When am I going to have sex again?!

[bwakeling]

Calling all mums!

I'm writing a piece for Parentdish about sex after childbirth. As a dad myself, I can vouch for the fact that it's not long after baby's born that our minds turn to having sex again - it's just the way we're wired, sorry!

And so, I was wondering how long it was before you slept with your partner after childbirth. Understandably you don't feel at your sexiest after going through labour, so did you put it off for as long as possible?

Also, I've been asked to include within the piece a bit about how a woman feels about sex after birth. What was going through your mind? Were you completely put off it for a while?

If you can let me know, that'd be great - and if you don't mind me using your name, please include it on your story. If you have the time, you can also take part in my online poll - will be interesting to see the results!

Thanks, and hope all this wasn't TMI!!

Ben xx

 

[bwakeling]

Hi all, just wondering if anyone is brave enough to tell their story?? Don't worry - I won't mention your name if you don't want me to!

 

[rbryan0205]

please dont mention my name

speaking personally i am a little worried about bding with dh as i had a second degree tear also women have to think about contraception methods they want to use i am waiting for my 8 week postnatal to ask about contraception as im breast feeding and i think everyone will be different and its about trusting your body and your partner to know when your ready x

 

[Stunned]

I'll tell you mine. My friend think I am crazy lol! I had a 24 hr labour and a forceps delivery with a episiotomy (abt an inch long) so I was rather sore afterwards. I couldn't even wipe my own bottom after having my first poo
anyway 1 week later I was desperate to get back in the saddle as it were despite the pain and discomfort. It was OH who wasn't sure! We didn't but almost did. Normal service (albiet a sunday service due to lack of contraception) resumed at 2weeks. It was a couple weeks before I was completely comfortable.
"why!?" my friend asked me. I just wanted to feel normal again as I had finally got my body back and wanted to make sure things were still working downstairs. I was terrified the first time but it was nowhere near as bad as I thought cos we just took it easy and OH was gentle.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Personally, my sex drive returned after about 4 months. But I didnt tear and physically recovered from birth pretty quickly. That doesnt mean I am up for it though...I still feel fat and wobbly and dont want him to see me nekkid just yet! Plus being so tired and so devoted to a new baby means even if you do fancy it, you very rarely have the energy or time.

I think for mothers, our priorities are so different atleast for the first year and we expect our partners to be patient and wait for us to have the time/energy/desire. But we also need them to make us feel attractive and desired without being pushy. I feel for you men I really do

 

[Minchin]

pls dont mention name

We did about 4 weeks after birth by emergency section. It hurt I wasn't ready in hindsight, physically or emotionally but I wanted to try and also missed sex as it is so important to our relationship and makes me feel closer to DH. I also wanted to give DH sex, he would not have minded either way and was v patient but was pbeing a bit of a sex pest! After that first time we waited another month and then it was all fine and dandy. Only problem now is finding time when I 'm not too tired and LO is asleep. Discovered yesterday that during nap time when LO is soon to wake can be a v frustrating experience!!!!!

 

[isobel84]

i wanted to try after 2 weeks, OH said NO. We tried after 18 days but it was too painful. Again at 22 days after giving birth and managed quite good. Now, im the one that want it all the time.. Every night more or less since our son was about a month old. And when oh says no, i get angry.

I was cut all the way back so still now its sore in surtain possitions but it feels so much tighter and is alot better since giving birth actually. im alot bigger then before preggo but it dont bother me when it comes to sex as OH loves me just the way i am. Im only consious around other ppl.

 

[xxbeckyxx]

I was ready to try again when Lizzie was about 2 weeks old but was worried that everything hadn't quite returned to normal (I had lots of weird 'pressure' pains down below). So we waited until 6 weeks and OMG! It was like my first time all over again lol!
I had a fairly easy birth when it came to the pushing so didn't tear or anything, so I can't imagine how it was for the ladies who tore!
This might be TMI, but I think the hormonal changes that come with breastfeeding mean I'm quite 'dry' which doesn't help! KY may be in order

You say woman may not feel their sexiest after giving birth but tbh I felt so incredibly close to my OH that even if I had body hang ups it wouldn't have mattered. As it was it turned out I actually felt pretty damn sexy cos my bump disappeared within a couple of days and I was amazed at my lovely new body!

 

[titch]

If you put this thread in members sanctuary Ill tell my story!

 

[Rayoflight]

Bonjour Benjamin, you know I've no shame you can mention me.

I wanted to do it about a week after. OH said no. "Not until there's none of that baby guff coming out anymore. But you can suck me off yeah?!" was his usual response.
Finally did it about 4 weeks after baby was born when I guilt tripped him into it and announced in front of his mother and father that he wouldn't have sex with me and didn't love me anymore! Ha ha.

It was weird using condoms again for the first time in months. We always had throughout our relationship but obviously didnt need to when pregnant so that was a bit strange. At first it hurt. It took me right back to the birth and I kept thinking "the last time something was in there it was my baby!" my baby, who was very weirdly lying in a Moses basket next to us, snoring. Passion killer or what?!

So then we waited another few weeks and once LO was in his own room we did it again and although it still was uncomfortable at first and I still had the birth in my head, it was enjoyable. I had to keep my bra on though for fear of squirting breastmilk in his eyes or something!

That was about a month ago and we've not attempted it since. I always wait to see if OH will make the first move but he never does. Well, not in the way i'd like and I don't count drawing a pair of eyes on your balls, shaving your pubes to look like eyebrows and making you willy 'talk' as seduction. But hey, that's why you love my husband isn't it?! And me too...

 

[Rayoflight]

This might be TMI, but I think the hormonal changes that come with breastfeeding mean I'm quite 'dry' which doesn't help! KY may be in order

I'm so glad someone else said this!!!

As I said, it felt uncomfortable at first and I suggested the KY, to which my husband replied "what's up? You're normally wetter than an Otter's pocket!"

 

[Minchin]

lol!!!!!

 

[xxbeckyxx]

Your hubby sounds so funny Gem!!
It is well weird going back to using condoms isn't it? I haven't used those since I was 16! Didn't help that the first one OH picked out was blueberry...never seen a bright blue willy before