When you reach the brick wall

[Sugarpop]

How do / did you cope? I've well and truly hit the brick wall and I don't know how to get past this feeling of hopelessness and failure.

Think I've seen 1 BFN too many.

 

[lisey]

I have been there so many times in the past. I felt it would never happen and the feeling of desperation was consuming and I think that's what kept me going in a weird way. I wondered at times if we should give up but I knew I couldn't and wouldn't until we got there.
There are so many options ahead of you, you could have a higher dose of clomid, IUI or IVF. Your journey is not over yet. I know it feels like endless disappointment but keep going and you will get there xx

 

[phonixgirl]

I have ups and downs. I'm struggling again right now and really can't see the FET working. I'm dreading DH's reaction if it doesn't work, he will be so upset.

I've told everyone we can't have children and am starting to tell myself that we can't. I know everyone says think positively etc but after next cycle we are going to stop ttc so realistically we are never going to have children. It's so so difficult. I've also had times where I've gone off FB and when I am on it, I unfollow anyone who is or might be pregnant. It sounds awful but it's the only way I get through life. Seeing my sister and the girl at work be pregnant/have a baby is even harder but I just kind of put myself into a little bubble then.

I can give you my number or FB if you need someone to talk to. I won't be having a baby any time soon lol.

 

[phonixgirl]

And Lisey is right, you have so many other options to explore yet xx

 

[Sugarpop]

Thanks ladies. I completely get the feeling of desperation. I think it makes it worse that the whole of our problem is completely me. Theres literally nothing wrong with him. He obviously picked a dud with me

Theres so much going on in my life medical wise at the moment & I am always just hoping and hoping that this won't be one of the times the doctors call my a medical mystery. I don't understand why its just so hard for my body to work even half right.

I know we have to carry on because it's all we've ever wanted but at the moment I just feel tired. Im tired of the BFNs and the symptoms. Got a fertility appointment tomorrow so hoping something positive comes out of that. Lord knows where my AF is!

 

[phonixgirl]

I could literally have written that myself.

 

[katie88]

Hey Girls,

i know im not far along in the TTC business (about to go into month 15) but i know how you feel. at least we have each other to keep each other company through this!

 

[MrsS15]

I feel the same, completely. It's such an all consuming desperate feeling. My whole month every bloody month is spent feeling exasperated then my hopes raise thinking this could be the month, try something different, keep going. Just to have my hopes dashed and I start the whole process again! It's so unfair how difficult it is for the people who desperately want a child with everything to give but those who take it for granted and couldn't care less manage to spit them out. It's made me a very bitter person, something I've never been! I'm so glad I have everyone on here to keep me going, all to often I feel like I'm completely on my own xxx

 

[snowbee]

Sugar that is a great question and even after all this time I don't know the answer. I just plod onwards. I think it helps if you have hobbies and still do things you can look forward to (like trips out or holidays) but we did cancel our anniversary holiday as we were worried about needing the money for IVF so it does have a knock on effect however hard you try.

Like you all our problems are mine, it does make you feel extra bad doesn't it. I was so upset when we didn't get a bfp in time for my oh to be a dad before he turns 40. I know he was sad too and it hurts so much that we can't do anything to change it.

I hope your appointment goes well, if you go up a dose they should give you tracking scans again, then at least you know if there is an egg and a chance!

 

[Sugarpop]

I feel the same, completely. It's such an all consuming desperate feeling. My whole month every bloody month is spent feeling exasperated then my hopes raise thinking this could be the month, try something different, keep going. Just to have my hopes dashed and I start the whole process again! It's so unfair how difficult it is for the people who desperately want a child with everything to give but those who take it for granted and couldn't care less manage to spit them out. It's made me a very bitter person, something I've never been! I'm so glad I have everyone on here to keep me going, all to often I feel like I'm completely on my own xxx

I've turned bitter as well and I hate it. I hate feeling so jealous. For at least a week a month it turns you into a different person, I'm convinced!

 

[phonixgirl]

I'm bitter too ladies! Also something I've never been.

AF arrived last night/early this morning so I'm feeling particularly bitter today!!!

 

[Sugarpop]

I'm bitter too ladies! Also something I've never been.

AF arrived last night/early this morning so I'm feeling particularly bitter today!!!

Sorry lovely. I don't think I'm far behind. CD37 on a clomid cycle no less! No real sign of AF or a BFP so I'm in lovely limbo. Again. I'm thinking of purchasing a house in limbo, the rent would cost a fortune with how often I'm there

 

[phonixgirl]

Haha! You poor thing what's going on?! I think you need monitoring! Xx

 

[Sugarpop]

Well AF arrived to kill me. Yes. That's what it appears to want! Completely out of the blue too, she's a birch

I had my appointment st the clinic yesterday. Still determined to have a cycle where I'm not logging everything and just going to trust the Dr's blood test on Day 21. I'm still at the wall with my feelings but feel happier now I've been to see the clinic. Still feel like it's a waste of time & it won't work but we will see. I won't be testing early either. I have 1 FRER and will get a few more but going to hold off testing until a few days before AF is due. Hoping that will save my sanity and make me feel better.

 

[phonixgirl]

What a bitch! Stupid AF. I'm so sorry she got you too xx

 

[mylullaby]

I think about you often Sugarpop. Sorry to see you're still waiting for your little bean. Keeping everything crossed that s/he is just around the corner xx

 

[BoJangles]

I was about to come here and write the same thing I can't keep doing this and it not working. At what point is it ok to say I've had enough of clomid and just wait for IVF?

 

[phonixgirl]

Whenever feels right for you (assuming your dr hasn't said you HAVE to take it for a certain number of months). How much longer have you got to wait?