A year today

[RhondaLou]

It's a year today since we lost our babies. I'm sat outside the cemetery trying to pull myself together for the drive home.

I'm currently 17 weeks with a seemingly healthy pregnancy and decided to come along and lay some flowers in the baby garden next to where our little ones ashes are. We lay down a little plot in the garden in remembrance but when I got there today it's covered in leaves and the teddy bear we put down has gone.

I wanted to pay my respects then go home and concentrate on this little one I'm carrying but the plot being buried has really got to me. It's like I have lost all over again, not just the babies but the memory too. I must have looked a right sight crouching down in the baby garden rummaging through leaves with my bare hands and sobbing.

I just needed to get that off my chest really. I'm upset that the teddy is gone my partner won that. But now I have to look forward to this little baby who must know I'm upset today.

Think I'll come back at the weekend and put something more permanent in place.

There are some gorgeous tributes to the babies in heaven. I don't want ours to be lost under the leaves xx

 

[Lyllian]

Im so sorry Rhonda, i cant imagine how hard it must be. You wont have looked a state at all is completely understandable! How horrible that the teddys gone, maybe your babies decided to take it to play with and snuggle up to in heaven. Get yourself home and get your feet up, you have their little brother or sister growing in your tummy that theyll be watching over and you can have a think about something more permanant. You get some lovely plaques or little poems on slabs that would be perfect. Take care xx

 

[RhondaLou]

I love the thought that the teddy has gone to heaven. We do have a pot at home too so it's not the only memory. It got to me more than I thought it would today. The place we chose is under a tree with other memorials so ours has plenty of other spirit babies and toys to play with.

It's been a tough day but I have to look after this pregnancy now we are so excited x

 

[buggy1]

Sorry for your loss, I think many people in the same situation would behave in a similar way, I'd be distraught if anything went missing from the plot where my little girl is buried!