All I ever do or think is wrong.

[berit87]

Aaaargh, FFS. Been back home since Friday. And already we are having terrible fights with my mum. I thought I'd stay with her until the baby arrives and then move to my own house. Seems like it would be healthier to do it now... I've been looking at prams and things to get ready for the baby, essentials and stuff. And she's like nooo, there's no point in getting a pram from the shop, you can get second hand much cheaper (which is true but I still wanna have a look what I like and in case I don't get a nice 2nd hand) and then when she found out that I have decided not to BF for more than a few months she told me that I am insane and being unfair to the child and only having that baby because "it's cool" and I should do this and that and I am not experienced and I don't know and I'm wrong and I'm shit and and and... God, I'm just gonna cry. I got so angry. Then we shouted at each other and now she's gone to sleep and is annoyed and offended. Makes me hate myself. Said she only wants to help. Means that if I am not gonna do everything as she says I'm a bad mother making crap decisions.
Sorry for the rant. I'm just so angry and sad and fed up and disappointed I don't know what to do...

 

[kerryp]

i think you need to sit down with your mum & chat with her.... and explain this is YOUR baby not hers. Harsh but true... if you want new pram then so be it, if you wanna breastfeed for couple of days or couple of months, SO BE IT. Its YOUR choice, dont let her get you down.....
xxx

 

[berit87]

Thank you

I did tell her it's my child not hers and she said it does not matter, she knows better than I do and I should not be making stupid decisions. She had me when she was 19 and did not have any experience yet I turned out to be alright. No first time mums have real experience, that's how you learn

She has made me feel so bad I cannot put it into words..

 

[charlotte_]

i'm in the process of sorting out moving out (it's not a definate yet) from my mums house, to totally avoid this kind of confrontation. she already makes bitchy remarks but i know it'll be worse once he's here. i would say have a good chat with her, but i'd be a hypocrite because i don't think it's something i could talk to my mum about.

i understand though hun

 

[kerryp]

you know whats annoying... i bet she got lectures like this from other mums & hated it!!
Tell her if shes that adamant that you'll be getting it wrong, you are willing to learn from your mistakes - that always shuts my mum up! At the end of the day what can she do about it? Pin you down & MAKE you BF for longer? nope!
My mum was like this a little bit when she first found out i was pregnant, cant remember how she stopped though... think i started to ignore her advice & she could see i was doing so by the things i was buying hehehehe

 

[berit87]

Absolutely horrible, she makes me feel guilty as well. I could never live here with the baby, I definitely will be gone before that. Otherwise I'd be the most depressed mum of the year. All I'd ever hear is what I'm doing wrong. Obviously I'd never do anything to hurt my child. And now I'm labelled as an irresponsible mother to be who's only having this child to be fashionable?! Pretty shocked.

Hope you get things sorted out with your mum Charl, it's really not easy at all. They don't want to understand that we want their help when we ASK for it and sometimes they should just back off

kerryp: Exactly. She's always like that with everything, always wants things her way and never does things other people tell her to. But with me she feels she's got the right. She can't do anything about these things, just make me feel like crap. Which is why I need to move out sooner than I though so we wouldn't stand on each other's way.

 

[ninjawomble]

Mums always think they know best, and having had you young she feels she has some authority on telling you whats what. BUT obviously you are not her. Also despite whats said you know what you are doing. Dont feel guilty for making her feel bad,most of us would react the same way at being people being critical. Especially at such a emotional time in our lives.
You will be able to prove her wrong, but also put your hands up and say ok I need some help from time to time, same as all of us.
If moving out will give you some independence, and improve your relationship, then go for it! Lots of luck and love hun

 

[Morganuk]

Your mum, like most mums say that they know best but we all do things differently.
If we make mistakes we learn by them.

Sit her down and say something like the following:

Just tell your mum that its your baby and although you will listen to her suggestions you will do what feels right to you and make the final discissions, and that like all nw mothers you will learn from mistakes if and when you make them..

When are you getting your own place??
You will feel a lot better once you do hun.

All the best hun.

 

[berit87]

I did try to tell her and she stopped talking about it and started bringing things up again in a a couple of hours. She's always with that attitude "No one can tell me what to do" but she seems to ignore that when it comes to me.

I've already got my own place, I could move in today, just thought it'd be nice to stay with my mum until the baby is here to kind of spend some quality time and just relax but all it seems to do is produce stress so I might have to make the move sooner than I thought...

Thank you for your replies girls, I appreciate it more than you know

 

[dannii87]

Awww Berit You poor love. How are things now? xx

 

[berit87]

Well, she's not talking to me since last night so it's not all that great...

x

 

[kerryp]

if youve got your own place now i would prob move into it... all this stress with your mum cant be good for you or baby.

 

[Chrissy1]

My mum was 19 when she had me too and it sounds like you've got a similar kind of relationship to what I have. My mum is lovely and all but I can't spend more than a few hours with her without us ending up arguing over something stupid.

We had a horrible relationship when I lived at home and it wasn't until I left that we even started to get on. We didn't speak for a while after I left home but we did eventually make up and we get on quite well now. I think having that time when I didn't have anything to do with her kind of proved to her that I can manage on my own and don't need her to give me advice on everything!

Luckily I've got the kind of relationship with her now where if she does start to tell me what to do I can just tell her to shut up because I'm perfectly capable of managing on my own and that I'm quite happy to make my own mistakes in life and learn from them without anyone else 'guiding' me!!

the only advice I can give you is to just take in on the chin. take in what advice you want from her and discard the rest. You won't be a bad mum, no matter what you do for your baby and she'll discover that for herself once she sees you with you LO.