Any students or mums studying out there?

[Sarah13]

I'm a mature architecture student and I'm trying to decide whether to go into year 4 and 5 at uni this year or wait a year. I already have a teenage daughter, so not a first time mum, but I worked when I had her so just dropped her off with the child minder then went to work, I went back when she was 16 weeks. This time I haven't a clue what to do, most of my studies are from home and the course is very demanding but I'm not sure if it would be harder to study with a new baby or in a years time with a one year old. Plus I could probably only take a couple of weeks off when baby is born so I dont miss too much work. I just want the course finished so I can qualify and get back out to work but am I taking on too much, everyone around me seems surprised I'm even thinking about continuing at uni! I've not spoken to any tutors yet as I'm still only 13 weeks and want things straight in my head about what I should do. Oh I also have no family nearby to help so childcare would need to be sorted as well!

 

[AugustMum]

Id leave it a year to be honest. I went back to finish my 3rd year (just a normal 3 year BA) as she was 8 weeks old when the year started. But you'd have to miss a fair few weeks in the middle of the year to have the baby. By the time next september rolls around I think it'd be much easier to cope with. Baby can still go to childcare and you can go uni and by then (hopefully!) baby will have a sleep routine so you know you can get work done in the evenings. Its way easier to get someone to look after a baby for a few hours while you do work once theyre a bit older as well.

Ive struggled doing this final year (not helped by having to take her out of nursery due to their incompitance!) but as I only had the 1 year left and she was already 2 months old I figured it was best to get it over with. If she had been due around the time of your baby then I would have waited a year I think. I found it hard enough studying while 6 months pregnant, let alone being there when I was almost due! I wouldnt of had the energy to do anything lol.

 

[leanne1b]

When r u due mel? Too tired to do the maths!!
Well I withdrew. I went back when he was 6 weeks old as he was born in august. But like u no, I had pnd, and shouldn't have gone back when I did. I lasted til he was neatly 4 months and cracked from the pnd, issues happening on my placement and his health.
How many days a week would u be in next year? If I'd been in part time I could have handled it. But not with the placement too.
I guess a lot depends on what u can personally handle, and how helpful ur Uni is. With my course, I couldn't take any time out because of the placement.
The other thing would be in terms of child care. In my area the very minimum age anyone would take them is 3 months old. So would u have someone to look after lo until they could go to child care? Xx

 

[AugustMum]

Leanne I think I looked at your profile earlier on FB and saw you went to Herts uni? If Id of known that earlier I would have said for us to meet. I go there Mines only been 2 days a week but its been hard. Ive been lucky in that my mum and dad looked after Paige up until xmas and then she spend just over a month in nursery and now I just take it as each weeks comes in regards to childcare. Only 4 weeks left and I graduate, so not long now. Urgh, so glad to get it over with. Its immensly hard to carry on with such a small child, I was in tears alot over it and wanted to just leave but in all honesty...Im doing it for the loan. The loan has meant I could move out and get a car ect (although its now been sold) and its meaning I can go on holiday and spend more time with Paige once unis finished in May. the things Ill do for money! lol.

 

[Sarah13]

Thanks. It does sound really hard to manage and hadn't considered possibility of pnd, which I guess is more likely with lots of stress. I have had a bit of a look at childcare and noticed most seem to be from 3 months which is another issue. I've not spoken to uni yet so don't know how supportive they will be, but my course is full time so I'll be in most days but prob not all day. I just wonder which is harder to study with a tiny baby or older baby! Also keep thinking am I being unfair on the baby, I'm already feeling guilty, but also guilty about thinking about a year off when my husband has to work really hard to pay all the bills with me not earning. I chose to get pregnant, ok ideally it would have happened sooner but that's life babies come when they want! Just feeling quite stressed about it just now and what to do, being pregnant is only just starting to sink in think that's why reality is hitting me now!

 

[AugustMum]

Its a really hard decision to make. I almost feel like Ive missed out on alot of things because Ive been so stressed with uni, so I think Im always going to feel guilty about those first few precious months. My uni last year told me they would be very supportive but Ive been very disappointed by them to be honest. Another girl, squeakz, whos on here is in her final year of uni as well, as well as her OH, so its been tough for them. I think if you're determined enough, then youll do it and youll do it well and you sound like youll do it. But I would completly recommend waiting until the next september rather than just trying to take out a bit of time to have the baby then go back.

 

[leanne1b]

If the baby was due mid summer I'd say go for it. Just because of when ur due, I'd prob recommend waiting. Please don't stress about pnd. I did, and though I was high risk anyway, I don't think me stressing about it helped.
Mel, damit! Wish I'd known u were there. The Uni were v supportive to me... At the end lol. I prob wudv pushed thru it... Also largely for the money!! But my tutor asked to meet me, and I just hard core broke down and it was her who suggested pulling out. But I'm glad she did coz at the time it was killing me.

Sorry Sarah I got distracted there lol. Studying... Again depends on the type of person u r. I've always been a night owl and would leave things til 2 nights before they were due and work through the night because I knew I could pull things out if I had to.
A v young baby is easier maybe in terms of sleeping more during the day. But then an older baby sleeps thru the night lol sorry that's a bit unclear.
Like mel said, I will always feel guilty that I only saw my son on weekends, and even then I had to be studying-ish, from 6 weeks to 4 months. And I was jealous that my partner got that time. But. He wont remember that. And u do get decent holidays.
Also, check with ur course, by now they should have an idea of next years time table. My first year was "full time" but I was actually only in for a maximum of 10 hours a week!
I'm sorry if I've just confused things more.
My Uni tried to push me to take a year out when I asked about options at the time, but I'm a stubborn mule and was stressed about money.
I guess, after my rambling, I'm trying to say. Do what u think is manageable for u. But also set aside time for what if situations. Like I was really thrown when my son was in hosp and that kinda stuff never occured to me. Or deadlines being close together and so on. If u think u can manage, go for it.
If ur unsure, maybe wait, but try to keep reading etc on the year off because I knew when I deferred, that I was actually withdrawing because I knew I wouldn be able to pick things up where I left off
Xx

 

[Sarah13]

It def sounds hard to juggle things! I'm going to chat with a tutor tomorrow and see what he thinks and whether what the options are. It's good to hear from others who have been through it though so thanks x

 

[Squeakz]

Hey, I started my final year BAhons 2 weeks after josh was born. I was personally always determined to try it and see If I could manage but promised myself I would stop and start again the year after if needs be. Its been amazingly hard work, but I'm fortunate that OH was on a masters and we managed to share childcare resp for first term, and then nursery when we had clashes! In fact J was born the day before phils term started. We've made it work and it has been hard at times but tbh I hated the thought of having to stay in education even longer and I knew if I took time off there wasa chance I wouldn't go back! Nontheless I'm 7 weeks away,an open exam and 5 essays away from graduating and I'm really proud of myself!! Could u not try it but let your dept know you may have to take a year off if its too stressful? X

 

[Sarah13]

Well done squeaks! Only other thing with stopping and starting is the funding, I'd have to pay all the money back so if I'm back I'm back to finish it, can't afford to pay! (we don't pay in Scotland). My husband works off shore so no the months he's at home won't be a problem it's the months he's away that will be. How did you get on with the studying and projects at home? Don't think getting to lectures will be a massive problem long as I find childcare but the home project work and thesis could be if I have an unsettled baby!

 

[leanne1b]

I dont know if the same in Scotland, but in england if u start a year, and leave before 1st December u don't pay tuition for that year. Ask if there us a date like that that would mean u still wouldn have to pay the following year maybe?
X

 

[Squeakz]

Well we made sure that we got J in to a routine very early on. He always went to bed at 7 from being about 5 weeks old (which was sorta when the work kicked off. Meant we both have a couple of hours in the evening but we get him in nursery egr times a week and on those days its work work. It is difficult but we've managed.we have also had to use special circumstances with regards to deadlines in order to have them extwnded. Is there a supervisor you can taljk to?? Other student parents on your coutse? A mature student group??

 

[Sarah13]

So that's me just back from seeing a tutor, was good to chat to him, he strongly recommended I defer my place for a year as he said it's a really stressful year for students without any commitments let alone heavily pregnant and a new baby and it prob wouldnt be good for me or the baby to be stressed. Suppose he's right but I don't like the thought of dragging it out even longer. He did have good point i hadnt thought about, that there's no work for architects just now so Id probably be in a better position with more jobs becoming available later on anyway, so many people are coming out of uni without a job especially in architecture. How annoying would that be to get through it then be unemployed for a year when i could have spent the time with baby so early on. So he said go and enjoy a year with your baby and make the most of it without the stress. After speaking with you guys and the tutor maybe the best option all round will be to wait a year when the baby is in a proper routine and I haven't got to give birth half way through semester 1! Argh that will make me nearly 40 when I finish!

 

[leanne1b]

Still lots of time to makelots of money!! I'm glad he recommended that tbh. If u were stressed it would reflect in ur marks too x

 

[Sarah13]

It would reflect in my marks being stresses then if I ended up failing and re-taking the year that would be even worse!

 

[leanne1b]

So true Hun. Does it look like ur taking a years break then? X

 

[Sarah13]

I think so, bit gutted cos I'm so impatient, but trying to think positive about it, a year with my new baby will be a lot more fun without all the studying, exams and course work to worry about. I'll be able to focus on baby and also not worry when I might go into labour such as in a lecture which did scare me a bit, imagine if your waters broke while some tutor is droning on, be well embarrassing lol!

 

[leanne1b]

Lol but bloody good excuse for leaving early tho!!!
I'm glad ur feeling more relaxed about it.
Now u can just enjoy it first year with bambino x

 

[Squeakz]

So long as your happy!! Sounds like you have weighed up all the options and that's the sensible thing for you!!!! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the knowledge that you do get to spend a year with your LO X

 

[Sarah13]

Feeling much happier about it, thanks for your advice it's good to speak to others who have been there, it's a weight off my mind now!