Am I being selfish?!

[HideiLu]

OH has been talking about a lads holiday with his friends for a while, which he's still hoping to do it in July for 2 weeks, all single lads between 19-23years old heading off to somewhere like Magaluf etc (I'm due 23rd August).

I wasn't too keen on him going before as a. he cheated on his ex whilst on holiday b. at Christmas he left me in town alone and found out he went off to a club with 2 other girls and c. after that found out he had been chatting to a girl on the internet And I know his mates don't like the idea of girlfriends are always just trying to get him drunk.

Also as this is my first, and my family live elsewhere and I run my business from home I don't have many other people around and if anything were to happen early I'd want him to be there.

I thought he was giving up on the idea lately as its been all talk until now when he has just been arranging to meet up with the lads next week to put their plans in to action

 

[Sydneysmum]

Ask yourself if you think he's showing you and your little one respect by going away. You have different priorities now - you're not being selfish.

 

[dannii87]

Aww babe

If this was me... I would not be happy. I don't want to put a downer on things so was going to read and run but you're my friend and I want you to know you're not being selfish..

IMO, he needs to be around in case you do go into labour like you said.

It works for some couples and not for others. It wouldn't for me.

Perhaps this is just a last couple of weeks away before settling into fatherhood? Not making excuses for him though.

I'm not saying for a second he's cheated on you, but he's been silly with what he's done recently (leaving you in town, chatting with a girl on the net etc) so he can't expect you to be ok surely? If he had not done anything like that and had been perfectly good in that respect, this might be a different story!

Argh his mates need to grow up, he'll be drifting away from them shortly to be a dad so they need to keep their claws out.

Hope you can talk him round to staying?! xx

 

[sarah2807]

I'd have the same reaction as you hun-i don't think it's selfish at all!

 

[HideiLu]

Thanks ladies. Evrything has been getting me upset tonight...Ive even been crying about having to buy a new washing up bowl!!

I'm not going to tell him he cant ever see his mates or go on holiday again, he goes out every other weekend and I don't have a problem with it, but now is a different time in our lives. I've tried to make him see that he also will regret it if I do have an early labour and he's not there before anyone else to meet his first daughter/son.
(I honestly don't want him to miss that so I guess I'm really not being entirely selfish!)

Don't know what to say to get through to him

 

[dannii87]

I don't know what to say to get him to come round to the facts, but I can tell you that when you're down and you're upset about something, every other little thing just feels like a pile is building up and can weigh you down so don't worry

I had a right strop at work because someone moved my bin!! AND, I cried in my managers office because they girl who's turn it was to make the tea, said she couldn't be bothered and so it was my turn again

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that your reaction is totally normal (hormones or not!) you're not selfish and you're not being stupid he gets his freedom at the weekends! If that isn't enough, I don't know what else is!

Would he be ok (honestly) if the boot was on the other foot?

xx

 

[Suzie and Faith]

You're def not being unreasonable or selfish.
COuld you comprimise at all? Maybe suggest he goes somewhere in the UK instead and maybe goes earlier than he had planned?

Do you trust him?

Hope things work out for you hun xxxx

 

[dannii87]

Oooops sorry, wanted to add:

Providing he doesn't book it all soon and it'll be too late to back out - I bet he'd come round after your 20 week scan and when your bump keeps on growing and when proper kicks on the outside are felt etc, he'll get an overwhelming feeling of actually being a dad. I reckon that instinct kicks in later than women...

I think we forget that as the women carrying the LOs, we have an automatic bond with baby. The dads don't really have that connection until they can actually experience this stuff with us (like the kicks, finding out the sex etc).

Hope that helps! xxx

 

[dannii87]

You're def not being unreasonable or selfish.
COuld you comprimise at all? Maybe suggest he goes somewhere in the UK instead and maybe goes earlier than he had planned?

Do you trust him?

Hope things work out for you hun xxxx

*Angels sing laaaaaaaa*

We have a voice of reason!!!

xx

 

[millylillyrose]

I dont think your being selfish, as a pregnant woman, you have the right to want your partner to be around close to the time you will give birth....
You also have the right to just want something because you do, lol. I hope if he goes away, that he gets back for the birth in time!

 

[andreaaa]

You are not being selfish or unreasonable, and if I were you I'd be having none of it either

 

[Bubalu]

I don't think you're being selfish at all. DH has to go to Europe with work sometime in summer and I have asked him not to go in July (due 8 Aug) and so he'll just have to tell work that.

If it is just his last outing with his mates that he want's before LO is born, perhaps he can arrange just one week right at the beginning of July/end June.

 

[HideiLu]

Thanks girls.

I did suggest the England trip thing and have a weekend away with the lads but he brushed it off

I do trust him in that I don't think he would actively go out to meet someone else but if someone approaches him and tries it on, he wouldn't say no. These 'friends' that he will be going with, always peer pressure him into drinking games whenever they go out - personally I think he needs to grow up in that aspect and no his limits with alcohol. So going off to a place where young people just go to get drunk on cheap drinks, go clubbing and sleep around makes me uncomfortable.

His Mum (who is a medium for a living) spoke to me to say she is worried about a couple of his friends that don't have his best interests at heart and are influencing his decisions.

I tried doing the table turning thing, and he just said his mates said I would say that! And he was not bothered as he knows I'm not a big clubber/drinker!

I'm thinking if I tell his Mum about it she will be able to talk sense into him! It's only her and his brothers he'll listen to most seriously!

 

[mandspice]

I think in theory him having a last lad's holiday before he really settles down and takes responsibility isn't necessarily all bad - I'm trying to cut my OH some slack on these things at the mo cos he's younger than me and not so prepared for our LO. Also I know he'll be a fab dad and probably do more night feeds and nappy changing than me when LO comes along!

But the issue here also seems to be about trust and if you're more worried about his behaviour whilst he's away than him actually being away maybe you should have a good talk with him and let him know how you're feeling.....maybe your feelings are exaggerated but our OH's must understand that we are delicate emotionally during pregnancy and need all the support we can get! xxxxx