30 weeks and feeling depressed

[MrsHills]

Hi guys,
Sorry I don't know if this is the right place to be writing this I just need someone to talk to......
I am 30 weeks pregnant and for the past 2 months I have been feeling really down and all I seem to do is cry. I know that it is normal to be tearful when you are pregnant but its literally all the time. I lost my mum when I was 9 years old and I feel like I cant really speak to anyone else about this apart from my husband.
It first started a couple of months ago, I was working in a pub where my 'stepmum' also started working after me, as soon as I got pregnant she started giving me greif saying that I was taking too much time off for hospital appointments (I'm high risk so have had a lot) and generally trying to make me feel guilty about the whole thing, she is also very jealous of my mother in law as we are really close so I cant do anything with her without my stepmum kicking off. Then long story cut short the final straw for me was that she came into the pub one day when I was working and came behind the bar and got in my face trying to intimidate me.
Knowone was there at the time so it was my word against hers, I told my bosses but nothing was done about it and they still expected me to work with her, so in the end I felt like I had no other choice but to leave my job, which I was devastated about.
Ever since then I have been feeling really down, going from such a social job to then sitting at home by myself most days is a shock tot he system! Knowone ever comes to see me, and I find myself just doing house work all day waiting for my husband to get home! I feel like this has really affected me and my mental state! I cry every day pretty much!
There are also other things that are getting me down too........
I have put on so much weight being pregnant, I feel so unattractive and discusting, I don't feel like my husband is attracted to me anymore, I ask him and of coarse he says he is but I don't feel like he is! We havnt had sex in months!
I don't know just at the moment I feel like I don't have much of a purpose apart from carrying around our little baby.
I know that should be enough, and of coarse I am really really excited about her arriving and I know my life is going to change for the better, I just cant help feeling down and lonely at the moment and its really getting to me! I talk to my husband about how I'm feeling all the time and he does what he can to make me feel better bless him but he doesn't understand why I'm so down when I should be excited about baby. I feel guilty I'm feeling this way.
I don't know if this just my hormones and I'm overthinking everything or If I should speak to my midwife about it at my next appointment? Sorry for the essay xx

 

[Dovekie]

Aww, it's understandable. I was sacked when I got pregnant and I ended up having a breakdown. You're lucky to have a supportive husband. I didn't, unfortunately. Can you spend more time out of the house with friends and family? Definitely mention this to your midwife as she'll want to keep an eye on you and might have some good advice. I got some counselling, although it took a while. There are also midwives that specialise in mental health (at least there was in my area).

Just a quick reply as baby is stirring!!

 

[MrsHills]

We literally just moved here a week ago so don't know the area or anyone in it just yet. Until I can get my driving done I have to rely on my husband to take me places or for people to come and see me which they don't very often do, I havnt got a great deal of friends tbh, and I have two sisters and a brother but of coarse they have their own families too.
Luckily I've got a few things to do this weekend so will feel a bit better, but come middle of next week ill be stuck in this rut again, iv got a midwife appointment on Tuesday so ill mention it to her then , just a bit nervous about what to say.
Hopefully my husband can come with me for support. Thanks for the reply
x

 

[firstfreakout]

Although I can't relate to some of what you've been through, I can relate to the feeling of loneliness and sadness you've said. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I work in a very emotionally and physically demanding job and I had to go on sick leave at 25 weeks due to back pain and struggling emotionally. I'm 31 weeks tomorrow and have been home since, going crazy with boredom and feeling alone. My partner works shift work and due to everything that's been going on in London, has been working longer hours and in sets of 7 shifts in a row, so I'm home alone a lot of the time. I don't have many friends and my sister is too selfish to want anything to do with me even though she lives 20 minutes away. My best friend lives on the other side of the city. Being cut off from my work friends and not having anything during the day to keep my mind busy is making my already existing anxiety and depression worse, so I completely understand how you're feeling in regards to that. And I know too well how it affects your mental state and feelings about being pregnant. I've sat here many times and gone FFS WHY AM I PREGNANT NOW DAMNIT and felt so alone in that feeling.

Definitely mention it to your midwife. If you're not sure what to say, you could always bring up this post while talking to her and pull from that, emphasising the constant crying and low feelings you're having. They're there to help, and may be able to refer you to talk to someone that might help. Maybe joining a pregnancy class in your area?

I have good days and bad days but I find that planning things to do helps, even if it's a to do list of go shopping, brush the cat, afternoon of drawing. It helps focus your day and take away the feeling of being cut off. If visiting your friends isn't an option, could you try calling or facetime/skype?

You know when you're stuck at work mid week and just sit there thinking "If I was at home right now I could be doing..."? Why don't you make a list of the things you wished you could do if you were home when you were at work? Like, finally watch Lilo and Stitch, or spend the day sitting in your pants knitting, or finally clean behind the bed?

We're so close to having our kiddos here to keep us company and on our toes, but definitely mention it to the midwife and see if there's anything they can do or suggest in regards to support, as you don't want the feeling to get worse when the baby is here.

x