Am I being oversensitive?

[skatty]

I have been stewing over this since yesterday morning at baby group. One of the women was holding Leorah and I had to pop out of the room and when I got back they had been talking about Leorah's cough in danish and she said " are you sure she hasn't got pneumonia?!". I was a bit taken back and said well she has been to the doctor and there is nothing they can do because it isn't an infection just a regular cough/cold that she has to get over herself. then this girl said she could feel her wheezing through her back. I am so angry now!! Of course I have been to the doctor!!! Do they think I'd leave my daughter ill?

Nothing more was said and I though no more about it until they were gone but now I'm really upset. Do they think I am an incapable mother? It seems she is such a know it all and every week I say something and she tells me its dangerous or its not the way to do it eg carrying Leorah in a sling, I should only do it for 20 mins as its bad for her back. things are done a bit differently over here but i want to do things the way they are done back home and that's that!! Its like when I told them about the baby led weaning, they really didn't get that and I am sure they will have talked about it together but when Leorah is feeding herself then they can judge me. My daughter is happy and healthy and knows I am there for her!!

I think I may have PMT so may be overly sensitive or maybe its the way they translate into english that sounds less polite but I am sitting here working myself up and feeling like I don't want to be involved in the grup anymore but I know if make a hasty decision like that I'll regret it because I don't know anyone else around here and its not easy as my danish isn't too good.

 

[Melanie]

I totally get where you are coming from katt. I think at least part of it is the language barrier but some of it is just that our way of doing things differs so much from the way of the countries we live in. You seem to be like me, open to learning about new things and ways to keep our babies happy and healthy, unfortunately some people just aren't like that, there way is the only way!

I got asked if i couldnt afford a stroller a few days ago because we were out walking with Thea in her sling I just told them that my sling probably cost more than the piece of crap pushchair they had with them at the time

If you want to put a stick up their butts, the next time they tell you bad things about slinging tell them that American and British doctors now recommend baby wearing as a way to strengthen the bond between mother and baby. It increases a child's confidence because they grow up happy knowing they are loved. Sling worn babies cry less because they are content children, it also helps with colic

Of course you wouldnt leave your baby ill. I think some people just like to feel superior and we are easy targets being new mummies in foreign countries. Screw them all Katt, you know you do your very best for Leorah, no one else matters hun.

 

[Tasha20]

Awww hun you seem like a great Mummy to me, ignore the cows

 

[skatty]

Thanks girls

My DH thinks the same as you Mel that they just know one way to do everything and aren't as open minded as we are.

Of course I wouldn't let my daughter be ill and not do anything about it! I think that she is the smiliest and most easy going baby in the group so It must mean I am doing something right!

I can't believe some cheeky bint asked if you couldn't afford a stroller

 

[Daggers]

hey Katt! I agree with Melanie it probably is in part a language thing and also the fact that you are doing something outside of the norm. - using the sling a lot more, the BLWing, god knows my OH was telling his mom awhile back that I wasn't planning on introducing purees and wanting to do the BLWing instead, as he was on the phone I don't know what she said exactly but I'm sure it wasn't as encouraging but more eyebrow raising, look she is a great MIL but one full of advice and me I just like to try and do things a wee bit different.
I wouldn't leave the group as yet and when poss try and ignore their comments - we'll see when their LO's are bigger and running around causing a riot, maybe you can give them some advice then! However I would also see if there are any other things you can take part in - baby yoga, maybe swimming? etc. and then you may find that you no longer have time for this particular group!
I'm sure Leorah is fine, if you've had her checked out already then you've done your part, and god knows you're a wonderful caring and loving mom to her and that's what really matters!

 

[skatty]

Thanks Daggers

The weather is very bad here so I am keeoing Leorah inside but I have already planned when the weather starts getting better to take Leorah to a babygroup in Copenhagen that is for english speaking families. She is also going to start babyswim soon, I wish there was more calsses here but we are out in the sticks really and Copenhagen is 2 trains away and I haven't tackled that yet!

Yeah I keep thinking forward to when the kids are older and Leorah is speaking her two languages and growing up with good old fashioed british manners I keep meaning to ask you are youspeaking to Otis in dutch or english?

 

[Daggers]

oh dear!!! That does suck in that way if you're out in the sticks - 2 trains to Copenhagen!!! OMG You're a brave lady to tackle that, I'm already pooping myself about commuting into London for our meet up! Still wondering if I could sucker OH into driving me !!! Eventhough he has suggested that why don't I take the car - hmmmm not sure about driving around London with a baby in the car, I use to go to work on the scooter so really I should be okay... hey whatever!!!!
Still hope things get better with the baby group, maybe you should be over friendly and do things like bake a cake or something, try win them over by fattening them up ... hmmmm caaaake!!!
Yes I do speak to Otis in dutch, god help him!!! I haven't been speaking it to him as much as when he was first born - OH kept saying that his own son won't understand him at this rate!!!! Must keep it up, hoiwever I will get all my dutch family to speak in dutch to him so it's not completely forgien to him as he grows up!

 

[skatty]

I really have to get out and get on the bus and train with Leorah! I am sure once I have done it once it will be fine! There is a cinema a few villages away that does baby cinema, you can go and watch a film and your babies can cry and sream and you can feed them all while watching a film. I may venture over and do that soon.

I also need to find some evening danish classes, they are great for meeting other foriegners.

I think its great you speak to Otis in dutch! he will soon catch up with english, its everywhere! I am not worrying about Leorah speaking danish, she will be going to nursery and Martin's family speak to her in danish. I think its important they learn their second language early otherwise they may lose it once they start having friends and going to school. Leorah may learn danish later than english but danish is going to be her first language so its important she speaks english regularly so she can converse with her english family, its a great start in life to have 2 languages

 

[Alfiesmummy]

No your not hun being oversensitive i would be fuming, this woman needs to remove the stick from up her backside HOW RUDE can she be speaking amongst them in danish knowing full well you cant understand totally, your a great mum she sounds as if she thinks she knows it all but none of us do and your princess is beautifull and happy shes just a bit under the weather pay no attention Skatty, its pure jealousy that you are doing a better job then she ever could and it shows with how she is. Hope the forums little diva is better soon, and next time you see that woman start nit picking at her see how she likes it.

 

[skatty]

No your not hun being oversensitive i would be fuming, this woman needs to remove the stick from up her backside HOW RUDE can she be speaking amongst them in danish knowing full well you cant understand totally, your a great mum she sounds as if she thinks she knows it all but none of us do and your princess is beautifull and happy shes just a bit under the weather pay no attention Skatty, its pure jealousy that you are doing a better job then she ever could and it shows with how she is. Hope the forums little diva is better soon, and next time you see that woman start nit picking at her see how she likes it.

Thanks that cheered me up, perhaps you should come and give her a mouthful for me! I have been thinking about it and two other girls in the group dropped out and I am sure its because they couldn't be bothered with it anymore as the other two are so "mumsy" if you know what I mean

 

[Em78]

i totally know how you feel hun.

alex had a really nasty chesty cough which left him wheezy when he was about 3 months. after seeing hv's who said it would clear we went to docs after three weeks and were told it might take a while to shift (she listened to his chest) and to goive it another 3 weeks or so! . finally had a routine check up at dr's a while later and saw my own doc (had seen hv's several times in between and still told it was fine!) and he instantly said he was convinced it was asthama (dh has it and alex has excema which is another sign).

the whole time this was going on i used to get so embarrassed as he would wheeze so loudly and people would ask what was wrong and had he been to the dr's - like you i was thinking well of course i bl**dy have! i was sure people were thinking i wasnt looking after him properly.

anyway just wanted to say i know how you feel and you are right to be annoyed - i think it also touches on your sensativity that you cant make it all better and sometimes us mums think we should be able to even when we have no control over these things.

but also i wanted to say to trust your instinct - i knew alex's wheeze wasnt right after so long no matter what the hv's and locum said and i wish i had gone to see my own dr right after i saw the locum and it might have got sorted sooner.

hope she feels better soon hun

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[skatty]

Thank you Em, that is great to hear what I feel is normal. Yes it is embarrassing, it makes me feel such a bad Mum like I obviously haven't done anything to make it better. When she is really bad I give her medised in the evening (doc said Is hould do this if it means she will get a good nights sleep) and it dries it all up brilliantly but I don't give her it every ebvening and I definitely don't want to give her it in the day. Poor thing hasn't worked out how to cough it up yet

I am a little worried about asthma as my brother had ity as a kid and her 7 month old cousin has just been diagnosed with it. I'll keep an eye on her. thanks so much

 

[Em78]

the odd thing is when i look back at video now of him before he had his inhalers it sounds awful and i cant believe the docs didnt pick it up sooner.

if its clearing at night then it sounds like it is just where she cant cough it up (alex still wont if he gets a cold) but now i know what to look for i know it sounds totally different to what he sounded like before he had his inhaler. when he has a cold its like his chest is rattally if you know what i mean. his wheeze was totally different but hard to describe. no medicine i gave him seemed to do anything either somaybe she is just chesty

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[skatty]

Yes I am sure its just because of the cold because it sounds wet if you know what I mean. I remember my brothers wheezing sounded really dry and he really had to fight to breath. Poor Alex, it must be so frightening for them when they feel they can't get a breath

 

[Alfiesmummy]

No your not hun being oversensitive i would be fuming, this woman needs to remove the stick from up her backside HOW RUDE can she be speaking amongst them in danish knowing full well you cant understand totally, your a great mum she sounds as if she thinks she knows it all but none of us do and your princess is beautifull and happy shes just a bit under the weather pay no attention Skatty, its pure jealousy that you are doing a better job then she ever could and it shows with how she is. Hope the forums little diva is better soon, and next time you see that woman start nit picking at her see how she likes it.

Thanks that cheered me up, perhaps you should come and give her a mouthful for me! I have been thinking about it and two other girls in the group dropped out and I am sure its because they couldn't be bothered with it anymore as the other two are so "mumsy" if you know what I mean

bloody right hun i will, i get people say all the time about the size of Alfie that hes massive for his age and it used to upset me now i just say "HES CURVY AND HE LIKES IT! hes always happy hes well fed hes content so stick that in your pipe and smoke it," p*sses right on their chips, iv had enough of peoples negative comments i bet if they lived with us and saw how happy he is they wud keep their m,ouths shut, same with you hunny they have to find something to comment on to feel supeior!