Worried about having a kid - family issues!

[charliesmissing]

I know it shouldn't really matter what people think, but my husband and I are thinking about having a baby and I'm really concerned about his family.

We have been together 9 years, finally tying the knot last july as we both want to have kids and both wanted the typical husband wife setup like we both have had in our childhood. My mum really wants to be a grandma, and my dad doesn't seem too fussed, secretly he would be thrilled. My husbands lot on the other hand, are my main concern. His mum already has a grand daughter who is 11 years old, doing amazing at school, and her pride and joy. Her nephews are also really smart and always doing some extra curricular gifted child stuff. I just feel that her attitude to our kid would be different. We live in a not so good area, schools arn't quite as good as the ones her grandchild goes to and i feel that my kid would be pressured to do really well too. It doesn't help that we live a good hours drive away and all the other familt members live within a couple of streets away. it's always us who makes an effort to go to her and not the other way round. She did at one point admit to me she didn't want anymore grandchildren.

Also, how will her grand daughter react, she's been the one getting all the attention for so long as she's been the only one.

Hubbys grandparents arn't too bad, i'm sure they would be happy wether we have kids or not.

What if she starts putting pressure on my kid to do as well at school etc. I know i'm not the brightest spark in the lightbulb, but i'm not stupid.

I want kids more than anything else in the world but i don't want it to be brought up in a family that always looks down their noses at us.

Maybe i should just stick with my cats.

At least they don't answer back or tell me i'm not good enough

Sorry for the lengthy rant, just wondering if anyone else is in the same kind of boat.

 

[Tonks]

Welcome to the forum hun

You and your husband should have children for you, and you alone. Your OHs family will love your child, and they know that each child is an individual. If your MIL can't accept that your child will be different from her other grandchild, then it is her who is narrow minded and will miss out.

Don't let her stop you completing your family.

 

[Tonks]

Welcome to the forum hun

You and your husband should have children for you, and you alone. Your OHs family will love your child, and they know that each child is an individual. If your MIL can't accept that your child will be different from her other grandchild, then it is her who is narrow minded and will miss out.

Don't let her stop you completing your family.

 

[charliesmissing]

I know we should have kids for us and us alone. I just feel a bit pressured by what everyone else will think. cos i'm the kind of person that doesn't want to upset anybody.

when i think about it, there are so many things i'm looking forward to about having a baby, like birthday parties and mothers day, school plays and christmas being magical. Taking him or her to football, or ice skating or ballet. Family trips to the zoo, teaching it to ride a bike.

Just feel like MIL thinks i'm not good enough i'm always trying to prove myself. Thinking about it, it's probably just me she hates, she wasn't that thrilled when we got married.

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I think you should let go of your feelings about your MIL - you and you OH should continue to live your lives exactly how you want to, if that includes having children then go ahead and do it.

 

[Baby Bean]

I agree with the others hun, having children is about what you and your OH want and feel ready for. If you are ready to have a child then do it! The amount that you love that child will counteract anything your MIL may or may not say or do.
Welcome to the forum and good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[ema-lou24]

its my mother that thinks im not good enough to be a mother hun so i wouldnt worry about it.
my son is 7 this year and she still seems to think it was her that gave birth to him, i just block it out nowadays and she hates the fact that i answer back and that my son calls me MUM and not her

its so bad that she actually gave me a row for not signing his homework sheet when it was clear that he had dun it saying its making me look like an irresponsible mother....GET TAE FOOK! is what i say

its your live, your body and your choice if u have a baby, end of day it doesnt matter what any of your family think about you or judge you, as long as your baby is happy then u will be the best mum in the world and thats all that matters.

i know my son thinks this of me so i dont care what my mother says or does, enjoy ttc and good luck xx

 

[Tasha89]

I should think her existing Grandaughter would be thrilled to have a new cousin. It would be wrong for your MIL to favour one child over another or push you into bringing up your child her way.
One thing i've learned is NEVER to think about anyone (obviously to a certain extent!) other than your family and how your choices will impact them.
It's an never-ending struggle trying to be perfect for your OH's parents so just quit whilst you're ahead. Your husband loves you and that's most important! You have as many babies as you like sweetie and if your MIL doesn't like it then that's her loss as i'm sure they'd be the best grandkids in the neighbourhood! Xx

 

[Princess81]

U know, this could be one of those things that you have just thought about too much and already decided in your head how people will react/be? They'll prob all be delighted to have a new addition to the family and you've spent too long worrying about the what if's involved? I'm sure it'll be great and u guys should go for it! Ultimately as u say, it doesn't matter what others think. Good luck xx

 

[loulou1103help]

is there anyone online that can help me? i have had 4 negative pregnancy tests, not been to doctors yet but they were good tests all clear blue ones, but i am now 3 weeks late so basically not gonna get one, i have been feeling sick sometimes and had tender breasts and i am constantly tired, i have been pregnant before but unfortunatly lost my baby so i know how i feel when im pregnant and i honestly feel pregnant but im being told im not please tell me could i be or could there be something else up?