A Fathers point of view of being pregnant *warning - very upsetting story*

[Maybe_mummy]

Wow, what you have seen must be absolutely terrible, I suppose its something that you expect nurses and doctors to see most days but not porters. I think in your situatuon I would feel exactly the same as you and its a vision that you cant get out of your head and the fact your wife will be in a similar situation must be very scary indeed.

I think you need to remind yourself firstly that your wife is not Sofie and I pressume she dosent use drugs, what happened was something Im pressuming rightly or wrongly dosent happen often and your wife and child will have a positive experience of childbirth. The nightmares will continue as your anxiety of the birth grows closer.

The best thing you have done is by writing it down and letting it out, (dont worry about posting in the wrong section Im sure people can see you didnt not geniunely mean to upset anyone) if the nightmares continue then if you feel you dont want to burden your wife then maybe you need to speak to someone, its almost as if you need to grieve too. You didnt know them but it dosent stop you from caring. Its not a weakness in my eyes to see a man cry or talk about how hes feeling cos Im sure if your wife knew you were felling this way she would do everything in her power to make you feel better and take it away! If you have a friend or family memeber you feel like you can talk too then maybe do or outside of that perhaps you need to speak to a proffesional and see if they can help you gain some closure on it all.

Which ever way you turn Mike, people on here are there to support you and give you a virtual shoulder, and shortly it will be your turn to post in the birth announcement section that your beautfiul baby has arrived safe and well and both baby and mummy and doing well. All the best.

 

[Sam's Mum]

I know that getting old feeling! I'm 32 in a couple of weeks and still feel like I've just left school and should be far too tyoung for this grown up life with kids and my own business...it's all just appeared from nowhere!

Please don't feel bad for posting - we are a support forum and here to talk each other through any worries that we might have - it's my fault for not moving it last night, as it was just better in here than in 3rd tri...I didn't mean for a second that you shouldn't have posted. I know what you mean about finding it easier to write everything out to people you don't know instead of speaking to someone too. I have friends who have been surprised at how good counselling has been for them but I'm not sure it's somethind I'd feel comfortable doing myself. Have you and Ellie got any music planned for the birth or anything? How about shutting yourself away for a few minutes whenever you get the chance, listening to some of your favourite music - which you could take into the hospital with you - and thinking through the perfect birth and how you want things to be...get that image stuck in your mind and focus on how things should be? x

 

[Mike]

Maybe Mummy.........anouncment section, here we come. cant wait. and thanks for your input. its always nice to see that im not the only one that would feel the way i feel.

Sams mum.........I think i love you. lol. Your bloody brilliant.
Everything you have said has helped me. might not seem like it to anyone reading but, theres things that you have said that has just clicked and made me think of things a little bit different.

Yeh, I will try sorting some music out. just sit down for a few hours and relax. im way too stressed, i know.


Thanks

Well its now 5am in morning. just woke up from another dream. woke ellie when i jumped up in bed when i woke up and now we cant sleep. so i think i will take her to maccie D's for a early breakie.

Morning all.

All in all tho, honestly, should i explain all this to ellie or not. I dont want to worry her so close to her due date. might not seem close to some but 3rd time lucky this is the closest we got during the 3 pregnancies.

 

[Sam's Mum]

Glad I could help, and sorry you had another bad night I'm honestly not sure if you should talk to Ellie about it or not - she may have noticed that you haven't been yourself and if she has there may be all sorts of things going through her mind, even if she knows how happy you are that you're going to be a dad - pregnancy hormones do all sorts of things to us! I don't think you should be trying to deal with it all on your own, but I don't think you should tell her all the details right now. Maybe if you tell her that something happened while you were working that you can't get out of your mind, and maybe together you could spend some time talking through how Alfie's birth is going to be x

 

[Rósa]

Won't ellie see this thread if she logs on?

P.s Sams Mum please can u edit the title so view is spelt correctly , its my hormones and everything little thing irritates me atm sorry

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

Sorry for you witnessing this incident, It's not something anyone should witness, but of course doctors, nurses, midwives, surgeons etc witness it every day. What I'm about to say may come across as a bit harsh but I simply don't believe in others blaming themselves for no fault of their own. She was a drug abuser, I myself have taken drugs in the past.. it is nothing to be proud of, nor is it safe. I suffered with severe anxiety and a hell of a lot of nightmares after taking drugs, my fault so I don't ask for any sympathy from any one about it. I'm very religious so I know God has forgiven her for what happened, although may not have been her fault because she could have had a tragic upbringing or bad experiences in her life, but it wasn't your fault and there's nothing you could have done to save her life that night. I think she would have had a perfectly normal birth if she hadn't of been a drug abuser. It's like a long-term smoker.. their life probably ended in lung cancer and all sorts. We all have control of our lives, whether we believe in fate or not. I agree with Sam's mum.. I think it's something you should talk to Ellie about, maybe not in those exact words, and maybe not at this moment in time, but it's something you should definitely talk to her about. I would talk to my partner about such things, and believe me, he's my absolute everything. I can't imagine my life without him.

This is definitely an experience you need to move on from.
It may seem hard right now but you can't live the rest of your life or this pregnancy living on the edge.
You have to speak to somebody about it and posting this here is a great start.
And don't worry about posting this, I truly believe that all good and bad stories should be shared on this forum, because we all go through the good and the bad ourselves. We shouldn't dare steer away from the bad hoping it doesn't get to us, we've all experienced it, nobody is any different.

Congratulations on yours and Ellie's pregnancy and I wish you all the best with the birth and the little one!
You should count yourselves extremely lucky.

 

[cosmicgirl]

Whoooa that's a heavy story, I found that really uncomfortable to read, but agree with above really. As sad as it is, drug abusers often die tragically and as a health professional myself, I have witnessed first hand the damage done to children due to drug abuse in pregnancy.

 

[Skysara]

A bit of a warning might have been nice on this post!!

I am sorry, Was not thinking correctly when i set the post up. Please forgive me.

No worries, Im just about to have my first so a bit sensitive, no harm done. What you need to do is when you think of the awful experience just let it float away from you each time and replace it with a positive thought. If you can train yourself to do this it should help. Awful things do happen and to pretend they don't is silly, but try to remember this girl was not typical of loads of us on here who have looked after ourselves and done everything they can to bring a healthy baby into the world (((hug)))

 

[LouiseB]

My brother is a porter and he had the shock of his life when he saw one of his old school mates in the morgue...

I can't imagine how horrible your experience was, but you need to find a way to disconnect yourself from it because it isn't healthy to feel so haunted.

I'm sure you wife knows exactly how mcuh you love her and nowadays these things are unheard of happening under normal circumstances because the mothers are constantly monitored.

Maybe you could pull some strings and get in on some real life births in normal circumstances to help to see the flip side

 

[Mike]

My brother is a porter and he had the shock of his life when he saw one of his old school mates in the morgue...

I can't imagine how horrible your experience was, but you need to find a way to disconnect yourself from it because it isn't healthy to feel so haunted.

I'm sure you wife knows exactly how mcuh you love her and nowadays these things are unheard of happening under normal circumstances because the mothers are constantly monitored.

Maybe you could pull some strings and get in on some real life births in normal circumstances to help to see the flip side

I thought of doing that. i know a few ppl up in labour ward. but i doubt if a lady in labour is going to want a random stranger watching her foo foo while she is giving birth, lol.

Its not so bad anymore. im not dreaming it everynight anymore. My wife clocked on to my worries and force me to tell her. so all i done was loaded up the forum and she read through it all. she has been very understanding and shes brilliant. she said she couldnt understand fully what i was worrying about but no one can unless you have been in that situation.

anyways all is going well. im starting to worry less. i have been doing everything i can during the day so that i can knacker my self out so i will sleep better. working so far.

Thanks for all your support and advice.
Love you all
x
x

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Glad your feeling better Mike! I bet it feels like a huge weights been lifted talking to your wife and if you need to talk we're here too

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better and sleeping better, and that you've told Ellie why you've been so worried. I hope things keep getting easier for you x

 

[ema-lou24]

What an awful experience you've had! I'm so sorry, but u have spoken about it here, (which is what we are here for) and most importantly, u have spoken to Ellie about it too.
I hope you two can be totally open about fears etc, pregnancy is a scary thing both for men and women. Be open with each other.
I never spoke my fears when I was pregnant with my son, and over the years we ended up splitting up, so please please be open

Don't worry about posting in the wrong section, u are a newbie people should understand that.

I can't wait to see pics and your announcement of little Alfie.....and both happy and healthy parents xx

 

[Mike]

things seem to be going ok now. she knows all about it, and i am just kepping busy to tire myself out. plus my strong painkillers for my back drunk with a glass of brandy helps. (hee hee)

Little alfie is nearly here. about 10 weeks now. cant wait. !!!!!

 

[Taassh_0x]

What a heart braking story, I must say though you've got one week to go and Alfie's due date is a day before my birthday, his a Taurus.... Strong like a bull. (Sorry little bit of humor there, hope it made you smile lol) They do say, the nightmares you have means your going to have a quick easy labour =) Good luck to you and your wife x

 

[Mike]

What a heart braking story, I must say though you've got one week to go and Alfie's due date is a day before my birthday, his a Taurus.... Strong like a bull. (Sorry little bit of humor there, hope it made you smile lol) They do say, the nightmares you have means your going to have a quick easy labour =) Good luck to you and your wife x

hhhhmmmmm well hopefully but we are never that lucky. will most likely be anything but quick and easy, lol. as long as he is unharmed and the gorgeous little heartbreaker im hoping for then we will be happy.


5DAYS TO GO!!!!!

 

[Taassh_0x]

Ohhh any time now then! Good luck and I'm sure all will be fine!! xx