A mixed up kinda day

[Happybunny]

Hello, (forginve typos and/or spelling...am a little tiddly )
Just hought I would rabbit on about today because I have been in the pits of despair and then euphoric happiness within a few hours...weird!

We were due to go to some friend's engagement party tonight. It would be the first big gathering of all my mates since I mc, most know so not a problem there....but another friend had a baby just 8 weeks ago and they haven't seem him since then. For some reason I just got really upset this afternoon, worrying about not being able to contain my emotions when people were congratulation my friend. I didn't want to look silly or cause embarrassment for my mates.

This afternoon, at home, I got really really sad. I was crying so much that it physically hurt and I honestly felt as if I could have taken a whole box of Seroxat (happy pills) and not woken up again. I felt such a failure for not being able to hold on to my two babies...other people on this forum must know what I mean....you feel as though you are not quite a woman. I felt so frustrated at wanting to go to the party, but being restricted by the fact that I can't control my feelings. I told OH that I wasn't going.

He was sooo sweet and spent about 2 hours convincing me that I could do this and I shouldn't feel ashamed.

I very reluctantly donned my glad rags and went out.

Here is the funny thing...I had the best time I have had in absolutely ages! I drank copius amounts of G&T (haven't drank since Novemeber) and danced till I dropped. Then I got on the 'clubbing' bus and went to a stomping rock club in Newcastle. I had a brilliant time...it made me feel young again! I really did enjoy myself...it was as if I had danced my blues away (as some song goes )

I really didn't think I was going to get through it...but I did and it was great!!!

It has made me remember all the fun OH and I had when we first dated and went to loads of clubs together.....may have to start going again and forget about hitting 30!

M
x

 

[tracey 2]

michelle

Ok firstly well done for going in the end it was such a brave and strong thing you did, and i for one am proud of you, im glad you talked it over with your partner as well. Now i hope you behaved yourself and didnt cause any nuisance il be checking the news

Seriously hun im sorry you went through such a rough day and i wish there was something i could do to bring your angels back to you but they are watching over you giving you all the strength you will ever need.

Its slightly different but when i had my first m/c my supervisor at work was just going on maternity leave it didnt hit me that hard cos when i came back she left, now this time when i go back to work my supervisor comes back that week as well with her baby who will be in the room next door, i dont know how that will affect me yet but im trying not to think about it.

But hun we are not failures for not holding our angels we have given others in heven our precious angels to look after for us until our time is up and not before ok!!!!

Im so sorry your still hurting like this hun i really am and hope you have made some sense of what iv written. Please talk to me if you need to either PM me or ring or text anytime hun.

P.S- iv PM'ed you hun

 

[Fingers crossed]

I'm glad you had a good time . There's nothing to be ashamed about, I've not gone through a MC so I can only imagine what you went through.

 

[kimisgirl]

Oh sweetie, I'm glad you had a great night out and I'm soooo jealous, Can't remember the last time I went to a good rock club *sigh*.

You've passed another mile stone in your journey now hun, so be proud of yourself for what you've achieved emotionally. It's so easy for us to think that having a m/c is really no big deal because 'thousands' of women go through it every day. Yes that's true but not all of them are able to deal with it and get on with lives.

We are all very lucky to have like minded people on here to help us through and remind us all how special we are and how fantastic we are.

( Christ listen to me ..... sorry having an emotional day today )

on another note I hope you have a stonking hangover this morning

 

[Happybunny]

Morning!

Thanks for your messages...I can't believe I got in and first thing I did was come on the forum....that must show how addicted I am!

Hangover not too bad this morning...a little shaky, but McDonald's scrambled eggs and hash browns ALWAYS make you feel loads better!!

I can really appreciate how you feel Tracey...it seems as though we can never get away from other people's happy news (I am geniunely happy for my friends and family that have babies...but itstill stings a bit). The key has to be getting used to the fact that people will have babies...we can't hide...we just got to control our feelings and move on....easier said than done some days though.

Well sending a big happy, beautiful blue sky day smile to everyone because today is a lovely day and you all deserve a wee smile!

M
xxx

 

[tracey 2]

im glad your ok hun, look after yourself ok

 

[fynemum]

Aw 'm'
Good for you Sweetie, I am glad you had a lovely time, And you are not a failure doll, none of us are, we just feel that way when we feel so so sad.
I Know you will have a babe in arms soon and all this hurt will just be a sad memory...... Maybe a few more nights out like your last one is needed to help you back onto the fit, happy and healthy track. Just because we have lost, doesn't mean that we will never have again
here's to lots more fun nights out, blue skies and sunshine times for you

P.S. 30 eh?? wow, wish i was turning 30 again.. Am a young 37 this year, OH is 47 eek ! Lv Yvonne xx