Am i being unreasonable?

[nori]

Hi ladies, I have a bit of a trivial problem but its really annoying me and i need to know what others think. I went out last night to a wedding reception and my OH's best mate came over and was basically grilling me for 40 mins asking why my OH wasnt "allowed" to play saturday football when the babies born (told you the problem was trivial).

Now heres the background.. my OH and i are so different and our families are so different. His family have spent all weekends playing football then going to the working mans club in the evening. My family go on outings and arent great drinkers (im somewhere in the middle) Now ive seen how this has effected my Oh's sister in law as she gets fed up with all her weekends being dominated by football. Her kids dont really know any different so im sure they are fine with it.

Now when i got pregnant i said to my OH that if you are gonna carry on playing football can you do sunday morning league rather than saturday afternoons as saturdays take up the whole day (literally). He didn seem overly happy but agreed (after baby is born by the way). I didnt say "you WILL NOT play football" or anything like that.

His best mate (whos gfriend is also not happy that he doesnt spend enough time with their LO) was running his arguement saying matt (my OH) needs to carry on playing as he will regret it when hes older and that he needs time to himself etc... My arguement is that this is our first baby and the weekends are the only quality time he will spend with us. I want to go out and do things as a family and dont want our whole life being dominated by bloody football! This is our first and i dont want my OH missing out on anything. I also think i may need help at the weekends when its the early stages.

So.. what do you guys think? should he:

a. continue playing saturdays so he spends only sundays with us
b. play on sunday mornings
c. give up altogether?

Thanks for reading.. im still anoyed even now. I spoke to my OH last night (when he was drunk and i was very tired) and he said hes agreed to give up but i dont understand. To me though the baby comes first and they are just being selfish!

Claire x

 

[Sandi4Paul]

i think asking him to play on sunday morning is fair. But men are selfish with their own time (in my experience) even when children arrive, don't seem to get that we don't get much time off like they do. and then complain that they con't sooth their small son when he is crying like i can (wonder why??). Sorry didn't mean to hijack thread.

Sandi

 

[Sandi4Paul]

i think asking him to play on sunday morning is fair. But men are selfish with their own time (in my experience) even when children arrive, don't seem to get that we don't get much time off like they do. and then complain that they con't sooth their small son when he is crying like i can (wonder why??). Sorry didn't mean to hijack thread.

Sandi

 

[Becky]

I think Sundays are fine. It's not as if it's forever either because life isn't static and can't be the same when there's a child involved. Your life is changing and he needs to accept that he needs to change too.

If he's really unhappy say that you'd appreciate it if he didn't play for the first season after baby is born and then you can review it the following season.

 

[CoreysMummy]

Chances are the Sat/Sun leagues are different, wont have his mates there etc, so sunday might not really be an option at all.

This is only for the football season I assume? You do have Sunday to spend as a family?

Life for my OH hasnt changed at all really. While mines upside down and different.

If my OH tried to tell me that I coudnt go to car shows/ car meets etc as this is my hobby then hed be out the door quicker than I could say drive shaft. Thats the only thing I have to compare your situation to really, as I let my OH go out whenever he wants/do what he wants whenever really - mabey Im to nice and should pin him down more...

 

[Becky]

The thing is so long as she isn't saying "No" forever, it's shouldn't be a problem.

Me and my OH both have hobbies that had to be put on hold for the first 6 months after Lucy was born. We both agreed that until we understood the impact that having a baby would have on us that we would prioritise our family and then start fitting in our hobbies around our family life as we felt able to.

As it happens my OH is into car shows etc. & is involved in the owners club for his car but it would never come above our family. Plus I don't see why I should be the one whose life is turned upside down while he can carry on regardless.

 

[nori]

I think you maybe right with the "see what happens" frame of mind. The football season is for 6 months of the year but its going to be the first 6 months of our babies life. I totally agree that both of us need our own hobbies, ive never disputed that atall and im more than happy with that. His mates do play on a sunday too but his "best mate" plays on a saturday. TBH its his mate kicking off more than him.

I just know that if it were me id wanna spend every spare second with the baby if i worked full time like he will be.. why wouldnt you?? I suppose i need to understand that men and woman are different. Surely some men arent though?

 

[Misslarue]

Chances are the Sat/Sun leagues are different, wont have his mates there etc, so sunday might not really be an option at all.

This is only for the football season I assume? You do have Sunday to spend as a family?

Life for my OH hasnt changed at all really. While mines upside down and different.

If my OH tried to tell me that I coudnt go to car shows/ car meets etc as this is my hobby then hed be out the door quicker than I could say drive shaft. Thats the only thing I have to compare your situation to really, as I let my OH go out whenever he wants/do what he wants whenever really - mabey Im to nice and should pin him down more...

You're not being too nice hun! I'm excatly the same and I wouldn't have it any other way. Its heathly to have outside interests as well as family life. It is possible to have both! It works both ways for us too and we are both free to follow our hobbies. I would feel very resentful if my OH tried to tell me I couldn't do something that I really enjoyed.

nori, you can still do lots together on a Sunday hun. And like hertsmummy said, it is only footie season? That gives you most of the saturdays during the summer. Which is the best time for family days out.

 

[CoreysMummy]

I think you maybe right with the "see what happens" frame of mind. The football season is for 6 months of the year but its going to be the first 6 months of our babies life. I totally agree that both of us need our own hobbies, ive never disputed that atall and im more than happy with that. His mates do play on a sunday too but his "best mate" plays on a saturday. TBH its his mate kicking off more than him.

I just know that if it were me id wanna spend every spare second with the baby if i worked full time like he will be.. why wouldnt you?? I suppose i need to understand that men and woman are different. Surely some men arent though?

Yup! I always found it was mates kicking off more than anything... my best mate has alot more to say about stuff than I do, I feel sorry for my OH sometimes when she lays into him!

Its a shame that its the 1st 6 months of babys life. I have never really understood that about my OH how he dont want to spend every waking moment with Corey, because if I worked I woudnt out him down when I got home...!!

Misslarue - Resentful, thats exactly the word to discribe it!! And that the last thing either of us would want im sure, so we both still do our own thing quite offten, its nice still being able to. My Hobbies never come before my baby, nothing does any more, thats just something that happends when you have childeren I guess. But I do enjoy what I do, and dont want to give it up - though we did tone it down this year, we didnt go to all the shows, and we havent spend every Saturday night at Southend Sea Front, but it was no big deal as I was just as happy to spend time with LO.

Its a hard one, I hope you come to a comprimise!!

 

[nori]

I think its the fact its the first 6 months thats really bothering me.. maybe i'm thinking this baby business will be harder than it is but i really do beleive i will need support at the weekends aswell! As i said before im all for OHs having their own interests and its often me telling him to go to football when he cant be bothered!

Good to get different opinions on this!

Claire x

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Me and my OH rarely do anything apart! We'd rather be together and when he is off work we share baby duty so I get a break too. I kinda expect my OH to be there most of the time and to do things with me and spend family time, but it's ok because that is what he chooses to do too. I'm high maintenance though so my opinion mightn't be the best!

Maybe the Sunday league would be a good compromise? Can your OH's friend not move to the Sunday one too? I think your OH's and your opinions should matter a lot more than the friends - he's not going to be looking after a baby 24/7!!

 

[LisaJ1986]

It's all about compromise. Not that men know the meaning of the word!
I don't think you're being unreasonable! You've told him he can play, but in the morning, then you have the afternoon and Sunday together.

 

[tuck]

i dont think you're being unreasonable BUT think about Sunday footie, it isnt just mornings, its from what 9am ish til 4ish in the afternoon (or was with my ex on a good day), then home, food and sleeping on the sofa!!!!

If it was me (and I am thankful my DH dosnt play footie or any sports) then i would let him play saturdays but curtail the drinks after, means you can have an afternoon with your mates/family etc, on nice afternoons even go and watch the game. then you have all day sunday to do things together. Your OH may find that when your baby is born he wont want to spend every saturday with the 'boys' so personally i'd play it by ear, you've already told him what you feel about it and rather than get stressed over it see what happens (oh and tell his bloody mate to butt out!!!!!)

hope you get it sorted

 

[Julie84]

We pretty much do everything together so I don't forsee any similar issues for us when baby comes along.

However, I wouldn't ever tell Neil not to do something. I might suggest that spending time with his family would be nicer but if I tried to stop him from doing something he really wanted to do he would just be a mierable sod and sit around moaning all that day anyway (and I'd rather have him out from under my feet if that was the case!!!)

 

[trixipaws]

no i dont think ur unreasonable- gosh it would drive me up the wall! i think the compromise of sunday mornings is a good idea, its a bit unfair for him to have to give up altogether if its his favourite hobby or whatever, but he's gotta meet halfway and cut down ur right the baby comes first!

that friend of ur OH- he wouldve pissed me right off i wouldve told him to jolly well poke his nose OUT of my business thanku very much! bloody rude grr im getting annoyed now! does ur OH kno his friend has been buggin i'd imagine he wouldnt be too pleased either!

 

[xxsammyxx]

The mate of your OH needs to keep his snout OUT! First of all its got jack to do with him!! I wouldnt stop him doing football as he will probably quietly resent you for it in the future. Tell him to do the sunday league, he will soon meet new footy mates and at least he can play and thats the whole idea isnt it? As long as he doesnt do what my OH does and thats go and sink beer afterwards and not turning up for hours later I would also take an hour out yourself, go to the gym, a walk or visit some friends. Everyone needs a little space on their own just to de-stress and take a break - OH will want and need that and you probably will as well. So give him the two options a) play on sunday b) dont play at all

 

[Sherlock]

I'm the worst one to answer this as I am a cricket widow in the summer

My OH plays most Saturdays from April to September and quite a few Sundays also. Gone from around 12-1pm and home usually around 8-9pm. Last summer before baby arrived he played every Saturday and Sunday game He even played a local game the day our son was born in May

This season I asked that he not play as many Sunday games. That any that were too far away travel time wise he not play also. He stopped the mid week training session of his own doing mid season.

Its been a long summer even so is all I can say. He works the week (sometimes takes a day off mid week) and is gone all weekend then more or less. I get bored senseless and pissed off being cooped up with LO. Especially as its summer and better weather etc to go out and about. Instead I am stuck at home all the time as he takes the car (we had 2 cars last year so didn't cause a problem).

Winter in a way would be worse as its shorter days so less time to do stuff out and about.

Personally I don't care which day he takes off from cricket next season, so long as its one of them. I've more or less had enough this year and am pretty fed up with things, especially as cricket isn't just a 90 minute game but goes on for hours. Its not even like we can plan ahead on a rainy day as the place they are playing may be dry and fine. Games get cancelled with an hour or twos notices is all.

I'd say get him to play the Sunday at least for this one season when your LO is so small. He'll have Saturdays with you, Sundays all being well home by mid afternoon so you can still have some time together.

I don't think thats at all unreasonable to ask for one season. You'll appreciate the help and the company after a week on your own if hes been out to work.

 

[trixipaws]

cricket "widow"

lol i used to be a "widow of eve" (thats the official term for us!) but now these days i am more like a widow of PS3. or widow of goddamn effing metal gear solid 4

at least i get to SEE my boyf tho, even if he doesnt seem to notice my presence

it must be really hard for all u widows of sports

 

[xxsammyxx]

cricket "widow"

lol i used to be a "widow of eve" (thats the official term for us!) but now these days i am more like a widow of PS3. or widow of goddamn effing metal gear solid 4

at least i get to SEE my boyf tho, even if he doesnt seem to notice my presence

it must be really hard for all u widows of sports

 

[lisaspoon]

I know how you feel. My OH is a footballer too! He did initially do pipe band as well which was practice mon, wed, fri and football on the tues, thurs and sat (if not pipe band season!) and wouldnt be home till 9/10pm at night. He gave up the pipe band a few months ago as he realised he couldnt do both (plus he hit 30 last month so realised he needed to slow down )

anyway..i wander.. his football at the moment is tues and thurs practice getting home at 9.30 pm (thats going straight from work) and game on sat (out at 11.30am back at about 5.30/6).......he's also managing to sneak in 5's games on friday evening and the occasional sunday!

I've tried to say that its a lot of time to leave me by myself with the LO I think the 5's can give really. (he also plays football at lunchtime at work about 3-4 days a week!) but whenever I mention it to him he makes out I'm taking away the holy grail from him and want him to give up every bit of football!

I think what annoys me more is I had to give up horse riding and gym classes when getting pregnant which I will want to go back to afterwards..... so someone will need to watch LO,,....

I've been told by a few that men expect LO's to fit around their lives, not the other way about..... so think it will be a shock to the system when LO is born...

so I guess only time will tell...