Why do men have to lie............

[claire81]

.....is it in their genes????? The short version is 2 years ago this month my husband of just 4 months accidently sent me a text meant for a wman at his work telling her how beautiful she was, blah blah blah. I went mad and chucked him out. They had a 2 week relationship and we stayed split up for nearly a year but after much thought and persuesion from him, we got back together. Things were rocky for the first few months as i found it hard to trust (and still don't fully and never will). But the more he opened up, the better things got until we are at the strong point we are at now.
But i always dread the xmas work do. I know SHE wont be there but it brings things back.....well last night was his work do, just a local pub, but he sent me a text at 11pm saying him and Ian were gonna get a taxi back together later, however, when i checked his phone this morning, just after he sent that to me, he text his brother asking if him and Michelle from his work could join him on his work do. Michelle isn't the one he left me for, she is an ugly scrawny thing and many of time i have heard him slag off a few times!!
I have never hidden the fact that i check his phone from him, as he knows there is still a trust issue, and maybe when he has arisen from his hagover coma he will tell me, but for the time being i wanna go upstairs and punch him for making me look like a pr*ck again. If he had said well actually me and the dog are gonna join me bro, i would have secretly thought sl*g, but the fact he basically said it was him and another bloke has really f***ed me off!!!!

Sorry for the long rant but needed somewhere to slag him off and get that off my chest.

 

[chezzabell]

Hunny i totally understand where ur coming from, i would be so angry aswell ur story is very much like me and my OH the girl he left me for doesnt work in his place anymore, but any woman that texts him i just go off it.

I would wait till he gets up and confront him and see what he has to say for himself

MEN are so stupid text messages always catch people out that how i found out, i think it is a man thing.

Hope ur ok and try not to get too stressed out about it hun xxx

 

[claire81]

Oh and i know i am replying to myself, but i know his bro would not let him get away with anything as he went mad about what he had done when he left me.
We have had enough disagreements and enough "staying up til 4am talks" for him to know he is to tell me anything, as this is the only way i can trust him. And to be honest, give him his due he always has even told me if he had seen this woman at work hes always said "she was there today but i just blanked her" or "i had to go in the office today and ask her something, im so sorry but it was for my job". And that is how our relationship has built itself back up again.

 

[claire81]

Thanks sophie, its only people that have been there done it, that actually understand and dont think that your a psychotic mess!!! I will ask him about it, until then i wanna go and throw freezing water on him or let the dog go and lick his face just so he wakes up pi**ed off too!!!!!!!

 

[jocymum]

oh babes
I honestly know where you are coming from...my husband is being a total arse at the moment( see 'im so miserable' in third tri!)
But this doesn't sound too bad...you will feel worse about it cos your preg,but i'd try and stay as calm as you can and just ask him about his night without accusation and see what he says.
It's probably not what you think, The daft thing is even if it's completly innocent he wouldn't have wanted to tell you cos he's presume you'd go nuts understandably.
My oh actually told me the other week that he was going for a drink with a female work colleague (who I don't know!) because he thought it would be better than just saying he was going to our local to get hammered---They have funny brains
It is so yuck waiting for a hungover person to come round...especially when you'd really like to give em a worse headache

ps - You've worked hard on your relationship...so try not to rock it too much just now, christmas will be over soon and you and him with have the l/o to look forward too

 

[chezzabell]

men !!!! why do we bother sometimes

my oh was out last night and when he came home i could hear him texting on the toilet so when i was getting up with alastair at 3am i got his mobile phone out of his pocket thinking bet he has bloody met someone etc, he was texting his borther to make sure he got home saftely!!

i feel awful cos i shoul cut him some slack but its so hard cos once the trust is broken its so hard to build back up again

 

[jocymum]

What is it with men and the toilet - what the fook do they do in there

 

[chezzabell]

text people they should'nt and spend 3 hrs shitting!!!

 

[x-kirsty-x]

Hi hun, I know how you feel about trust cos me and OH had an argument (well, lots of arguments actually) cos he lied about stuff.

Now I cant trust him at all, I always doubt what he says. Even when he's at work I think he might be up to something. He's offended that I dont trust him but bloody hell, he brought it on himself, what does he expect!

I have dreams where he lies and I just hit him over and over and when I wake up I act weird with him cos it brings all the hurt back. Anyway, Im taking over your thread here so I'll stop!

I hope you and OH get things sorted. Men are a right pain sometimes

 

[claire81]

Thank you all, its nice to hear positive feedback other than "if it was me id tell him to get out" when i don't know the full story. And thanks for making me laff about the toilet!!
I was also mad about the fact that i asked him to text if he was gonna be late (i've been para ever since my best friend was murdered in May), and the last i heard was 11pm, but he rolled in at gone 2am. In the mean time he could be doing anything and his pregnant wife is at home trying to get some sleep before shes uo with the kids!!

Anyway.........i had him about the whole deal, him spending money we havent got, not telling me he was gonna be late (if he text i'll be back 2-3ish, i would have been able to sleep a bit) and i said how did i know who he was with, and he actually came clean and said he was with Michelle and another bloke, they ended up at his brothers work do and he was trying to set her and his bro up!!! He swore he didn't even dance with her and he would never hurt me or the kids again, and even offered to stay in tonight and give up his ticket to the football to stay in and have a meal with me but i told him not to be silly, i think he has been honest with me now.

Only thing i did say was hasnt she got friends of her own to go out with or does she like hanging out with married dads, and that people at his work could get the wrong idea (hes done it once, he could do it again - what a mug his wife is) and he said he couldn't give a f**k what her or people think, all he cared about was me and our kids to which i nearly cried as i could tell it was from the heart.

At the end of the day i think men just think with their willys and just generally don't think before they do, especially when it comes to beer!!

But thanks for understanding, and listening, and also sharing your own probs, somtimes its nice to know your not on your own. And Kirsty, please if you wanna talk and join in on the thread don't feel like your taking it over, we're all god listeners xx

 

[mummykay]

aaaarw claire, big hugs to u and bump

men r stupid, i know mine might b a gd dad but he did make his mistakes in the past which i never seem to have trouble with throwin back in his face when im mad at him!!!

 

[jocymum]

bless him.....sometimes it's easier if you treat them like they are 5
My oh was nicer today he was mega busy at work but bothered to text me and make me laugh.....there is hope

 

[claire81]

Ah bless, i dont think men realise it really is the little things that count!