why do i get annoyed when i shouldn't

[fran_23]

the other day my OH came home from work and said one of the girls he works with had asked to chat to him after work so he said ok..
she told him she's pregnant and doesnt know who to talk about it to,
apparantly as she knows he has a son she thought he'd be good to talk to
on this subject. Even though she said she doesnt want to keep it and had been to the clinic to discuss it.
He talked to her about it and asked me advice as i've been there myself-
i told him to advise her not to take the pill as it will be more upsetting-

i cant help feeling really put out by this- because when it was his child and i was in the same situation he couldnt handle it and wasn't there for me at all and now hes been this girls shoulder to cry on.
i haven't really told him how i feel..i said to tell the girl if she wanted someone to talk to i'd be happy to have a chat as i have been there myself and i know its scary. i think i said that because i'd rather she spoke to me and not OH coz why should he help someone else when he wasn't there for me.,.. is that really selfish?
am i being out of order because i'm bitter..i need an outside opinion
on if i'm out of order for feeling like she should piss off and talk to someone else!

 

[Bubalu]

Hello Fran,

I can see why you are upset given your own situation and your OH not being much help then. I guess that the girl that asked his advice doesn't know all that and is just feeling vunerable herself. From what you say, it appears that your OH has matured since you were in the same situation, perhaps he even learned from it himself. This girl obviously needs help and I think that it was the best approach to ask if you can help and talk with her yourself. As you are the one that actually had to go through it, it would be better for her to hear things from your point of view anyhow. You may find that your OH is also relieved that his friend will get some good advice and he doesn't have the responsibility himself. OK you may feel that you have slightly selfish motives but you may actually be doing the best for both the girl and your OH.

 

[Jen79]

Well if it were me I think I would feel the same. Its understandable you feel annoyed that he is being supportive to this girl when, as you said, he left you to just get on with it because he couldnt deal with the situation.

However, I suppose that it is easy for him to talk to this girl as he has no emotional attachment. She is not his partner and its not his child. So I can also understand why perhaps he finds it easy to be a help to her, in his heart I expect he is well aware of his lack of support to you and maybe in his own way he is trying to make some kind of amends by helping someone else in a similar situation. If its really getting to you then you need to talk to him but I dont think there would be much point as it would probably end up with you being made to feel unreasonable or some other negative emotion. There is always the chance that he really has had no idea of how this might be making you feel though - he is a man after all!

Does that make any sense? Sorry its a bit long but I just wanted to explain how it seemed to me. And once again, I think its perfectly normal to feel the way you do about it.

 

[fran_23]

yeh both replies make good sense thank you girls

i guess he has learnt from his mistakes and it might be making him feel better about how he was to me to help someone else.

also he probably hasn't realised how its making me feel and i haven't told him! i know i should just realise he's helping a friend and its not going to change the past for us! i guess i'm just bitter he couldn't have been there fpr me but as it was said..it was his child and he had an emotional reason to not be able to cope with it.

thanks for the replies i think i feel better about it, i need to let go of the past its done and dusted now..xxx

 

[trixipaws]

when it was his child and i was in the same situation he couldnt handle it and wasn't there for me at all and now hes been this girls shoulder to cry on.

that tells me why i think he can help her but not you... he can probably detatch himself from her and her situation whereas he cant hav done it when it was u coz he loves u too much its easy to handle even the hardest of problems when u detatch urself- letting ur emotions get in the way will stop u from being able