2 year old hitting .. Help !!

[queenriccy]

This is my last resort , I really don't know what else to do,
Only has hit other kids for about 8/9 month now, he pushes them or hits them in the face, usually over a toy. I tell him off and make him say sorry and let him get back to playing. Now I'm finding he is targeting the same kids, every playgroup I'm having to apologise to to their parents all the time for his behaviour. Now Iv tried every thing, telling him off, ignoring him and focusing on the other kid, time out, taking him home. Nothing is working, he is still doing it. Today we went for a pub lunch with the other mums and the kids were all playing lovely until another boy came (it's only boys he hits) and he pushed him once so I warned him if he did it again no desert, he had time out for 3 minutes facing the wall away from the other kids. I let him go back to play and he did it again so I told him sternly that what he had done was wrong and he had hurt the boy, and now we were leaving and he wasn't getting an ice cream. He howled all the way home in the car, crying that he wanted his ice cream. He kept repeating that he had been a naughty boy and he had hurt Evan.

I rang my mam when I got home for some advice and she basically told me to let him get on with it, he is only 25 months and he is learning. I know that, I read it so many times on google it's tattooed into my brain !! But he shouldn't be doing it and it's starting to get embarrassing. One mum today wouldn't let her son out the highchair to play because we were there and Olly has targeted him before. I just don't know what else to try, I'm starting to think we should just stay in and not go to any playgroups.

I watch him play and he plays with other kids so nice, and then he just lashes out for no reason at all. Will hit their face, throw a toy at their head or push them over. And it's always boys and always kids smaller than him.

I know it's a developmental stage and he will grow out of it but I don't see anybody else's kids doing the same.

The way he talks to me after doing it makes me think he knows what he has done and that it is wrong but Iv got my mam telling me he won't understand and he is too young.

Please somebody give me some advice before I become a hermit

Xx

 

[Rooster30]

Sorry, no advic but will be reading and following this post. Thank goodness, my son does not hit other children, but he does hit me and his daddy and nothing is working to stop it happening

 

[russellmuscle]

Awk hun, not a good situ, Ive been here once before so I can imagine what Id feel like had it been a repeat occurence. Jackson bit a wee girl in nursery as they were "fighting over a toy" I had to sign a wee form and I felt rotten thinking those parents of the girl will be curing me upside down.

I dont have any other wee ones, so he didnt pick up the biting behaviour at home. He has only did it the once thankfully. But if a behaviour issue was really arising I think Id ask a HV. Its always easy to say a child is learning, quite often its just because theyr frustrated at perhaps not being able to express themselves and mainly a learning curve, however some kids do hit and have bad behaviour for a reason.

Given this if it was something that was reoccuring after exploring all general discipline avenues, Id see a HV about your concerns.

Also, can I ask is he in nursery? or a more regular play group. Perhaps hes not quite sure the rules of play time, if he is only getting a certain amount of stimulation perhaps?

xxxx

 

[Holi]

How awful - no advice really as I have a timid little girl who wouldn't hurt a fly, but breaks down into hysterics if someone so much as looks at her the wrong way! I do think it's definitely an age thing and he will grow out of it - and although I don't want you hiding away until this happens I would try and avoid certain kids that you know he has an issue with for a couple of weeks/ a month and see if distance helps? In that time he might understand more that hitting/pushing is wrong?

Sorry I can't help anymore but I just wanted to say there is nothing to be embarrassed about a lot of kids go through this phase xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

No advice either, but it must be horrid.

James is very gentle and has often been the target of other kids (normally girls lol). Seriously though coming from the other side I never take offence if a kid hits James - provided the carer deals with it appropriately - which it sounds as though you are.

Sorry I can't offer more insight but I don't agree with the advice to 'just let him get on with it' - not if it's one sided. I'm always grateful when a parent or carer comes to me if James gets hurt [which isn't as often as I've made it sound but he definitely does get a bit roughed up at one group we go to!]

What is he like with the kids he sees more regularly? Does he have cousins / relatives of a similar age he spends time with?

X

 

[Holi]

No advice either, but it must be horrid.

James is very gentle and has often been the target of other kids (normally girls lol). Seriously though coming from the other side I never take offence if a kid hits James - provided the carer deals with it appropriately - which it sounds as though you are.

Sorry I can't offer more insight

X

I agree - just seeing the parent/carer at least attempting to deal with the situation is all you could ask for and it sounds like your doing everything that I would think of doing!! Xx

 

[russellmuscle]

Some kids can be a bit rough, but I think alot of it does follow through on what us as parents do and alot of the time the "just leave them to it" is what gets your child into trouble, and maybe you in the future.

I hate soft play, I end up following JAckson around because alot of the parents leave their kids every man for themselve and basically sit reading.

xxxx

 

[queenriccy]

Thanks so much for your lovely replies.
We go to a group on a wed morning which we didn't go to today because he ended up scrapping with another boy last week over a bike, the lady who ran the group collared me after In front of other parents and made me feel shit. He goes to another group on Thursday afternoon and it is usually the same kids he ends up having out with, I always reprimand him in front of the parents but Iv had tuts and a few weeks ago a comment of ' he is just a very naughty boy' which broke my heart because he isn't naughty, far from it - he is so loving towards girls, family, he tells me and his dad and even the dog he loves them all them the time, he eats properly, sleeps well, says please and thank you, doesn't batter an eyelid getting his nappy changed or having a bath.
I don't know if my hormones are getting the better of me but I don't know which route to go down next.
He doesn't go to nursery because I'm a Sahm but we do something every day that involves others, soft play, swimming, park etc so he is always around other kids. We go to friends houses for play dates or lunches out

Xx

 

[russellmuscle]

My heart does go out to you. No mum wants to live in a world were people (adults in particular in this case) are having opinions like that.

Parents should know better that quite often kids do stuff way out of our control.

I would deffo speak to a HV or perhaps she might be able to refer you to someone who might be able to help. I would approach the nursery first in my case, as they see his behaviour day-to-day and other kids too.

Jackson dont get me wrong has been a bit more boystrous since turning two, but no violence, except sometimes he shouts NO!

Hopefully things get better for you. xxx

 

[MrsT2011]

Hugs Hun - being a mum is so hard. This may seem like a strange question but how's his speech?
B is a really gentle boy and very sensitive to others if they're upset BUT we have had a few instances of him pushing other children and when his speech therapist (he has a speech disorder but no other behavioural/learning disability) observed him at nursery she said the only time B gets upset or frustrated with others is if they disturb his play or won't share a toy with him and as he couldn't negotiate with them or explain he wanted a turn so physical communication was all he could use.
With some speech exercises we don't have this issue any more but he's also now 3 so developmental wise he's progressed more and he's ability to understand is great.
Have you noticed any triggers? I think not rewarding him with pudding was great and well done for sticking with it. Maybe look at reward charts - but keep it positive so rather than saying you get a sticker for not hitting you could say if you're a kind boy and make mummy happy you can have XYZ.

It's going to take time and patience to break the cycle and he is very young still but what's important is you're acting on it - other parents are quick to judge! X

 

[queenriccy]

His speech Is amazing for his age, we can communicate very easily and the things he doesn't know the words too he usually says the closest and I guess and he repeats me if I'm right. Iv not noticed any triggers at all which is why I'm so baffled, one second he is playing and sharing or running around with others chasing and the next second he will stop, turn round and just hit somebody in the face !!

I brought it up with the Hv when she came last month for his 2 year check and she told me to carry on with what I'm doing and eventually he will stop as its a development stage - she said it's very normal for it to happen in playtime as kids think everything is theirs. But it's not just at play, walked through a shop a few weeks ago he just lashed out at a kid in a pushchair as we were walking past either other. He does it if we go to the supermarket, if another kid goes past in a trolley he just hit the air and shout 'hit the boy' , when he does this I just ignore him.

Iv stopped him watching the minions movie, it was his favourite for ages, I noticed he was repeating some of the things they do to each other like jumping on each other and bashing each other over the head, he'd watched it that much he knew half the words. He jumped on a kid at soft play a few weeks back shouting 'wago' - which happens on the movie !! Iv stopped him play fighting with dad, Phil was letting him bash him and jump on his head - he was showing him boxing moves and Iv had to put my foot down firmly with that.

I don't want my baby to grow up a bully

Xx

 

[russellmuscle]

I would probably note down everything all his behaviour habbits for like a week then go back to HV. Sometimes they dnt quite get the severity of it. But if u come with a list they maybe take it a bit more serious. I get their side saying its normal but also understand it from a mums side amd how id feel. Plus if its something that he is struggling with this could be his way of lashing out.

Our checkup went well. She asked me a couple of ways how his behaviour was and how obident is he etc. It was a main focus. She gave me this sheet if u cant see it i can scan it and email it tmoz when im at work but its a wee info sheet. If u do and did everything on the sheet it gives to grounds to say its outwith the "normal" toddler behaviour.

Not all kids are the sme and they dnt all work by certain rules. But worth a read I guess

Xxxx

 

[queenriccy]

Aw thanks muscle that's really helpful. I'll have a read now,
Iv been agitated about it this afternoon and had to ring little Evans mam just to say sorry again and that it was on my mind.
She was lovely and told me she's been through it with her eldest and promised me it will get easier and that I'm doing everything right, I feel so much better now

Xx

 

[Kay Kay]

Hun, Matthew's behaviour has been quite bad lately too so you're not alone.

I don't know if you remember me saying about 6 months back he went through a stage of head butting other children and himself too. He would just whack his head off the floor or wall or whatever he could find! It was really distressing and went on for months. The advice I was given was after the first few times of telling him no, that's wrong, don't do that you ignore him and give the attention to the child he's hurt. Make a fuss and say 'oooh no are you ok' etc and just ignore your child. The idea being the attention they sought is being heaped on the other child and not them. I found it really difficult to do because your instinct is to say NO! STOP THAT! I did start to do it though and eventually he stopped.

His bad behaviour now flares up when we visit friends of mine with kids, which is maybe once or twice a week (Im part time so have Monday's and Tuesdays off). He thinks every toy is his and we're getting a lot of screaming ITS MINE! Total temper tantrums. It's so hard knowing what to do. I try not to raise my voice but it's hard!! I find ignoring him works best.

I do think it's more of a boy thing and agree with your HV that it's a normal stage of development, albeit a very hard one to get through. He will not grow up to be a bully, not with you as his mummy. So please don't worry! Other mums who haven't been through it can be judgemental and that's a tough one. I've been going to the same toddler group for almost a year and watched all the kids go through different stages. The same mums who glared at me when Matthew was head butting 6 months ago are now going through it with their Los. Karmas a bitch at times! But I sympathise with them and say look it's a phase and they'll cone out of it. And so will Olly hun xxx

 

[Kay Kay]

Aw thanks muscle that's really helpful. I'll have a read now,
Iv been agitated about it this afternoon and had to ring little Evans mam just to say sorry again and that it was on my mind.
She was lovely and told me she's been through it with her eldest and promised me it will get easier and that I'm doing everything right, I feel so much better now

Xx

Aww glad to hear it! xx

 

[Orion]

I'd be tempted to go to different play groups if you can. Change it up so he's not able to continually target the same kids.

Although it's just a phase many kids go through, and it's hard for you to see your son act this way, it must also be heartbreaking for the parents of the kids he's hurting over and over again.

Also - you say you do something every day that involves other kids. I'd also be tempted to have quiet days just the two of you. That doesn't mean staying home. Go for lunch together. Feed the ducks. It' might give you more chances to reward his good behaviour.

Good Luck with however you choose to handle it

 

[sunflower87]

I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old so I totally understand what you are going through. My two also like to hit out at each other, they do play nice sometimes and other times they are hitting each other over the head with a toy or not sharing. Its tough and my advice is to stay calm and take a step back and see it from a childs point of view, they might not grasp that they can't just hit out or snatch off another child, but you should get down beside your child, get them to focus on your eyes, hold their hands and tell them firmy that its not nice to hit another child because it hurts them and makes them cry and then warn that if you see them doing it again that they have to be punished by putting them on the naughty step and be consistent each and every time. It can be tough on you especially if they are crying out to you or shouting sorry, just leave them on the naughty step and even have a freddo! Keep repeating it until it works. Then really, really praise good behaviour, my husband says I sound like I'm being sarcastic when I say fantastic really loudly haha things like a sticker chart is also good, or removing their favourite toy for one whole day. You need to make it consistent everywhere you go even out at dinner or grannys house and get your family on board too. Don't care too much about people staring when you are out neither, you are doing what is right for your family. It will get easier, trust me it really will and you are doing a fantastic job with your child xx