advise would be appreciated, really struggling..

[pacha]

Hey all, looking for some advice or reassurance I suppose...Don’t really know whether this is the right place to voice my concerns but everyone on here is so friendly that I’m going to give it a go…

When I found out I was pregnant it was a real shocker as I was on the pill and took it religiously, I hadn’t been on antibiotics and hadn’t has an upset stomach or anything. The doctor said that ‘someone needs to make up the three percent’! Anyway, when I found out I was far from pleased and spent days in tears. I told my parents and the OH’s folks and everyone has been truly amazing and supportive. However, I am still struggling to get my head around it. Everyone including my OH who is really excited about it all have been telling me that I’ll get my head around it all and the excitement will kick in soon but it hasn’t yet. I come onto the forum and everyone is so excited and happy about their pregnancies which is so lovely but I can help but think ‘I should be feeling like that’.

I would give anything to feel different, to feel excited and start to enjoy my pregnancy but I’m really struggling. I don’t know what to do or what will help or if in time like everyone has said I’ll start feeling and thinking more positive (I really hope so). I have struggled with depression over the last few years and am really struggling to cope. Feel like I can’t really talk to family about it as they are all so excited bless them..

I just dont know if what Im feeling is normal, the thought of having a child is terrifying me, not the body changes etc just the responsibility of looking after a child, also the lifestyle changes, money etc. Ive been having sleepless nights pretty much since I found out, when I open my eyes every morning I get a sinking feeling when I realise what is happening and that makes me feel so guilty, I should be happy not sad, a baby is a little miracle!..Im just so confused about why Im feeling this way.

Thanks for lending me your ears

 

[babyblonde]

If it's any consolation I think that most of us who intended to have babies still have worries about finances, coping etc - so this is bound to be exacurbated for you who hadn't been planning for it all!

Could you talk to your GP about accessing some counselling? Especially if you have a previous history of depression.

 

[HannahD]

How far into your pregnancy are you hun? Have you had your first scan yet? Maybe once you actually see your little one on the screen your feelings may change to excitement.

I think everything you feel is pretty much how most women feel at some stage in their pregnancy. It is a terrifying prospect bringing a new life into the world and the list of responsibilities that comes with it. I'm sure though, once you have your little one in your arms all your worries will go and be replaced by an overwhelming sense of love and joy.

Take care

 

[JayK2387]

I was signed off work for a week because I got myself into such a state about being pregnant.

Me and my fella had only been together 2/3 months when we found out. I had never planned for children and didnt really want them being honest... I was far too selfish.

My bf had a child from a previous relationship so was more prepared.

I felt like you are and spent 4 days in bed crying. Luckilly everyone was so supportive.

Once I heard the babys heartbeat at 9 weeks on the doppler and had my 12 week scan everything started fitting into place. And I started to accept it a lot more.

Its difficult to be honest when your feeling like this cause as you say everyone is so happy but you have to think what you want to do hun and what will make u happy.

I wouldnt change my life now for the world and when we we're going through all the problems it broke my heart to think we might have lost her.

Its such a massive thing to come to terms with specially when its not planned so I can completely understand where your coming from. You shouldnt feel bad for how ur feeling

If u wanna chat pm me

Hope things get better for you xxx

 

[uknitty]

I wanted to get pregnant. Yet when the line appeared I had a good week of thinking "Oh f*ck I can't do this" closely followed by "Oh God what is happening to me"

This is huge news, and not the sort of thing that can be fully absorbed over night. You're bound to have doubts and worries and maybe even at times question if this is what you want. Take your time and you will find answers.

 

[louears]

Mine wasn't planned either, i had been told i couldn't have kids a good few years ago, and i came to terms with that, so finding out i was pregnant really shocked me, and to start with i was feeling very negative about and was unsure about how my mum would take the news and how my OH's mum would react, they were both really happy, me and OH were still just shocked and didn't know what to feel, now we have both got used to the idea there will be a little one around very soon, and now i am really happy about. and will be even more so when i see baby on the scan.

Have you had a scan yet?, i heard that can be the time that makes you feel different about things.

We will struggle money wise, we do already, but look around, many people in not great conditions and situations manage to bring up happy, healthy babies, once you get your head around it you will see it isn't that bad at all. Also your hormones will be messing with your head, and you have been depressed in the past, i know myself how bad depression is hun, it is the most horrible feeling ever. Once you have your scan and the hormones settle you might start to feel different about things, i really hope so.

I hope this has helped in some way, sorry i tend to babble sometimes.

 

[pacha]

thanks so much for the replies girls, I am 11w 4d into my pregnancy and I found out really early so have had quite a while to think about it all. To be honest my head is just so mashed I have lost the ability to think straight. I just find myself crying for days at a time. I havent been to see a councillor yet since pregnancy but my GP called me today and we're getting something arranged. Im so fortunate that I have an excellent GP.

 

[pacha]

oh and my scan is on 31st Dec

 

[louears]

thanks so much for the replies girls, I am 11w 4d into my pregnancy and I found out really early so have had quite a while to think about it all. To be honest my head is just so mashed I have lost the ability to think straight. I just find myself crying for days at a time. I havent been to see a councillor yet since pregnancy but my GP called me today and we're getting something arranged. Im so fortunate that I have an excellent GP.

that great news, i hope talking to someone helps, it can be a great load off your mind and easier than talking to someone you are not too close to, wow not long to wait for your scan too, i hope all these things come together and help you through. And remember your hormones are all over the place too, once they settle everything might fall into place. i will keep everything crossed for you and send some happy dust your way

 

[sueken]

A little bit of advise from a mum of 4 and preggie with number 5.Worrying is so normal i haven't had a pregnancy that i haven't been worried about.With this one i'm pooing bricks,have i got the room,have i got the money,have i got enough love to go around.The answer is yes probably on all counts but nothings for certain.
Babies change your life and i think for the better.Life will never be the same when you have one but the're not as restrictive as they seem.The first few years you'll feel like you have no life,but you will have a great life with a loverly baby that will love you unconditionally.
Enjoy your pregnancy and remember even a mum of nearly five still doesn't know what she's doing

 

[EllieBelle]

I promise you its normal to feel that way "sometime" throughout your pregnancy.........some ladies experience the anxiety early on and others later on!

I have been really poorly for the last few days, and found myself wondering how on earth I could have coped with a baby and feeling so awful, as all I have done for the last 6 days is slept - I have been in my PJ's since XMas Eve - the next time I am ill I am going to have a baby to think about and wont be able to just rest the same as I have this time!

Often I wake and think oh my god Im going to be a mother, and some days it scares me to death. I decided yesterday that its a bit late to be feeling like this as I only have just over 3 weeks until my LO is due

My pregnancy was very much planned, but it doesnt mean I still dont have some worries!

Its absolutely natural to feel this way, and talking about it is definitely a step in the right direction

 

[yummy-mummy]

My pregnancy was planned but am I feeling motherly ..... no.

DH has a 4 year old girl whose nappies I have changed, sick I have cleaned up and nightmares I have comforted. I thought this would make me a *bit* more prepared than the norm but it really hasn't sunk in. I was initially delighted but to be honest it hasn't sunk in.

Do we have the money - we are on v good salaries but my standard of living will change
Do we have the space - we do for one more but should my step-daughter get moved to the smaller room as she is only there 2 nights a week
Do I feel pregnant - I don't feel pregnant from a maternal sense. I have nausea, sleepless nights, off food, off drink, off hubby so I have all the symptoms but none of the emotions.

I'm still smoking *dons flameproof jacket* but I have cut down. I guess I'm start s**tless about how my life is about to change. Step-daughter can be handed back, friends kids can be coo'd at and left back with their parents while I go home, have a drink and put my feet up. I don't think DH even understands how I feel .... possibly because I haven't told him. This almost reminds me of the wedding. We booked all the bits and pieces, I imagined how it would all look but nothing felt real until the big day but I don't think 200+ days is an appropriate amount of time to wait to see if I feel maternal.

I hope things change as in my head I think I should be feeling more than I am. I see others on hear talking about their scans, about the nicknames for their Bean, how they talk to their belly (you know who you are!) but I honestly feel nothing except disdain at feeling ill and tired. Fingers crossed it improves or I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

 

[Jaded Diamond]

aww yummy i hope you feel whatever it is you want to feel soon.
i have moments where i just think "i can't do this" and we've been trying for 4 years and even though its been hard having miscarriages i'd convinced myself that this is what i needed to get my life back on track, and now i'm scared i'll screw it up.
and when i get angry/upset about the symptoms sometimes i want to throw DH through the wall when he says "you wanted this" it just makes me more scared.
xx

 

[Serendipity_]

I know how you feel.

I hope you feel better after your scan, seeing the babies heartbeat is amazing.

The baby wasn't planned, I'm only 20 (21 when the baby is here) but it was partly my own fault as I missed some of my pills and I knew I was playing with fire.

It's still a shock. I'm panicking about everything at the moment. I don't even feel pregnant now my sickness has gone!

My OH isn't very supportive. Well, thats a lie. He is supportive of me and seeing the heartbeat for him was immense, he loved it. But he doesn't understand. And he never will. He hasn't got to go through the emotional changes I am going through. Every minute of every day, all I think about is my baby. Is that chocolate bad? What if it hates me? Will I bond immediately?

It is such a scary thing for anyone.

That didn't really make any sense to be honest did it?

 

[yummy-mummy]

Still feeling scared today but a bit better than I was when crying myself to sleep last night. I remembered something I'd heard on Scrubs which I thought was quite funny. Here goes:

Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, are you... are you crying?
Jordan: No... I don't know! I'm just completely hormonal! I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny to clinically depressed six times a day.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work.


Sums up pregnancy eh?