Am I overreacting?

[TORino]

We've just come back from SILs and she informed us that she has booked a holiday to go on 14th April.

She is going with OHs parents and her little boy for a week. Her husband is unable to go because of the date and he has to work.

Now, ordinarily I wouldn't give a rats ass that they are going away 2 weeks after my due date. I don't need (or particularly want) their assistance with my baby.

What I do have an issue with however, is that OH works with his Dad on a building site. He has been in and out of work for the last 3 years or so. OH is telling me that it is best that him and his Dad are not off work at the same time because other joiners will be sent to the site and it might cause there to be no work for him when he comes back. So he is effectively telling me that he will have to go back to work on 14th April regardless of when the baby comes because he might end up out of work if he doesn't. I am going to spend the remainder of my pregnancy worried about when this baby comes and if I am going to be left alone very soon after the birth because my in laws have decided that this is the only time they can go on holiday.

I am livid.

There is history with SIL as well which makes me think that this has not been done by accident. FFS. Some people really boil my piss.

 

[Esperanza84]

I don't think you're overreacting. Could you talk with your in laws about it maybe?

 

[TORino]

We've spoken to them about it earlier, OH is hurt that they would choose to go away so soon after the baby is due to be born as they would never have done this to his sister when our nephew was born (I'm not bothered about this really as harsh as that sounds).

They said they didn't think I'd need them around (correct, I don't).

What I do need is the support of my husband in those early days, and I am effectively being robbed of this.

They also said that the baby would probably come early and it won't be a problem. Well that may be so but I don't have a crystal ball to predict the future and until it comes out I am going to be very stressed about the situation.

 

[Danielle77]

I don't speak to my SIL anymore as she is a cow! And has been a total cowbag throughout my pregnancy. Just think - you will have all the power soon because everyone will want to see the baby all of the time and its up to you when they do!!! X

 

[CARNAT22]

(pokes head in)

I think you are totally within your rights to be very annoyed.

My OH is a self employed decorator and work is very scarce at the moment - if his family put him in the position your OH's family have put your OH in I'd be so angry

BUT I really don't think you should let the spoil the rest of the pregnancy sweetie?

If there is no way of reasoning with the in-laws about this then you'll have to grin and bare it.... As a back up plan do you have family close by that can pop in just in case OH has to go back to work earlier than expected?

Also surely if he does have to work your OH can go in late / come home early.

When your F-I-L is back then your OH can take his proper time off?

I know none of this is ideal and I do totally understand how hard it is to have the pressure of OH being out of work hanging over your head... I guess as long as you and bub are safe and well, then work does have to come first... If it will keep your OH in long term employment?

What does your OH make of all this???

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[TORino]

He's really hurt CARNAT. He thinks his sister has engineered the whole thing because she likes the attention to be on her and can't stand it when his parents are interested in our lives.

I don't know if it is true or not. I'd really like to think that it isn't but this sort of thing is happening time and time again. She has twice got herself pregnant the month after we told her we were expecting. We get excluded for family meals and all kinds of stuff. Its not pleasant really. It doesn't bother me particularly but I like my own space and I find his family a bit interfering at times.

I'm just confused as to why it had to be that exact weekend they go? Especially since her OH is working and can't make it. I mean, in what scenario would you want to leave your husband at home and going without a summer holiday?

I'm sick of trying to make the most of things it shouldn't be like this. I mean, if he had to go back to work for any other reason I'd be much more sympathetic but this is just ridiculous and could have been prevented.

 

[CARNAT22]

He's really hurt CARNAT. He thinks his sister has engineered the whole thing because she likes the attention to be on her and can't stand it when his parents are interested in our lives.

I don't know if it is true or not. I'd really like to think that it isn't but this sort of thing is happening time and time again. She has twice got herself pregnant the month after we told her we were expecting. We get excluded for family meals and all kinds of stuff. Its not pleasant really. It doesn't bother me particularly but I like my own space and I find his family a bit interfering at times.

I'm just confused as to why it had to be that exact weekend they go? Especially since her OH is working and can't make it. I mean, in what scenario would you want to leave your husband at home and going without a summer holiday?

I'm sick of trying to make the most of things it shouldn't be like this. I mean, if he had to go back to work for any other reason I'd be much more sympathetic but this is just ridiculous and could have been prevented.

Your poor OH hun.... Why is his sister such a frigging bitch?

I cannot even begin to imgine one of my siblings (or OH's siblings) behaving in such a way.. The fact that OH's parents seem to facilitate this behaviour just make it even harder to swallow.

Is there no other family member that can have a word? (and aunt of uncle or a cousin??)

I am not a fan of game playing but you may need to resort to a little emotional blackmail? Maybe insinuating that as OH will be working so much you will want to spend your spare time together just the three of you.

So sorry you are having this added stress - why are people so selfish?

xxxxxxxx

 

[Bee7]

If this has been done deliberately then you have every right to be livid. Some people are so spiteful. I don't particularly get on with my OH's family and have no desire for them to be visiting all the time after baby's born, but if they did something that meant he couldn't be with me i'd be pretty pissy too.

Having said that, i don't think you should let it ruin the remainder of your pregnancy. If baby comes early then you'll still have a decent amount of time with your OH anyway. Whatever you do, don't let them see that you're annoyed. Your SIL will love that and it'll give her more ammunition to bitch.

Hope it works out OK for you hun, in-laws can be horrendous lol xx

 

[TORino]

Well his mum has just called.

She said they are trying to move the date of the holiday.

Not sure what this says, lol. OH told them not to bother

 

[BellaRiven]

I don't think your over reacting honey I would be upset too

xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Well his mum has just called.

She said they are trying to move the date of the holiday.

Not sure what this says, lol. OH told them not to bother

Lets hope they try bloody hard to move the dates hey?

xxxxxxxxxx

 

[TORino]

They must be feeling bad about it I guess. As selfish as this sounds I hope they do change it. I can do without the stress.

 

[BabyBrain]

This sounds like some really deeprooted spoilt daughter kind of thing to me. Your SIL sounds like a right little cow, it's not as if it's a surprise your baby is on it's way. My mum and sister et al normally all go away for Easter but this year they are staying firmly at home to help us out, it will be getting them to leave us alone for an hour that will be the problem lol.....that being said I am really hoping my in laws WILL go away but chances are they will stay home too .

Are you team yellow? xxxxxxxxxx

 

[TORino]

This sounds like some really deeprooted spoilt daughter kind of thing to me. Your SIL sounds like a right little cow, it's not as if it's a surprise your baby is on it's way. My mum and sister et al normally all go away for Easter but this year they are staying firmly at home to help us out, it will be getting them to leave us alone for an hour that will be the problem lol.....that being said I am really hoping my in laws WILL go away but chances are they will stay home too .

Are you team yellow? xxxxxxxxxx

She is very spoilt bb yes. She does everything with PIL, they live in each others pocket.

I'm team yellow too yes.

I'm just thinking, what if I go 2 weeks overdue and have a long drawn out induction? *shudder* don't even want to comprehend that right now.

I feel for OH, his dad has just picked him up, there'll be words in that van this morning I suspect.

 

[BabyBrain]

Then I hope you have a girl cos that will put her nose right out of joint . Whilst munching on my chunky kitkat breakfast I have a wicked smile on my face lol xxxxxxxx

 

[TORino]

Lol. I think she'll be put out if nugget is a girl yes.

But then she has her own baby coming in a few months which will undoubtedly be centre if attention with the PILs anyways.

We purposefully waited to tell her we were expecting because we knew she would do this.

 

[BabyBrain]

Well I hope it gets sorted, you would think they would realise your OH wouldn't want to feel under pressure to go back to work so soon if nugget is late. My OH is going to do a joinery course after Albert's arrived, he's built cupboards in our bedroom that are just amazing for someone untrained so I'm saving up lol. Being self employed is very hard these days xxxxxxxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

This might be a blessing in disguise, I SENT my OH back to work after a week off with me and the baby as he was getting under my feet! Don't feel too negatively about it at all.

It is terrible that your SIL has arranged this tho. Aren't his parents in law annoyed they won't be around to spend time with your newborn?

 

[Nurse 26]

your SIL sounds like a spoilt cow really. try not to worry about OH's work i'm sure baby will come in good timing xx

 

[TORino]

I'd love to cut the in laws out of my life right now. Seriously. I can do without the stress.

Soooo...after I posted this a while back, it was pretty much brushed under the carpet.

It wasn't mentioned again and we had given them a wide berth for a little bit. I have been trying desperately not to be stressed about it all and try to enjoy the remaining few weeks of pregnancy.

Anyhoo. I had a baby shower/gathering on friday at my house and they (MIL and SIL) were invited. This was the first time I had seen them since and nothing was mentioned about the holiday. They picked up my mum and brought her to my house as they live close by. My mum said they mentioned the holiday in the car on the way here. MIL said they hadn't realised when they booked it that it would cause so much trouble. And then, SIL said to my mum that FIL was really hurt at the way OH spoke to him and that he was out of order.

Bit of background - my hubby is a bit of a hot head and speaks without thinking at times. He is a say what you see sort of guy and makes no bones about things. At times he is unpleasant and can upset folk because of his short tongue. However, on this occasion, I think he was completely justified to say what he did.

It turns out that they have rearranged their holiday, and it has cost them an extra £500!!! OH asked his dad yesterday on the way to work. They didn't think to mention it to us at all. Great, so now I don't have to be worried about OH going back to work straight away. So I have been worrying for nothing for the past couple of weeks. Would have been nice of them to say something.

I'm properly biting my tongue on all of this. I feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode.