Adopting

[Blueflower]

My manager just told me that there has to be a 45 year age gap maximum between parent & child, has anyone else heard of that? She said I'd have to hurry up if I want an actual baby!

 

[FBTTN8079]

I love this thread it's just so lovely how it's worked out for you

I've not heard about the age gap thing? could it be different areas having different policies? X

 

[Mar_15]

Hi Blueflower, I've heard of that age gap thing before. My parents considered adopting after my little sister was born but they were 43 when she was born. They were told about the age gap requirements and they didn't want to adopt a child older than her (and mess up the natural birth order of the family) so it was what put them off in the end.

 

[Hoping for no2]

My manager just told me that there has to be a 45 year age gap maximum between parent & child, has anyone else heard of that? She said I'd have to hurry up if I want an actual baby!

Blueflower, a lady I know has recently adopted over 45. She was only allowed to adopt a child over the age of 6 due to her age (her adopted daughter is 8). X

 

[FirstLiner]

I think, others are correct here, adoption is an option and there are some who adopted and gets pregnant after a while.

 

[Blueflower]

Yes she said if you are under 45 you could get a baby, if you are 46 you could get a one year old, 47 get a 2 year old etc.

I have heard of people who adopt and then get pregnant but I think its one of those rare things that people of the 'relax and it will happen' brigade say to try to be kind but it can be misguided.

 

[redbear]

Aww wonderful! Im so happy for you!! Xx

 

[phonixgirl]

I found this from a UK adoption site:

You will also need to complete a criminal record bureau check. If you have any convictions which are against children or adults and are related to GBH, assaults, arson etc you will not meet the criteria

I guess that means we are ruled out. X

 

[Blueflower]

Or adults? I didn't realize. That's so unfair.

 

[phonixgirl]

I agree. I can sort of see why they have to do it but it must automatically exempt a lot of people (many who made mistakes in their youth like my DH, or those who made drunken mistakes). It's such a shame. X

 

[Blueflower]

Its more than a shame, can you contest it at all?

 

[FBTTN8079]

I agree with Blueflower, do they have anyway of contesting & showing your case ? x

 

[phonixgirl]

I don't think so. It just seems automatically exempt. I might give them a call further down the call just to confirm.

 

[Jennymarie]

Hi phoenix girl I'd check with a few agencies as it's much more relaxed than it used to be. It would be checked out but they take many things on a case by case basis now.

Yes age can be a factor. It's more to do with how old you'll be when the child is a certain age etc I think. It's very rare to get a newborn no matter how young you are. Our son was 8 months which is considered very young. We were open to any age under 3. Friends of ours went into the process wanting to adopt a baby girl and ended up adopting two boys, one 5 and one 7..!! So you never know, the adoption process does change your whole thought process. If you have children already you'll only be able to adopt a child that is at least 2 years younger than your other child.

 

[MrsS15]

This is such a lovely story Jenny. What a lucky boy to have found you both to be his parents! xx

 

[Phoenix85]

If you have children already you'll only be able to adopt a child that is at least 2 years younger than your other child.

Not always actually.

Whilst generally they prefer an adopted child to be the youngest in the family, with older children they often make allowances as they prefer them to be placed with a 'forever family' if possible.
I do think there is good reason for not adopting an older child (than your own) though.
Often a lot of children who go into care when older have suffered neglect and even abuse and they really need to be the youngest in the family and get more attention.

 

[Sugarpop]

I don't think so. It just seems automatically exempt. I might give them a call further down the call just to confirm.

With a DRB/CRB It's up to the officer doing the check to decide whether a conviction is relevant or not.

You could always seek legal advice about getting the conviction removed from records? Depends how long ago it was and what it was actually for?

 

[Syd43]

Hi all, just come across this thread. I'm not considering adoption myself but I have previously looked into it and I'm a foster Carer, two sets of my close friends have recently adopted.

Blueflower, you're right about the age gap. It changes every now and then but is currently 45 yrs I believe. So at 45 you can adopt a baby, at 46 a 1yr old etc.

Phonixgirl I would definitely speak to your local Social Services or an agency directly as there may be slightly different rules. That does seem very unfair.

 

[Syd43]

Jennymarie, what a lovely story. Good friends of mine adopted a baby a while ago, they're thinking about starting the process again for number two

 

[Jennymarie]

Thanks Syd43, we actually seriously considering starting the process again. Our sons been with us 18 months now and he's settled really well. It's a really weird feeling to describe but I'm so thankful my IVF failed as I just couldn't imagine life without my son. x