there is at your surgery? the way your oh has been treated by this gp is outrageous! I would advise against going back to that specific gp as its likely it'll be like banging your heads against a brick wall, not beneficial to your oh at all!

you could also go to your hv, they are there not only to look after your baby but to look after your family as a whole, depending on how helpful your hv is they may be able to refer you to the right places or at least point you in the right direction.

I hope you both find the help you need xx

 

[Nicnax]

My hubby has a history of mild, very occasional anxiety, that flared up massively when our little lady came along. She wad a good sleeper straight away, but the few times she did wake us in the nights, he couldn't get back to sleep, and struggled to cope with things for a while. Thankfully our gp was fairly sympathetic, unlike yours, who should be strung up for that comment! What helped my hubby the most was talking to some friends who had recently had a baby, and were able to share experiences. No advice really, but he is not alone, and it will get better. 9 months on, and he is totally besotted with her (and her him),and much more relaxed.

Make sure you take care of yourself as well, though- I didn't have a great birth, and was poorly after a large haemorrhage during birth, and found myself looking after a newborn and my hubby!

 

[fairypants]

Well he's finally had a follow up appointment with his psychiatrist who says he's doing really well and that he xdoesn't need to go for another 3 months and then he'll probably be discharged again. No other suggestions or counselli g or anything, all because he was having a good day when he went for his appointment!! It's a complete joke. No one anywhere seems to care or want to help. I spoke to a HV about it all and she just said that I should get to the baby group at our childrens centre and if he needs help he should see his GP. I just don't know where else to turn now because everyone just palms us off without helping at all!!

 

[Nicnax]

Can you see another go within the same practice? I find help can differ dramatic ally depending in which doctor I see. X

 

[fairypants]

He did see another GP at 1 point, who just signed him off for a week and told him to wait for his appointment! He's feeling much better for now, but the last thing we need is for him to get back into the rut he got stuck in a few years back of being signed off for a week or so every other week because he's self employed now, so every time he's signed off or can't work it's more money lost and we barely.get by as it is! Just finding it so difficult when nobody seems to want to help or even have any suggestions other than man up and grt on with it!!

 

[kat1988]

unfortunately dealing with anything mental health wise does seem to be like banging your head against a brick wall, I've been fighting for 3 years to be taken seriously and only just been referred for councilling, and even now it's not on the Nhs!

a few more things you could try...

google search for free therapies/councillers/charities that may be able to put u in touch with them. again these are not easy to find, but there is normally something in most areas although I will warn u there is normally a long waiting list

try a different hv, (if you can) and be annoying at your doctors, make an appointment every week untill you are taken seriously, they can't stop u an eventually someone will listen (except us pf lovlies!)

DON'T GIVE UP! I'll have a look/ ask around and see what I can find as well, there are also a few people on here that do or have suffered with various mental health problems, I'm not saying we should become yours as your oh's doctors but we can give u some support if u need it xxxxx

 

[kat1988]

0300 777 0707 - herts mental health team, they take self referrals and can offer various forms of support an assessments

 

[kat1988]

01438 843322 herts out of hours mental wealth service, they can offer advice and reference about diagnosis and guidance about services available locally

 

[redbear]

Im no help with the drs etc apart from shame on him for those unhelpful comments! But could you look into parenting groups for dads at sure start i know ours run some for self confidence with childcare. There is also a steps course for self confidence and how we think and what we can achieve. maybe those could help a bit? xx

 

[kat1988]

also have a look at Mind herts, Turning point herts

 

[kat1988]

PANDA and raisingchildren.net have a bit of info to start with

 

[kat1988]

also CSA and Postpartum men, I hope that gives you and him somewhere to start ill have a more in depth look when I get the chance xxxx

 

[kat1988]

http://www.postnatalillness.co.uk/

http://www.hertsmere-children.co.uk/about/

also (without wanting to break forum rules!) there is probably other forums out there where u may find mental health issues are more widely discussed, of course they wouldn't be as awesome as this one tho

 

[fairypants]

Thanks Kat. He's got most of those numbers n trouble is, they go through their checklists and if you're not suicidal they don't see you as important, then say if it's that bad go to A&E and they'll get someone to see you, but unless you've actualy hurt yourself & are bleeding, A&E saygo to your GP to get referred!! Nobody wants to deal with you!! I've asked at our childrens centre about groups for dads n all they could give me was an old leaflet about a dads group at a school, but only if you have school age children at that school!! It's hopeless round hete. He's doing much better & starts counselling next week as the NHS pshych lot said he should give it a go now, as thibgs are si differentfor him now compared to 10 years ago when he 1st went! FX itgoes well!

 

[redbear]

fx crossed for you, its rubbish there aren't some groups for you - in the town there is even a baby and toddler group just for dads, my oh has never been but ive seen it advertised x

 

[kat1988]

I know u feel like you're running round in circles most of the time! Sorry for the millions of posts lol, was hoping at least one of those numbers would give u somewhere to start or could refer him to someone that could help, my brother has various mental health issues and when he first went to the gp to be referred (he was in Hampshire at the time) he got told men couldn't get depression!? wtaf!?

if there's no support groups that are appropriate in te area he could always start one? might give him something productive to concentrate on?

 

[fairypants]

Would just be nice to get more support from the HV team. Even when I said about it when they did the 3 month phonecall and they said about the fact they're there for all of us not just baby, she didn't want to take the time to talk about it! I think we'll just have to see how his counselling goes, as he's actualy looking forward to it and prepared to give it a shot this time, and if it doesn't help then I think I'll haveto give thr HV a call and get a visit booked so we can all sit together and talk about it. Hopefully then they might be more willing to help! It's just so annoying that everyone just wants to palm you off on someone else and nobody wants to stop and help!