What to do?

[LaineyG]

Hi Everyone!

I'm 8 weeks pregnant!
You may have seen my initial post on Tri 1.

I left my boyfriend, who I'd been with for two years and lived with for one, 4 weeks ago. To cut a long story short, he was a control freak who mentally abused me for almost the whole of our relationship, funny how you have to take a step back to realise that, eh?

So anyway, 2 weeks ago I did a test because my period was late, and my bbs were sore. And I almost fell off the toilet! I was on the CP and the sex life hadn't been that fantastic so I got the fright of my life!

Decided pretty instantly to have the baby.

My ex had been plaguing me, saying he could change, admitted everything he'd done was his fault, I'm the one, he'll never love another etc etc.

A week before I did the test he almost had a mental break down. I said to him not to contact me for two weeks, and that maybe there was a chance. I basically said this to give him time to calm down, I know in my heart it's over.

So a week later, I'm walking about the house in a daze, pregnant, and wondering what the hell to do, when the phone goes. "I need to talk to you" says he.

So I head down to the flat, hoping that he's seen sense, and he says "Something happened to you today, I don't know what, but I've had this feeling all day that you are going through something" Well eff me gently.....the guys a pshycic as well as a pshyco!

I ended up telling him. He was over the moon, thought that this meant it was all hunky dorey. I guess I'm a bit guilty of leading him on, but it was so good to be able to talk to someone about the pregnancy.

Anyway, here I am, with him thinking of all the ways he can improve the flat for the baby, taking me away this weekend to a five star hotel, buying me stretch mark lotion and bras (didn't ask, he just went ahead and started buying things).

And I know, deep in my heart, that I'm not in love with him anymore and that, yes, I want him to be involved, but I don't want him!

Help!



xxx

 

[paddypuma]

I think you answered the question yourself at the end there....

I'm sure you know in your heart what to do. Staying with someone out of pity and familiarity, rather than love, never works. It seems to be over between you two but if he wants to be involved in the baby's life then I say good on him. There are soooo many men out there who are quite happy to cut and run once they get a whiff of a baby!

I would make it clear to him that it's over between you two first and then see what he does. He may just be interested in the baby as he thinks you're getting back together too? Hopefully not though.

Anyway, good luck in whatever decision you make - i'm sure it'll be the right one for you and the baby.

 

[tuck]

I think that you need to be honest with him, no matter how much it hurts, if you carry on with him thinking you are back together then it will makes things so much worse in the long run. Going away for the weekend is not a good idea unless you are going to use it as an excuse to talk to him on neutral territory.

If you tell him now then he will have time to get used to you not being together and the fact that there is a baby on the way and then if he wants to be involved all the more so, if not at least you will know.

good luck

 

[mrs_tommo22]

If you are not in love with him then you know what to do, you can both bring up a child and not live together or be together.x