Am I alone with feeling this way?

[Eternity&ADay]

Hello everyone,

I've been lurking here on PF since June 10. I have been TTC since beginning of July 10 with no luck so far. Each month it is becoming more and more harder to deal with BFN's and TTC really has become all I seem to think about. I am wishing each month away and pretty much wishing my life away with it. The last two cycles and BFN's have hurt so much. But today a girl I work with announced she is three months pregnant. I was gracious and congratulated her. Ashamedly though the first thing I did when I got home was break down and cry like I haven't cried in a very long time. Thankfully I fought back the tears at work. I work in a tiny office and this really will become the talk of the office until June next year. I just don't know how i'm supposed to feel? I hate my job as it is and now this really has made me dred work everyday. Has anybody else experienced this? I understand that people do get pregnant everyday and they can't wait till i'm pregnant before they can be, the world doesn't stop for me, it's just having it in my face now everyday, it's awful.

Thank you for listening to me x

 

[kizzibea]

Hun, sorry you're feeling this way. I know how you feel about waiting for it to happen & that awful feeling you get when other people get there before you. Sometimes I just feel like shouting "when will it be my turn?!"

What we've done is to take a break when its got to be a bit too much, just for one or two cycles & we just have fun & don't worry too much about the outcome to get ourselves out of the pressure of ttc.

Do you chart or use OPKs at all?

 

[Eternity&ADay]

Thank you Kizzibea for your kind words. I don't chart or anything, i've been tempted to buy ovulation tests but that could become another thing I allow to consume my life so I have avoided them so far. I don't think I ov in July/possibly Aug but do think I am now because of cm and cramps and I try to BD around time I should be ov. I remember being soooo excited going from WTT (for many years) to TTC but now the fun has gone and I just want our baby and yes I too find myself sometimes shouting to DH "when will it be my turn!" x

 

[flexilexi394]

Hello
Hope you don't mind me crashing in, but I can imagine how hard it is for you. I am a big believer in relaxed trying, for example not using the stick things and chartif, as I think this adds unnecessary pressures. And you've always got to remember that your partner is a human and not a machine which can affect things too. I know it's easier said than done, but your time will come, try and just stick to what your doing and relax and have fun with the sex life without a baby! That's my outlook on this sort of thing. I just think all that charting and if it doesn't happen there's not a good enough explanation as everything was followed by the book so to speak, and people forget everyones different and not all conception is like clockwork for everyone. Hope i don't sound horrid! I'm just saying enjoy stuff, once your in the late stages of pregnancy, it's not comfortable and my life will never be the same. I don't know if you have children already, but if not then make most. If you do, well I'm an idiot and you have way more experience lol! Good luck, smile, try not to stress about other peoples pregnancies, and enjoy your partner. Xx

 

[Eternity&ADay]

Thank you flexilexi.

We don't have children yet and I agree with you in that I know life is to be enjoyed now with what me and hubby have. I don't think I will ever use ov tests, charting etc as I will drive myself insane with it all. As far as the girl at work goes, I just don't want to hear about it all the time (which I feel will happen anyway). God give me strength!

 

[Binzy]

I know that feeling exactly. I work with a very irritating girl who had the wedding of the century the week before mine which was fine as she took the heat off of me (I'm a bit shy) and it let me get on with my work and go home. Then she got pregnant and I'm not kiddding every day she tells everyone EVERYTHING in the loudest voice and goes on and on about how she's coming straight back to work and how she's going to get a live-in nanny and on and on and on and I just wince inside and feel like crying. I seriously can't wait till she has the baby so she can get out of my face.
Then my brother's girlfriend got pregnant and I felt like I was being slapped in the face again as now it's all my mum talks about and it's killing me. I live abroad so it could be worse but we've been TTC for a year now and it's killing me. I don't have any answers I'm afraid but if you ever want to message me and vent I'm all ears. It's crap but maybe once we get our BFP someone else will be in the same boat and we'll be more considerate.
Take care xx

 

[Eternity&ADay]

Thank you Binzy.

I know that if there is nothing else I do when I do get my BFP one day, I will always be considerate of other people and their feelings. I was with my wedding plans, I didn't talk about it to someone unless they asked me about it. I understand the girl at work going to be excited but she should show some consideration. I don't think she thinks though. Tomorrow at work when I am most probably rolling my eyes at yet more baby talk I will think of you! It is reassuring to know i'm not the only one who is feeling this way. It must get so much harder though with your brother, his gf and your mum, always talking about their baby and her new grandchild to be, I really feel for you hun, it must be so painful sometimes having to watch someone so close to you have what you want so badly. Have you been to the docs now that you have been trying a year? x

 

[SunnyGirl]

Hi there
I just wanted to offer hugs
I'm a month behind you - ttc since August 10 and I've felt like giving up as well. And the hurt and the crying seems a little bit worse every month. I've now given up not on ttc but on obsessing about it. Your body picks up on the stresses of ttc and responds in kind ie shutting down things that might stress you more eg a pregnancy. So basically the best thing to do is distraction with nice things. Your body will do amazing things when it has the space and time to do them. Think of it like your body giving you a tenner to bugger off to the cinema while it gets the housework done hehe!
My last cycle I had so many symptoms of preg and was over 2 weeks late for AF - was convinced I was preg but then the witch got me and I cried like I'd never heard myself cry. I decided then that that was enough - I was now going to live my life and enjoy life again. TTC is on the list but it is not being given special treatment or priority. I'm off the pill, I BD with my hubby - come what may now cos I am off doing art and craft and baking and watching Kirsty's Homemade Homes and writing a book for an art fiction project etc etc. Baby can knock on my door any time but I am not waiting in for it lol!
And as a result of that I have felt myself physically relax - my shoulders have descended about half a foot, my eyebrows are down, brow unfurrowed, etc!
Your time will come hun xx
And I know about baby bores - time for the Inbetweeners beepbeepbeep alarm when she starts off!!!
Hang in there xxxxxxxx

 

[kizzibea]

I've found temping and charting useful for working out when I Ov but I'm taking a complete break from them next cycle. I'm planning on just relaxing, enjoying our Christmas and seeing how things go. We are planning to see the doctor about it in the new year so I feel like that's taking some of the pressure off as well because we'll know whether there's anything we can do to help ourselves out and if there's anything we're doing really wrong which is stopping it from happening.

It's so easy to get obsessive about these things and I know that's not healthy. The thing to remember is that one way or another, it will be our turn at some point, we will get there eventually, unfortunately it's just the waiting part that we have to endure first can really get you down.

Have you got something else you can do when you're feeling it getting on top of you?

I took up knitting a couple of years ago and next month I'm planning on knitting whenever I feel like coming on here, lol.

 

[neeka]

awww sorry you feel that way u know i feel like that evryday for some reason its like i seem to get jelous in a way if i find out one of my friends is pregnant but everyone keeps telling me it will happen when its ment to happen. i've bin trying for nearly 2n hlf years now and still no luck i feel like im trying to hard do u ever feel that way ???? it gets me down really easily i get depressed about it need someone like you to tlk to

 

[Bead]

You're definitely not alone. It's the most frustrating thing in the world because there's not a fat lot we can do about it - just keep trying, keep waiting, trying, waiting...
I was totally obsessed for the first 8-10 months, just wishing half my life away (ie the 2ww half). You try not to be obsessed, but the more you try, the more you obsess! Argghhh!
But then I found it does get easier. Hang in there until you get your bfp, and vent steam here on the forums when you need to
Xx

 

[Eternity&ADay]

Thank you to all you ladies! Having this forum with women who understand how each other feels is so helpful, not many other people (outside of this forum) seem to get why we feel the way we do about TTC. I am feeling soooo much better today as me and DH had a good talk and I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have realised that because I hate my job so much I was praying that my BFP would come each month so that I new I would only have to continue working there for say 7 months then I could leave. Please don't get me wrong, I want to be a mother no matter whether I love my job/hate my job, absolutely no matter what and have been ready to be a mother for many years but I can now see why I HAD to have my BFP each month and couldn't accept no for an answer and couldn't accept that me and DH will concieve when it is the right time. Basically I will be giving my notice in either this monday coming or just after xmas which has made me so relieved and feel so much happier and now I actually feel like I can relax about TTC more. I've also realised that I will NEVER let a job ever stress me out like this ever again, life is just too short.

We just have to keep going with TTC as giving up just isn't an option.

Babydust to you all!

 

[kirlou]

I know exactly how you feel! i have been trying since oct 2009 and when we first started trying i was working in a day nursery with ALL young women, there were 8 rooms and i am not kidding but there was at least 1 girl in every room that was pregnant at some point if not 2 girls! in the end i had to leave and find a job with older ladies that had finished with thier families a while ago and now i love my job cos there isnt that big pink elephant in every room i walk into.

baby dust and lots and lots of luck to everyone!!!!!

 

[Esperanza84]

Know the feeling...have been trying to conceive since March 2010, and still no luck. Than a close friend of mine anounced on fb that she was pregnant with her second child (she knew I was trying), than another close friend also anounced she was pregant...and she made it on the first attempt. Now, my husband's sister is pregnant with her second child, and I feel the eyes of both our families (since we married in March)...but, I've decided to not let it controll my life.

I try to make plans and keep busy. I bake, make candy, make lovely diners, work and exercise. You just have to try to focus on other things and you will feel better.

I'm going for a run today since I found out about a pregnancy yesterday...just need to run to get it out of my system!!

Good luck to you! Hope you will have you BFP soon!!

Hugs

 

[CatBana]

Completely normal! And weirdly I pick and chose who it is that make me so jealous when I hear! On here I have nothing but joy and congratulations for anyone who conceives. In person, a friend of mine got pregnant with her third on her first cycle of ttc and I was raging. Then another friend got pregnant with her third and I was over the moon, no envy whatsoever. Now another friend is ttc her third and I know I'll just be overjoyed for her is she conceives. It's a strange business, it feels like your very womanhood is in a competition, or like it's a race or something which is obviously ridiculous yet hard to rise above!!
I've found that writing out my goals in life (along with having more children) has helped me, I went to a night class and will be doing another one in january, just to make me realise there's more to my identity than just motherhood. Keep coming on here to see that others are feeling just like you too xoxox

 

[Esperanza84]

CatBana, I so agree with you! Lets try to enjoy life without motherhood!

I've started tease dancing just to enjoy my body while I still have it!

 

[SunnyGirl]

I try to make plans and keep busy. I bake, make candy, make lovely diners, work and exercise. You just have to try to focus on other things and you will feel better.

I'm going for a run today since I found out about a pregnancy yesterday...just need to run to get it out of my system!!

Hugs

You sound just like me!! I read that and thought oooh me too!
x

 

[Bella2]

What's tease dancing? I've done most types of dancing - Salsa, Bellydancing but never heard of that! x x

 

[Esperanza84]

What's tease dancing? I've done most types of dancing - Salsa, Bellydancing but never heard of that! x x

Tease dancing is learning how to dance sexy...like a stripper; to tease and dance We dance with chairs and without chairs...and my OH does not mind I just had to start something new to take my mind of all this trying..

 

[Esperanza84]

Just talked to my mom on the phone...she's just been sick and started to read a book to become aware of herself as a person...so she gave me some advice. We should all (by we I mean us women) say this at least 25 times a day;I got the power over myself. I enjoy having the power! I am a powerfull woman!!

A bit out of the track here, Eternity&ADay, sorry for that. Just thought this could be usefull for all of us Remember the POWER! Yeah!!