5 months pregnant and husband leaving :(

[Jenbob]

So... I used to post on here a lot when I had my first... I'm now 23 weeks with second (due in April). I haven't posted much this time round as just busy with life and a toddler but do read other posts a lot for info and to see how others are doing.

However I feel like I'm suddenly about to become a more active user again. My husband (who I only married in July by the way!!) has decided he wants to be single and can't really say he loves me anymore - he's not openly said he doesn't love me but at the same time won't say he does. I could tell he's been off for a few months and I've been trying so hard to make things good again but he's obviously just not wanting to try.

I'm absolutely devastated and just feel so lost. He's been supportive in that he will be there for us all but obviously that's not really what I want as I love him still. Just feel awful at the moment and keep thinking about him potentially going out now, meeting new women etc while I'm sat here pregnant. He's reassured me he just wants to be alone for a while (he's a massive computer gamer so can honestly just see him doing that), but I just can't see how I will cope with a toddler and a newborn while I still miss and love my husband

Just wanted to know if anyone else has been through anything similar and if there's light at the end of the tunnel. Xx

 

[Selina13]

Oh honey sounds really crappy. Sending a huge hug to you. X

Just wondering if your husband is feeling a little bit overwhelmed at the thought of another baby at this time or if there is something else bothering him? Not wanting to pander to him but as you say you still love him and he hasnt indicated that he has met someone else or theres anything specific that is an issue, it might be worth having a long chat and seeing if you can get to the bottom of whats going on? Xxxx

 

[Surveyor]

Lord it sounds like you've suddenly been dropped into an extremely stressfull situation. My heart breaks for you girl, it must be a confusing time. Could be a reaction to being overwhelmed like Selina says. Has he ever been like this before or is it completely out of the blue?

-Sev

 

[Elven]

I honestly don't know what to say, what an awful situation to be in. :/ Hopefully he is just overwhelmed and will get his head around the situation, but I can't imagine how horrible you must feel in the meantime. Sending lots of hugs your way.

 

[GBLiz]

ditto the above. What a horrible situation! How cowardly to back out right after marrying you and creating a baby with you. Was the pregnancy planned?

 

[KHTW]

I am so sorry you have been put in this situation. I really hope that some time apart will make him miss you and his family and that he comes to his senses. Overwhelmed or not there is no excuse for causing you so much stress... especially now when you carry his child! Sending hugs xx

 

[Jenbob]

Thank you - sorry just been finding it so hard at the mo.
Pregnancy was planned, everything was planned really!! It just makes no sense at all I'm praying he changes his mind the more time goes on the more I think is there someone else as it's so sudden. I knew he was off with me and seemed unhappy but I tried a lot but never expected him to go. He says there is no one but what can I do? Feel like I want to ask to see his messages when he comes round to see our son one time but don't know if that's pushing it too much..

 

[Surveyor]

I would not ask to see his messages as it can do a lot more harm than good, if he is going to leave because he has been unfaithful it is less messy if he takes initiative himself. You shouldn't have to be a private investigator, you already have enough of a job raising his son. Your son deserves good, dignified, role models for both of you. If your husband says he doesn't love you and wants to be single then he has said his part and must live with the consequences of his actions.

Would you take him back if there was someone else?

If the answer is no the outcome would be the same if you check his messages or not since he is currently living a single life away from you anyways. This sounds like a really tough situation, I hope for the sake of all of you that this is just a phase your husband is going through. However you must prepare as if this is the real deal, maybe go to family therapy?

Sending you warmth and good vibes.

-Sev

 

[Lolie14]

I'm so very sorry to read this, you really don't need this emotional stress and worry.

Have you asked him if there is someone else?

What was he like before you guys got married?

 

[Loopylou1980]

So so sorry what an awful situation you find yourself in, It is not right to leave you & your son like his even if he is feeling overwhelmed we are all overwhelmed at times by change it doesnt mean that you run off you face it together. You say he`s been off with you probley because he`s been planning to do this i wouldnt believe that there is nobody else on the scene he`s propley trying to keep one foot in the door in case it doesnt work out the way he thinks. Any man that can treat you like this doesnt deserve you, My advice is to pick yourself up, dust yourself down & just do what you need to do for yourself, your son & your newborn when they arrive, You are stronger than you think you are, Good Luck XxX

 

[JustTrying]

Thank you - sorry just been finding it so hard at the mo.
Pregnancy was planned, everything was planned really!! It just makes no sense at all I'm praying he changes his mind the more time goes on the more I think is there someone else as it's so sudden. I knew he was off with me and seemed unhappy but I tried a lot but never expected him to go. He says there is no one but what can I do? Feel like I want to ask to see his messages when he comes round to see our son one time but don't know if that's pushing it too much..

hun, do whatever you can that gives you peace of mind. There is no right or wrong. However he probably won't show you his messages, and that will probably incite more doubt in your mind, so think about it.

As for anyone else experiencing what you are going through, yes I am going through something similiar but don't want to discuss it openly. You are free to message me if you want someone to talk to.

I won't allow anyone to bring me down or stop enjoying my pregnancy because I am very very positive. Ofcourse there is sadness, regret and fear for whats to come but Im more hopeful than anything.

 

[Sendinglove]

Oh hun sending lots of hugs to you! He should bloody well know better than to walk out while youre pregnant putting stress on you and the baby! I think it def sounds like either a freak out about another baby or another woman. I don't think someone would marry and try for a baby with someone to then just decide its not what they want out the blue but then again i dont know him.

I went through something similar last pregnancy,my hubby decided to drop a load of bombshells about cheating on me a few times earlier in our relationship (wed been together 13 years) when i was 7 months pregnant. He sort of went off the rails a bit overcome with guilt i suppose and put me under a lot of stress and said he didn't love me anymore at one point. It was very on and off right up to delivery. I was ok to forgive the mistakes as they were literally 10+ years ago but it took a long time to forgive him putting me in that situation while pregnant. He ended up seeing the doctor and getting on antidepressants and counciling and managed to get over his past and move forward eventually and now two years on were as happy as can be,hes off the tablets and were expecting our second. I guess what im saying is it could just be a bit of a breakdown worrying about it all and maybe if hell chat to you about it things might become clearer and perhaps there is an underlying reason why he's suddenly changed.

If he genuinely means he just wants out then he doesn't deserve you and as hard as it will be,you'll be better on your own and it saves you wasting time on someone who doeent feel the same. Its scary now but you will be ok! Do you have good support from friends/family? Really hope youre ok,its the last thing you need right now. Sending love xx

 

[kirlou92]

So sorry to hear what you're going through at the moment! I haven't gone through anything like that before so I can't offer advice but it just seems so so unfair and selfish of him to do what he's done to you. I really hope you get to the bottom of it and at least find out why so you can get closure on the situation. If it was me, I would want to know exactly why and what's happened just because I'm the type of person who dwells on things and it would give me anxiety not knowing. Sending you a hug