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10 weeks pregnant: problems with partner...

firsttimer04

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Hi everyone, I'm new to this but I became deseparate and didn't know who to speak to....Ive been with my partner for a little over 7 years. We are both 29 and we recently found out we were expecting. About a year ago, my partner had made it known to me that he wanted to have children. A few months ago, we decided to try and now we are expecting. He’s been excited from the moment he found out the news but recently we began to hit a rump. We have a friend (his friend really) whom is 22 and is still in the phase to go to clubs, get drunk, and sleep continuously with many girls; as boys his age normally are. As much as I believe this guy is hilarious, I strongly believe that there is a time and a place to be around someone who has such different motivations about life. One night, not too long ago, we had gone out with this person and he randomly kissed many girls that same night, a few he didn’t even know. Well, my problem is, my partner asked if he can join this person out after work (he works until late night) at these bars/clubs. I honestly told him I was not comfortable with the situation but if he wanted to go, I was not going to say no. My partner became furious. Claimed I would not let him have fun with his friends, which is definitely not the case (he had already been to 4 bars this month alone). I personally just feel, if he knows what his friend is getting himself into during these times, why are you joining him?
The problem that we are having now is that I did not fight with him about this situation and he decided to stop speaking to me and even placed a pillow in between us while we sleep. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. Why is he being so dramatic? He is completely forgetting he is becoming a father and does not even acknowledge my presence, nor his future child’s. Ended up telling me I was becoming unattractive to him because of that particular day. I told him that I don’t understand why he is so upset, and he said he is having a child with a women whom does not trust him when he had gone to the bars and came home at 1am and I did not say anything to him. I only feel uncomfortable when he is with one particular person. I keep wondering if I am being unreasonable, but I do not understand why I cannot communicate with my partner about how I feel (calmly) and he throws a tantrum….
He began talking to me after about a week and half of silence and now he just says little things to me, but I feel as though I live with a roommate, and my heart is hurting knowing that I am having a child and I should be happy but I’m feeling miserable. I attempted to talk to him about this because I know this cannot be left unresolved but he continuously makes me feel guilty as if I am the problem and I should be ok with him doing whatever without being uncomfortable.
Someone please help me figure out what to do? I’m hurt, confused, and I don’t understand why this is going to this extreme?
 
By the sounds of it he's trying to rebel and fill up his precious free time with things he already knows won't be possible once the baby is here. He's also probably slightly jealous of his friends continuing freedom and dubious about forthcoming responsibilities. He's being a child and testing the barriers. It's immature and silly (My partner was the same!) But it won't last forever.

My hubby says "he needs to stop f*cking about, grow up, man up and realise the best thing in the world is about to happen. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. He needs to sort it out before he risks losing her and the baby."

We're expecting our third baby now. I'm 26, he's 27. He will get over it hun. Just needs a bloody good kick up the backside!!
 
Thank you so much for your advice. I'm doing my best to hang in there hoping for a turn around. I'm just not sure if I can handle this much longer. It's going to be about 3 weeks since this whole mess started and I'm at the point where I'm debating if I should leave. It hurts to the core knowing he told me that ive become unattractive to him and that he is disgusted by me for my "trust issues". I've compromised many times but this is not something I will ever agree with. He just came home from work, still ignoring me, and is spending countless of hours playing video games. Not to mention, I've slept on the couch a few times already. One of his best friends told me that he believes he has me "locked down" and that he will never change because he always feels he has the upper hand in everything. I don't know if I'm overthinking it, but the thought of being a single mom petrifies me, especially since I waited so long to even think about having children trying to make sure they are born into a good loving home (in fear of bringing children into a life I had gone through). Again, thank you so much for your insight. It's healing to know that I'm not the only person that is or has dealt with situations similar.
 
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I'd leave if you believe he feels that way (locked down)
It might give him the shake up he needs x
 
You need to do what's best for you and the baby right now hun. If you have a place to stay, show him he doesn't have control and leave. Not necessarily for good, but give yourself some breathing space, time to think about things but most importantly try your best to relax. Let him sulk and see what he could actually be losing if he doesn't buck his ideas up.
That saying, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone" he needs to experience that! Perhaps then he'll realise he needs to change.
I hope it works out for you Sweet, it's not nice :( Men (read: boys) can be such penises sometimes!! xXx
 
Thank you for your insight. I have so much thinking to do and figuring out....at least months before the baby is due. Luckily, I'm still in the beginning stages....
 
Thank you ladies, I'm in the process of figuring out. Just a little difficult at the moment because the only family I have either live in another state or two hours away. I don't want to risk losing my jog because they provide maternity leave, not finishing my bachelors degree (because I'm also in my senior year at the university) and I also have to take into consideration, that leaving could permanently end our relationship. Things at home are still not good. I love my partner...he's the only one I've ever been with so the toll this is taking on my heart is pretty tough. I can't believe that something so small is ripping us apart.....
I keep telling myself that we will get over this rump, but then my thoughts begin to wonder on if this is jumping to such an extreme over this.....what is going to happen when the baby comes and something major is going to happen. I know you can't hide fights from your children forever, but I want my children to know that we respect each other, even if we have differences in opinion....
So much to think about......and so little time....
 
Thank you ladies, I'm in the process of figuring out. Just a little difficult at the moment because the only family I have either live in another state or two hours away. I don't want to risk losing my jog because they provide maternity leave, not finishing my bachelors degree (because I'm also in my senior year at the university) and I also have to take into consideration, that leaving could permanently end our relationship. Things at home are still not good. I love my partner...he's the only one I've ever been with so the toll this is taking on my heart is pretty tough. I can't believe that something so small is ripping us apart.....
I keep telling myself that we will get over this rump, but then my thoughts begin to wonder on if this is jumping to such an extreme over this.....what is going to happen when the baby comes and something major is going to happen. I know you can't hide fights from your children forever, but I want my children to know that we respect each other, even if we have differences in opinion....
So much to think about......and so little time....
 
If I'm brutally honest I think you're being unfair to your other half. It wouldn't even occur to me that my partner would cheat just because he went on a night out with a younger bloke who likes to play around a bit - if he's free and single, what's the harm?! I can see why your oh is offended - I would be too if I thought my partner didn't trust me just because I was out with someone who was on the single / casual scene. Having said that, I do also realise that pregnancy can make you feel more clingy / weird than usual. In your shoes I would actually apologise to oh and agree to wipe the slate clean. Maybe have a chat about how you both expect things to change when baby arrives - how often do you think you'll go on nights out, etc? Worth asking questions like this now and comparing answers so you can compromise where your ideas are massively different. Hope you don't mind me offering an alternative perspective - I don't mean to cause any offense, just hoping it might help to throw in my viewpoint even if it's a bit of a controversial one. xxx
 
Its not that I do not trust my partner, I've just noticed that my partner has lied to me on numerous occasions only when he is with this person. My partner is not one to do drugs and he has with this person and lied to me about it. Hes told me he was going to one place and wound up coming home at 4 am while being with this person. I've seen the way his demeanor changes while he is with this person. It's not a decision I've made overnight. Its a feeling I've had for a while now that he knows I feel strongly about. And like I had mentioned before, I never told him he could not go. I literally told him, thank you for telling me, I feel uncomfortable only because I've seen things firsthand on how he is and If he wants to go I'm not going to stop him. I am also not the type to fight with my partner just because he went. I might get quiet for a day, but I am back to normal in no time. He decided to take this to an extreme and stop communicating with me...even told me to stfu when I had told him that I never stopped him from going so I cannot seem to understand why the attitude. I understand your perspective, believe me I do....but I do believe that I have a right to not have to lie about how I feel and I did not tell him with an attitude nor have I guarded him from doing anything. Hes gone to ultra for 4-5 years in a row without me partying with guys and girls that are drunk for days on end and I've dealt with it.
I just feel that the way he is treating me is uncalled for when I have not done anything mean nor have I treated him with any less respect than he deserves.

The only reason I won't apologize for this is because I did not tell him no. I did not treat my partner with disrespect. He blew up on me and took this to a whole new extreme. When I attempted to talk to my partner, he completely calls me names etc....the list goes on with how bad things get. He barely allows me to have an opinion and I've clearly stated that it was not that I didn't trust him...I've made it clear it was not about that. Like I had mentioned, my partner does go out, has a life, goes golfing, does his bro days etx... I only told him I felt uncomfortable with that one night vs all the other times he goes to a bar and has a few whiskeys.
 
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Either way it needs sorting
No need to name call etc its just mean x
 

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