and back to struggling..

[xMillie]

I hate this so much.

I'm so upset today, this cycle just feels like yet another waste of time.
I've had 6 pos opks, since cd10, so no idea what the crap my body is doing.
I scared to do one today and find a 7th positive.

I can't take dtd anymore, was going to dtd last night *just in case* but thought it's not actually going to matter anyway so didn't bother.

I don't know how to keep going with this?
One minute I feel strong the next I'm a mess which is a bit ridiculous since it's been over 3months since the mc now and there's no point holding on to something that was barely there

Ttc for 4years and 8months is bad enough without the mc..

I'm at the point where I hate sex, I hate my body for letting me down again and what is honestly the point in this anymore?

Feels like it's never going to happen and if it does I'm going to constantly be worried about losing again

 

[candymycandy]

So sorry you’re feeling like this Millie. What a rough ride. Are you under fertility investigations? Xx

 

[xMillie]

So sorry you’re feeling like this Millie. What a rough ride. Are you under fertility investigations? Xx

I've had everything the nhs can offer, including 2 failed rounds of ivf
We do have a frozen embryo for transfer but it almost feels pointless trying


Hubby has just informed me his phone warranty ran out on Tuesday and it broke on Wednesday.. we're both so unlucky

 

[Melly41]

Im so sorry to hear that millie. Sounds like you are pretty low atm. Its so hard having a mc when you so desperately want a baby. Ive not be ttc as long as you but have found it an emotional rollacoaster. I have 2 older kids so feel very thankful but was still devasted when i had mmc in sept. This week ive been very up and down about whether to ttc or not now...feel like it wont happen either. I guess what im trying to say hun is that everything feels awful atm but things might feel more hopeful in a few days. Our emotions are all over the place after a mc so are our bodies.....i dont want to say be patient as trying for over 4 years must mean you have the patience of a saint. Just hang in there and i hope you feel more positive soon. We just cant predict what will happen or whats around the corner. Take care and Big hig xx

 

[millielaura]

I'm so sorry Millie
And don't be too Hard on yourself..three months after a miscarriage is not long to grieve at all, is definitely not a bit ridiculous how you are feeling especially as it took you so long to get your bfp. It's so cruel . I have everything crossed for your frozen cycle xxx

 

[xMillie]

Thanks ladies xx


Told myself I wasn't going to opk today but I did and it's positive again
Feeling really pissed off now

 

[millielaura]

oh that's so annoying what day do you usually ovulate xx

 

[Melly41]

Are they all as strong/dark as one another? Ive heard some get several highs on CB digi before a peak.

Its hard when sex becomes a chore and you dont look forward to it anymore....could you just snuggle up on sofa with candles and have a nice romantic evening with no pressure to have sex? If it happens it happens....taking a night off wont make a difference but might help. Its so annoying when people seem to catch very easily! Hope you feel better about things soon x

 

[xMillie]

Usually cd14 or cd15
Sundays opk was darker than the rest have been but they all are still as dark as the control line so would all be pos?

I'm cd16 now and had what I thought was ovulation cramps Sunday night/Monday morning.. which seemed too early?

But yeah I have no flipping clue what's going on now!!!


Just want the cycle to be over cause it's clearly a write off

 

[xMillie]

I've only been doing cheapies
wish I had clear blue opks to check but I've never had problems with cheapies before
Seems a waste of money buying them at this point in my cycle though


That's occasionally how it happens but when you need to try and time it right it's hard

 

[xMillie]

Then other times I'm like okay lets just get this over with
It's so crap.

 

[Melly41]

Millie ive always thought a positive is when it is darker so that might have been when you had your LH surge approaching? Do you usually get a few 'as dark as the control line' tests each cycle? X

 

[millielaura]

I would probs go off the darkest opks and the pains xxxx

 

[xMillie]

Nope, they always fade out

So I want to count Sunday as the only positive but it doesn't make sense that they're not even fading at all

I read it can sometimes mean you body keeps trying to ovulate but failing

 

[xMillie]

They'll usually be fairly faint and then I'll get a bam positive then straight back to faint

This cycle is just so frustrating
It's not fair

 

[millielaura]

Oh that sucks hugs .. Being in limbo not knowing what a going on is so horrid xx

 

[Melly41]

I've only been doing cheapies
wish I had clear blue opks to check but I've never had problems with cheapies before
Seems a waste of money buying them at this point in my cycle though


That's occasionally how it happens but when you need to try and time it right it's hard

IC's have seemed to work for me...think they can be more reliable than CB as i used both last month. I got flashing smiley on CB but not a solid and yet few hours later got darker opk (definate positive) and next day CB flashing again which didnt progress to a solid at all so cb had not detected my surge probably as you have to do it with fmu unlike opks!

I agree with millielaura...id take the darker one as positive x

 

[Melly41]

Maybe its a dodgy batch....are they all from same batch? Its so frustrating x

 

[xMillie]

Yep

I'll still count Monday as ovulation day but hmmmm I just don't know

I'm sure I'll find out when I get af I guess

 

[xMillie]

I think they are?
But I'm not sure, when I buy more I usually throw them in the same bag
So could be?