7 months TTC and can’t put life on hold

[Barley]

Hi all

I feel this is a safe space to discuss this as I am sure you are all desperate to have a child as much as I am! Apologies, it has turned into quite the essay!

We’ve been TTC for 7 months with no luck whatsoever. We decided to start TTC before we got engaged (been together 12 years), but then he popped the question. Ideally I’d have got pregnant quickly and we would then have planned the wedding once the baby arrived. However, we’ve decided to start planning the wedding as we can’t keep life on hold just waiting. I feel like wedding planning will take the pressure off TTC as it’ll give me something else to focus on, which in turn might make it happen quicker as I’ll be less stressed.

My fiancé pointed out that if I was to get pregnant within the next couple of months I would be 7-8 months pregnant on our wedding day (we are going for February as it’s so much cheaper). This in itself doesn’t bother me, but looking at other forums, people have been told they’re being silly and should postpone the wedding or TTC and not do both.

I’ve had problems with depression and anxiety, but have reduced my dose of meds as TTC, so really need to try and keep on top of my well-being. The negative test each month really gets me down. I don’t want to stop TTC, but I think going forward with the wedding is something lovely and positive I can focus on.

Am I being a bit silly? From a practical point of view, has anyone done this? What did you do about finding/altering a dress?!

 

[WinterWolf]

When I hit 8 months TTC I got fed up too, I decided I'm not putting my life on hold either, and I booked a holiday for 7 months down the line. Well, two weeks after booking the holiday I got my BFP. Now I'll be 30 weeks pregnant when that holiday comes around. What are the odds huh? I'll have to cancel it as it requires a long-haul flight.

My point is that even though I'll lose some money, I don't regret booking it. You need something to look forward to as babies are not a guarantee and life must go on. You need other things to focus on as well or TTC can become a bit all-consuming. I say move forward with the wedding and TTC. Just make sure you don't order a dress until closer to the date, just in case.

 

[Maximus17]

Hiya my advice don’t put anything on hold. I also put it on hold for months and nothing happened. I got my bfp last month than I was thinking oh I would be 7months pregnant for my holiday but boom lost the baby so no no way don’t wait for a baby. Just think if it happens like the other poster said you can cancel/alter. But if you put it on hold you never do anything. We are trying again after the loss and I am not waiting for a baby. Just live your life as I wasted nearly a year like this x

 

[EmmaN27]

I agree with the other ladies, don't put anything hold. You have a wonderful wedding to look forward to, and if in that time you get your BFP, then amazing, another thing to look forward to.

 

[Rainbow1234]

I was TTC my daughter for nearly a year after 2 mcs and I was consumed by it. I thought about it all the time. Then one month my gran (who I adore) died and I was distracted and I got pregnant that very month. I really think stressing over it too much can be detrimental.

I booked my wedding in Jan for August this year. TTC wasn’t on our minds and I stupidly assumed it would take a lot of effort this time. Well 6 weeks before I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. On the face of it it doesn’t seem ideal but actually it doesn’t change anything! Book your wedding and if you get pregnant it’s just an added bonus. Don’t worry what anyone else thinks x

 

[MoominGirl]

Agree with everyone else. Don't put your life on hold. We were trying for 3 years in the end and I finally got to a point where I just couldn't be consumed by it anymore. I just wish I'd realised that sooner. Anything that I wasn't prepared to lose out on financially, I didn't book more than 6 months in advance. The only exception I made was when we thought we'd be going for IVF, I cleared the diary so we could give it our all. As it was a specific goal, I felt that was reasonable.

As for the wedding, I think it depends on what you have in mind. If I knew I'd been ready to pop on the big day, I'd happily make adjustments and it wouldn't have changed anything for me. If you do think it's an issue then you could take a break just for the next month or 2? That way you could just plan the wedding and know that you won't be at bursting point but also not step away from TTC completely as you're quite right that wedding plans might take your mind off it in a good way. I definitely don't think it needs to be a straight one or the other.

 

[1sttimer]

I agree with everyone else - I have learnt the hard way what it means to put your life on hold and as a result have lost the whole of the first half of my 30's to it. I didnt change jobs, move house etc etc. I waited til the last minute to book holidays 'just in case' and it's just a total waste of time. Now I'm doing all of that despite our ongoing dramas. Life must go on...like everyone says, it might even be a sure way to make sure something does happen haha! And if it does take a few months, the most important thing is that you carry on enjoying life in the meantime x Good luck with it all, and congrats on the engagement! x

 

[kristenann]

Its difficult, i think to be pregnant and have your child there in a way on your wedding day is perfect and what i originally wanted to do