a thread for those who wish to express their opinions against controlled crying

[TTT]

I do my upmost to be a 'gentle' parent and keep as informed as I possibly can with the best resources I can find.

I am of the opinion that controlled crying is cruel to the child.

I believe the government needs to do more to alleviate the pressure on mums to go back yo work for at least a year. At the end of the day, our children are the worlds next generation.

I have read some of James McKenna's articles and they were what gave me.the confidence to co sleep. Heres a well rounded article on why controlled crying isn't great for children.

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/pinky_mckay.html

I, as an adult, am still uneasy in the dark. I have a night light and I cant sleep without my husband present. So I wouldn't leave my child vulnerable to those anxieties. I know I am a little extreme in my fears and some may mock but I bet there are more adults uneasy in the dark than would care to admit!

 

[TTT]

I've created this thread so people can express their opinions against controlled crying without hijacking someone else's thread, to allow us to have a voice without being called trolls. If people cant accept that others have a differing opinion, don't come on a forum as that's what forums are for!

 

[Mummybexee]

Great idea for a thread! It means people asking for advice on it don't get trolled by opposing views rather than the advice they asked for! Alittle late but better late than never

 

[Jojo84]

Gotta love how you believe that creating a thread for people to slag off people with different patenting techniques to the ones you chose is a nice thing to do.

It's basically going to be an "oh what a bad mother they are" thread and you're proud of that? Nice work.

 

[TTT]

Like I said, people have different opinions and that's what forums are for so if you cant cope with that, forums aren't the place for you. If anyone criticises someone for being against cc they are slagged off so much but then its ok to come on this thread I've specifically.titled and criticise me. Makes sense!

I never once said bad mother either so don't try and put words into my mouth. The point of this thread is to give those who are undecided a chance to see both sides of the coin and more importantly, why.

I also added, that I think there is a lot of pressure on mums to go back to work. I am fortunate enough to not have that pressure as I run my own business, and the work I need to do to help it tick over I can do any time.

I think there are an awful lot of selfish parents out there, my own included. And cc is to benefit the mother, no one else. I also have an extremely supportive husband who is as against cc as I am, so I also have no pressure there.

 

[TTT]

I also think that if I did have to go back to work, I would find different alternatives for sleep and if I ever did cc it would be an absolute last resort, not the first thing I tried - which I do criticise!

I get very little sleep and it makes me.feel.physically poorly sometimes and I have considered asking my mum to come over and look after lo until midnight say. That would allow me and oh to sleep 8-12. We would then be able to take lo away in turns if needs be and still get enough sleep. And yes we go to bed at 8pm every night with lo.

 

[Baby2sky]

Good thread, i have lots of links saved to research journals which I would like to post when I get home later. I too am a gentle, evolutionary parent and have done lots of research after a poster on this very forum linked me to the information.

 

[Karenb]

Seriously?

 

[russellmuscle]

Aaaaaaaand the people who moaned about the other thread been hijacked and only caring about controlled crying advice have found their way over to this thread. Funny that isnt it?

I dont think people know the correct meaning of trolling. The people mentioning breast and formula feeding in a CC thread as a dig is whats called flaming. Which is against forum rules. Participating in an argument on another thread then following that argument to another is also called trolling or flaming...

In*Internet slang, a*troll*(/ˈtroʊl/,*/ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory,[1]extraneous, or*off-topic*messages in an online community (such as a*newsgroup, forum,*chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an*emotional*response[2]*or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion,[3]often for their own amusement.

Cant win, they dont want you in their thread but your not allowed your own.

I really dont understand peoples game these day. I thought mass majority commented on the FOR CC thread because they tried it? Why then comment on the AGAINST? TTT hasnt slagged off any ones parenting skills.

If you dont like the opionion dont read it? People must be sitting at home itching for an argument over whether they let their baby cry. Ive already expressed my opinion. Babies shouldnt be left to cry, its cruel. But guess what its not my child being ignored at night so I really couldnt care

xxx

 

[Baby2sky]

Heres some of the research I found really helpful.

[1] Porges.S.W. Physiological regulation in high-risk infants: a model for assessment and potential intervention. Development and Psychopathology 1996; 8: 43-58 (Note: This is not just an article on high-risk infants, but rather elaborates a model for all infants with a focus on how to identify high-risk ones.)

[2] Eisenberg N, Spinrad TL. Emotion-related regulation: Sharpening the definition. Child Development 2004; 75: 334-9.

[3] Campos JT, Frankel CB, Camras L. On the nature of emotion regulation. Child Development 2004; 75: 377-94.

[4] Rothbart MK, Ziaie H, & O’Boyle CG. Self-regulation and emotion in infancy. In N. Eisenberg & R.A. Fabes (Eds.) Emotion and its regulation in early development: New directions for child development, No. 55: The Jossey-Bass education series (1992) (pp. 7-23). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.

[5] Stifter CA, Spinrad TL. The effect of excessive crying on the development of emotion regulation. Infancy 2002; 3: 133-52.

[6] Calkins SD, Dedmon SE, Gill KL, Lomax LE, Johnson LM. Frustration in infancy: implications for emotion regulation, physiological processes, and temperament. Infancy 2002; 3: 175-97.

[7] Kopp C. Regulation of distress and negative emotions: a developmental perspective. Developmental Psychology 1989; 25: 343-54.

[8] Stifler CA, Braungart JM. The regulation of negative reactivity: Function and development. Developmental Psychology 1995; 38: 448-55.

[9] Middlemiss W, Granger DA, Goldberg WA, Nathans L. Asynchrony of mother-infant hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis activity following extinction of infant crying responses induced during the transition to sleep. Early Human Development 2012; 88: 227-32.

[10] Gunnar MR, Donzella B. Social regulation of the cortisol levels in early human development. Psychoneuroendocrinology 2002; 27: 199-220.

[11] Loutzenhiser L, Hoffman J, Beatch J. Parental perceptions of the effectiveness of gradual extinction in reducing infant night-wakings. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology 2014; dx.doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2014.910864

 

[TTT]

I work with dogs and funnily enough this amazing article has just popped up in my news feed. Some people dismiss neuro science based psychology because a lot of studies are done on rats. Well this article explains why they use rats and why you shouldn't dismiss that.

http://www.simplybehaviour.com/letting-dog-cry-cause-permanent-damage/

"too much free cortisol is a bad thing for learning, immunity, behaviour responses, health and so on."

 

[russellmuscle]

Rats have a similar genetic make up to humans if I am thinking right?

Ive worked in neuroscience for a couple years and obviously do take intrest in studies. The human brain is fascinating.

Not sure why people dont credit rats as subjects, its what we use to test most things we use today including health and beauty products!!

xxx

 

[Baby2sky]

Thats an amazing article. I especially liked this "Dogs are not trying to manipulate you with their crying, they have not sat down and drawn up plans to try and control you so their every basic need is met. Surely, with the new evidence brought into the light, they have EVERY right to have their basic needs met. Afterall you make the decision to be in charge of their basic needs when you get a dog. Think how frightening it must be to place that amount of trust on someone (for them and YOU)? How scary would it be, to express yourself and get ignored? How do you feel when your needs are not met? What do you do?


I think this sums up on a personal level why I am against cc, never mind all the science against it too! A baby cant walk, talk, feed itself etc.. Yet somehow it is manipulating us into "giving in" and getting his own way? The baby is crying because he needs something from his caregivers. We need to address those issues, none of which can be solved by letting a baby cry.

 

[TTT]

My thoughts exactly baby2sky!! Babies do not have the brain skills to manipulate us or even the desire to. All they know.is that they have needs and a mother who should meet their needs, physically and emotionally. I don't know why that's difficult understand or how it can be argued against.

Someone on here said they didn't listen to neuroscience recently on another thread about cc that turned a bit sour because studies were done on rats. Can you imagine the uproar though if we used babies to study neuroscience with?? Yet people freely use cc without even questioning the potential damage they could do to their own child. It breaks my heart in all.honesty and I just dont get it. Why have a child?

 

[russellmuscle]

Maybe Im just a pussy I cant even lock my cats out and hear them cry without running to them.

Jackson as a child isnt particularly spoiled now, at 3 I can tell an insignificant wine as a tantrum and when he genuinely needs help but I think although we know our baby ques, its not a direct comminucation from the brain we know.

J also didnt cry alot as a baby but he has a couple times recently woke crying and I go in comfort him and reassure him and tell him everything will be ok, give him his night light and he understands? New borns, or non communicating babies dont know why their being left, when mummy will come back.

Even watching it on a wildlife programe is awful (extreme I know) little tigers just lying crying for mum for ages. Goodness knows the dispair they feel

xxx

 

[T84]

Excellent idea! Rant away ladies and let poor Karen have her thread back

 

[Wobbles]

I've created this thread so people can express their opinions against controlled crying without hijacking someone else's thread, to allow us to have a voice without being called trolls. If people cant accept that others have a differing opinion, don't come on a forum as that's what forums are for!

No it's NOT what PG forum is for.

A reminder of the rules:

1. Rudeness, flaming or trolling is not tolerated on, or about the Web Site, or its members. Any member who is intentionally disruptive may have their account restricted or banned without warning.
2. Antisocial, discriminatory or offensive messages (intended or otherwise) aimed at the community at large, certain demographics (including parenting styles) or specific members, are not permitted.

This kind of forum activity will NOT be tolerated. I have already disabled 2 accounts in this last half hour for review this has been close to making yours the 3rd.


An infraction will be issued to your account and any future threads created to troll/flame the forum/it's members will result in an instant ban without further warning.